The third challenge in Round 3 of Quickstop Entertainment second “Song Fu” competition was to write a country ballad called “The Ballad of Rufus Amos Adams”.

Here’s how “The RiffTones” (Mike, Kevin and Bill) responded.

This one’s going to be a little different. Which episodes put you to sleep and why?
Here’s my list and I have to say I got a little drowsy just compiling it.
For this, I picked one from each season.

• 103- MAD MONSTER (with short: COMMANDO CODY PT 2)–I think it’s just the bad print, the dark, gray scenes and the slow pace. I’m usually snoring by the second host segment.
• 209- THE HELLCATS–I’m not sure why this one puts me out. Maybe it’s the dull sameness of the movie.
• 303- POD PEOPLE–It one may surprise some people, but this is my all-time No. 1 sleeping pill. I don’t think I’ve ever made it all the way through without falling asleep. The host segments are terrific, but the movie, ugh. Maybe it’s the new age music and all the fog, but I’m snoring in no time.
• 413- MANHUNT IN SPACE (with short: GENERAL HOSPITAL PT 1)–The short’s pretty sleepy all by itself, and the movie is just gray and dull, with endless takeoffs and landings and long conversations. Zzzz…
• 508- OPERATION DOUBLE 007–I think this may have more to do with the fact that I can’t follow the plot. My mind wanders and the next thing I’m curled up on the couch.
• 624- SAMSON VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN–This one starts well, and of course the segments, with Frank’s departure, are memorable. But the movie just drags.
• 705- ESCAPE 2000–Another movie i can’t make head or tail of, and soon I’m in dreamland. And believe me, you don’t want this movie playing while you’re half asleep…
• 807- TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000–Talky, gray and tiresome.
• 908- THE TOUCH OF SATAN–Another movie with a very leisurely pace. Just doesn’t hold my interest.
• 1009- HAMLET–I like this episode more than a lot of people do, but the static filming and the dark, blank sets make my eyes droop.

I need a cup of coffee. What are yours?

This is a reminder that the entire Cinematic Titanic crew…Frank, Joel, Josh, Mary Jo and Trace…will be appearing at Archon 32 this Oct. 3-5 in Collinsville, IL (a suburb of St. Louis, MO). Tickets for the entire 3-day convention are $60. Check the web site for more info.

I’ll be at the convention, doing my usual stalking coverage of the CT gang. If you happen to see me, step up and say hi, won’t you?

First shown: 11/7/93
Opening: Mike tries to phone his grandma
Invention exchange: Frank-n-forcer, waiter-baiter
Host segment 1: What is love?
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom want to rumble, but Mike intervenes
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom have a gadget that will make Mike act like Mikey
End: Song: “I’m a Janitor;” Dr. F. cleans up after Frank
Stinger: “And he didn’t steal no bike neither…I did!”
(121 votes, average: 4.4 out of 5)
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• And so the show tries to settle into a new routine, and largely succeeds. The movie is plenty riffable and the memorable riffs are plentiful. The host segments are still a little awkward, but the show ends on a real high note. It’s a sign of good things to come.
• That’s Mary Jo as the voice of Mike’s grandma; that’s Kevin as the voice of the waiter-baiter.
• Mike channels his TGIFridays days with the waiter-baiter invention.
• Once again we get a short apparently aimed not a grade-schoolers, or even high-schoolers, but college students. I wonder when, exactly, college students stopped listening to mental hygiene movies with 30-year-old Romulans playing the students. Still, the message of the short — take your time, let your parents give you a house — is a good one, perhaps even more so today.
• In the first segment, it’s amazing how many of those celebrity romances are no more: almost all of them. I guess that was the point, but I’m still impressed by their accuracy rate.
• What’s the deal with John Humphries, who plays Mikey? At the first Conventio-Con, he explained. He said was a complete novice to acting when the film was made, and that he took his acting cues from Jo Canterbury, the actress who played weepy girlfriend Betty, whom he knew was from New York and had some acting experience. Thus, as her performance became more teary and shrill, so did his.
• The movie was filmed in, and stars many of the residents of, Huntington, WV. The real sheriff even played the movie sheriff. As one reviewer put it, “The effect is of a small town putting on a high school play about a serial killer.”
• During the introduction to the immortal “Yipes Stripes” number, M&TB try to come up with the dirtiest band names they could get away with, including The Cramps, The Buzzcocks and The Butthole Surfers. I think at the time they were just looking for band names that were good punchlines, but all those bands are now considered pretty important.
• “Yipes Stripes” is a real earworm. I’ve been unwillingly humming it for days.
• We get a nice look at Crow’s legs in second segment, which is otherwise pretty forgettable.
• In this episode they began using something different from the traditional five-second shot of the spinning spaghetti ball when they went to commercial. The bits show closeups of Deep 13. In the first one, the camera focuses in on a datebook that gives the episode number and the name of the movie In the second, the camera pans along a workbench in Deep 13 and stops on a beaker labeled with that info. In the third, we see a blackboard with that info, then what looks to be a big spitball then hits the blackboard.
• In the theater, Servo whistles. Hmmm…
• Segment three is fun, though it goes on a little too long…and why “rime”?
• Mike and Tom are already in the theater after segment three, and Crow enters still wearing the Mikey glasses — and therefore talking like Mikey.
• Callbacks: “Cornjob!” (Gamera v. Guiron). “The Master wants you but he can’t have you.” (Manos) [Note: Mike does that one.] Also, references to “Eegah.”
• One thing about Mike in these early episodes (and I think somebody in the comment thread last week mentioned this) is that he seems unwilling to actually yell when the line calls for yelling. Instead he sort of whisper-yells. He sort of simulates yelling, though he’s not actually raising his voice. As he got more comfortable in the role, that kind of faded away, but it’s pretty noticeable in these early ones.
• The show ends with Mike’s first song as host, and it’s a winner. Mike sang it in the live show at the first conventio-con as well.
• Fave riff: “Fortunately, the Higgins Boys and Gruber were on the scene.”

