Joel Hodgson makes a guest appearance in the third episode of the web show “Water and Power.” There’s some strong language used–not by Joel, of course–so parental and/or workplace discretion is advised.

Sorry for the late start. Our topic this week is: Lame heroes in MSTed movies. There are, of course, so many of these to choose from, getting your list down to ten will be tough. Show your work.

In episode order:
• 310- FUGITIVE ALIEN/ 318- STAR FORCE - FUGITIVE ALIEN II–Starwolf: Full of self-loathing and self-doubt, he is ultimately useless in virtually every challenge he faces, but then the Bacchus 3 crew set the bar pretty low…
• 408- HERCULES UNCHAINED–Herc, of course: Let’s face it, he spends a good deal of the movie asleep.
• 422- THE DAY THE EARTH FROZE–Lemminkainen: o/` He’s a failure, la-la-lah…o/`
• 501- WARRIOR OF THE LOST WORLD–Paper Chase Guy: As discussed this week, a whiny incompetent.
• 512- MITCHELL–Mitchell!: “Our hero, ladies and gentlemen…” Sleeps with hookers and drinks with his toes, the ultimate lame hero.
• 704- THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN–DOCTOR TED NELSON!: Repeatedly drops the ball throughout his entire investigation.
• 808- THE SHE CREATURE–Lance Fuller: Dead-eyed and comotose, the hero that just sort of stands there.
• 816- PRINCE OF SPACE/ INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN–yes, I know Prince of Space and Space Chief are technically different characters, but really we’re talking about the same archetype, and while our weapons are useless against them, lameness surrounds them.
• 910- THE FINAL SACRIFICE–Rowsdower. Nuff said.
• 1006- BOGGY CREEK II–Charles Pierce: He plays a smug, self-righteous callous jerk–and he wrote the movie!
How about yours?

Two more lists have popped up, this time of favorite robots:

Bullz-Eye.com includes Crow T. Robot in its list of 20 All Time Favorite Robots. Tom Servo, Gypsy and Cambot are also mentioned, but don’t rate the list themselves.

In honor of the release of WALL-E, Entertainment Weekly has created yet another list, this time placing Servo and Crow in its list of top 19 Hotshot Movie Robots. No mention of Gypsy and Cambot in this one, but hey, we know they’re there in spirit.

For those who haven’t heard, the sold out Cinematic Titanic show last weekend in L.A. was, by all accounts, a smashing success. The Wired blog was there. So was Film Threat.

Those of you who get the Cinematic Titanic newsletter got a few photos, taken by a photographer named Joe Targownik.

Here some of the ones we liked, along with a few they didn’t send, that we also liked and Joel allowed us to post. Click on each for larger versions.

They’ve added a bunch of new host segments at “Gypsy’s Host Segment Drive-in” at MST3K.com:

• The multicultural carol from 521- Santa Claus,
• Gypsy’s shower from 513- The Sinister Urge,
• The Mr. B Natural debate from 319- War of the Colossal Beast,
• the extended ‘Crow cheats’ segments from 515- Wild World of Batwoman,
• Frank’s lovely ode to Nummy Muffin Cocol Butter from 605- Colossus and the Headhunters,
• Crow frets about being a Solarite and Pearl wonders if she’s truly evil from 902- Phantom Planet and
• the classic Sidehackin’ Song from 202-Sidehackers.

Over in the Planet Theater, there are clips from episodes:

• 513- Beast That Wouldn’t Die,
• 902- Phantom Planet,
• 408- Hercules Unchained,
• 506- Eegah,
• 619- Red Zone Cuba,
• 406- The Giant Leeches,
• 810- Giant Spider Invasion,
• 908- Touch of Satan,
• 320- The Unearthly and
• 414- Tormented.

And of course, there’s the riff o’ the day!