The riffers are Cole Stratton and Janet Varney, co-founders and co-creative directors of SF Sketchfest, the San Francisco Comedy Festival (www.sfsketchfest.com).

Download it here. Free sample here.

Reminder: If you find yourself in the Los Angeles area tomorrow, another episode of Cartoon Dump will be presented at the Steve Allen Theater (with special guests).

More info here.

What we’re looking for are the moments that make you go “ewwww!”

Here are my top ten, in episode order:
• 312- GAMERA VS. GUIRON: Gaos gets carved into cold cuts. Weird and hideous.
• 405- BEING FROM ANOTHER PLANET: T.A. puts his hand in Egyptian hand killing junk–Effective makeup, effectively icky.
• 418- ATTACK OF THE THE EYE CREATURES: Any scene with two leering peepers–Ugh!
• 506- EEGAH!: the shaving scene–The horrible giant tongue puts it over the top.
• 512- MITCHELL: the love scene–I often wonder if the filmmakers were trying for sexy or nauseating?
• 513- THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE: Zippy disarms the doctor–Probably the most splatter of any MSTed movie.
• 704- THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN: the ear on the bush–effective, drippy Rick Baker makeup, brings out the “eww!” factor.
• 812- THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED-UP ZOMBIES: any scene with Ortega–He just looks nasty is what I’m sayin’.
• 1003- MERLIN’S SHOP OF MYSTICAL WONDERS: any shot of Borgnine’s giant midsection–It’s got a mind of its own!
• 1012- SQUIRM: the first time the worms overwhelm a character–I give them credit, that is genuinely creepy.

What are yours?

Cinematic Titanic is getting some mentions:
• In The National Ledger

• There’s a review at Cinegeek:

• And RiffTrax and CT have been named “officially cool”…but you knew that already.

First shown: 10/30/93
Opening: Mike’s been in training
Invention exchange: The gutter-bumber-shoot, the dream buster
Host segment 1: Mike tries to get control of the SOL, but that’s not cheese!
Host segment 2: Designing hats for Jan in the pan
Host segment 3: The movie’s hateful message; Mike shares an embarrassing moment from his past
End: A visit from Jan on the Hexfield; Dr. F. is inspired!
Stinger: “Who’s to tell me to blow if I don’t want to?”
(117 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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• I spent most of October 30, 1993, in Edina, Minnesota, at the home of a very nice lady named Debbie Tobin, with a lot of oddly dressed people I’d never met before. Thereby hangs a tale.
For the previous two years, Comedy Central had paid Best Brains to create short film segments, called “bumpers” in showbiz lingo, that would link one episode to another in its annual “turkey day” marathon of MST3K episodes, which it ran every Thanksgiving weekend. BBI had taken to the assignment with gusto, creating some truly memorable comedic moments for those marathons. But in 1993, for reasons that will never be understood, I guess, Comedy Central asked BBI to make the bumpers, but insisted that they do it for free. BBI told CC to pound sand.
CC was forced to look elsewhere for its bumpers.
Now, at the same time, something else was happening. Debbie, who was a well-known member of a very friendly and close-knit community of MSTies frequenting the Prodigy online service, had announced she was throwing a Halloween costume party on the day of Mike’s first episode. Somebody at CC, who was frequenting the Prodigy message board, saw her posting about the party and got an idea. They could send a video crew to film it and CC would have its bumpers. They contacted Debbie and she agreed. But, she was (wisely) told to keep it a secret, and most of the people who were coming had no idea the camera crew was going to be there.
Thus on the appointed day I, and about 35 jolly people from all over the country, were in Debbie’s house, and dressed rather oddly. I was dressed as Washington Post TV critic (and Joel Hodgson man-crush holder) Tom Shales. It was sort of an in-joke: I was working as TV critic at the time. Erhardt was also present — it was the first time we’d ever actually met — dressed as Bavaro (John Banner) from “Crash of the Moons.” Two or three other people were there who I’m still good friends with 15 years later.
(And let me just take time out from this story to say that if you were there at MSTieween, please drop me a line and let me know how your life is going.)
I won’t bore you with the tedious details of the bumper filming. Anybody who thinks the process of making professional video is glamorous or exciting has never done it. It’s deadly dull, a job largely made up of standing around waiting. But we managed for finish up the ordeal just before 5 p.m. local time, when this episode was to debut. Shouting “movie sign!!” we rushed to the basement and the den, where TVs were set up so we could watch.
And that’s where I was when the Mike era began.
• There is a LOT to take in here, right off the bat. New theme song lyrics, a new theme song singer, a new robot roll call and a new door sequence, all in about two minutes. It was breathtaking at the time.
• One of the new doors in the door sequence looks vaguely like a pizza. This was a cute reference to fans who said that one of the Joel-era doors made a sound that sounded like somebody saying “pizza!”
• Crow and Tom have been “training” Mike using “The Beast of Yucca Flat”(sic). I think this is only the second time they mention a movie that they would later riff — the other one being “Marooned.” There’s also a mention of “Night of the Lepus,” a movie they SHOULD have riffed.
• Right out of the box, Mike is intentionally different from Joel. In an interview that I did with Jim at about this time, he said (I’m paraphrasing from memory here) “I never quite understood why Joel’s character is so polite and deferential to the Mads. They trapped him in space! Why is he being nice to them?” Thus we have an immediately rebellious Mike, who scoffs at being expected to “hop to.” Radical!
• I love the use of the “Flint phone” sound effect with Dr. F’s invention.
• Another great “Mike as newbie” moment comes when Moviesign arrives — and Mike has no idea what to do. He then fails to carry a humiliated Tom into the theater. Crow explicitly mentions the air grate.
• Segment 1 is our first real taste of interaction between Mike and bots. They seem to be getting along okay, but it’s clear the bots have abandonment issues. Can bots have “issues”?
• I gotta say that this movie is pretty harsh for Mike’s first experiment. The scene where our “hero” goes trolling for bodies is particularly dark.
• Callback: “Back to the ‘Unearthly’ set.”
• At one point, Tom says: “Not with RADAR!” Huh? We won’t get “Radar Secret Service” for seven episodes. Is it a reference to that? Had the Brains already seen it as part of the selection process? Maybe that was a riff that came from Frank, the previewer.
• Segment 2 is fun, a bit a throwback to season 3, when Joel was forever giving the bots assignments and projects.
• Segment 3 seizes another opportunity have fun at the new guy’s expense, but also has some wonderful assessments of the movie.
• Great running gag in this one: AHH! I’M IN ANOTHER DIMENSION!!
• Fave riff: “Hahahaha…have you seen Frankenhooker?” Honorable mention: “…with a Milwaukee Sawzall.”

The Honolulu Weekly reviews the latest Cinematic Titanic release, and talks about the state of MSTing and MST3K.
(And he links to us! Yay! Thanks!)