First shown: 7/24/93
Opening: Crow disrupts Servo’s formal welcome
Invention exchange: The square master, bittersweet hearts
Host segment 1: Hot slot bots!
Host segment 2: Trying to get a post-apocalyptic driving permit
Host segment 3: Things to do after the apocalypse
End: Phone call from Megaweapon, letter, the Mads enjoy an active lifestyle
Stinger: The Paper Chase Guy checkin’ out the babe
(70 votes, average: 4.17 out of 5)
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• This episode has its moments, I’ll give you that. The movie is all over the place, from the whiny, chipmunk-cheeked hero and his air-headed onboard computer to the squeaky spiders to guerilla leader Jimmy Carter-Ronnie Cox, to hapless Persis Khambata to perhaps Donald Pleasance’s creepiest performance (and that’s saying something) to the “Road Warrior” rejects to the raw star power that IS Megaweapon. The riffing is solid for the most part, and the host segments are decent. It doesn’t quite add up to a classic for me, but, yes, it has it’s moments.
• Longtime fans will recall that, although this is episode 501, it is NOT the first episode shown in season 5. That honor went to episode 502- Hercules, which aired a week before this one. Why? They’ve never said, I don’t think, but my guess is that the Comedy Central suits decided the Hercules movie was more marketable.
• Annoying commercials: My copy, from the fall of ‘94, is infested with those Eagle Talon comercials starring the then-red-hot Greg Kinnear. It also has spots for the Fresh Cheese Tour then going on, as well as those mildly-funny-once-but-really-annoying-the-500th-time “life is like a box of chocolates” Comedy Central promos. Oh! And commercials for [snort] CD-I with [sniff] Phil Hartman.
• Joel’s bittersweet hearts invention has since come true. You can buy little chalky hearts that say all sorts of weird things now.
• Joel makes what I always thought was an astute observation: that the afterlife would be a little like Ellis Island. I’d never thought about it like that…
• Callback: “Ator? Tong?” (Cave People) “Old Time bus driver Billy Slater…” (Junior Rodeo Daredevils)
• HOW are they controlling the robots during the slot car host segment? I don’t see how they’re doing it. Any guesses?
• Everyone loves that bit Joel and Tom Servo get into that I guess is a parody of Robitussen commercial–one I don’t remember ever seeing. Maybe that’s why I don’t find it as hilarious as everybody else seems to…
• It’s nice to see Tom Servo forthrightly admit that they never bothered to write an ending to bit in segment 2–”movie sign” is to MST3K what “dropping the cow” is to Monty Python.
• I believe this episode contains the very first reference to then newly elected President Bill Clinton.
• Do you think that the odd, pointless little comments of the onboard computer were the inspiration for the bittersweet hearts invention?
• I’d need to go back and watch this again (and I don’t really want to) to be sure but I think that Persis Khambatta’s character gets called Natasha and Nastasia, depending on who is addressing or referring to her.
• Then topical: The “woo-woo-woo” thing audiences of the Arsenio Hall Show did.
• Probably my favorite moment of the show is toward the end when the camera does that long pan of all the revolutionaries celebrating and Tom Servo has a celebrity name for every single one. Amazing and hilarious.
• That’s Mike, it hardly needs saying, providing the voice of Megaweapon. The raport all the actors have with one another at this point in the show is really remarkable.
• Fave riff: “Heeeeyyeee, it’s the crazy Gugenheim museum!”

Get it here.

Here’s a free sample.

And don’t forget:
Available now: Another DRM-free short:

Download it here.

Free sample here.

Frank Conniff makes a guest appearance on the web show “Comics on Comics.”

Joel Hodgson visited the Adam Carolla Show last Friday to hype Cinematic Titanic and the recent live show in L.A., and he wound up sitting in for three segments. You can listen to them in streaming audio here:
http://www.971freefm.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=2697645
http://www.971freefm.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=2697655
http://www.971freefm.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=2697668

Entertainment Weekly recently ranked The 100 best shows from 1983 to 2008 and MST3K came in at #63.

Beavis and Butt-head came in at #37. Go figure.  

Picking only five is going to be tough, but I never promised you a rose garden.
My picks are:
• 205- ROCKET ATTACK USA–Stinger: “Help me!” The very first stinger and still one of the best.
• 310- FUGITIVE ALIEN–Stinger: “AHAHAHAHA….you’re STUCK HERE!”
• 514- TEEN-AGE STRANGLER Stinger: “And he didn’t steal no bike neither…I did!”
• 820- SPACE MUTINY Stinger: Our hero bravely screams like a girl and bails out.
• 1003- MERLIN’S SHOP OF MYSTICAL WONDERS Stinger: “Rock ‘n’ roll martian…”

What are yours?