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Weekend Discussion Thread: What Would You Do After the Apocalypse?

Longtime regular Jenny suggests;

Since we just did Warrior or the Lost World, we should discuss things you could do after the apocalypse. I mean, the world might end in 2012. SO we should be ready Just in case. First thing I would do after food, water and having some destruction fun: Burn every Michel Bay film. EVERY one. Oh, and trespass on those site that we can’t go: you know, The White house, Area 51 and my neighbor who I think is hoarder and doesn’t let ANYONE on his lawn.

Okay, so, say all the gummymints have colitis, um, I mean, all the governments have collapsed and it post-apocalyptic wasteland time. Whatever caused the depopulation, there’s food and the buildings are in tact. There’s no rules! What would ya do? (And keep it clean.)

Me, I’d go on a quest to reclaim all those Crows and Tom Servos that were donated to various Planet Hollywoods in 1996.


84 comments to Weekend Discussion Thread: What Would You Do After the Apocalypse?

  • 1
    Jbagels says:

    If it were after the apocalypse I would prepare for the Robot Holocaust. Then I would shoot some hoops in Madison Square Garden if it were still around. And then I would weep. Long and hard.


  • 2
    OnenuttyTanuki says:

    After making sure I had all the usual stuff down, I.E. Food, Shelter, Protection, locate friends and family etc.
    Find a movie theater that can play DVDs, fortifiy it, and then watch various movies, MST3K, T.V. Shows and Anime on the big screen.
    Come to think of it probably a good choice of something like this would go all Dawn of the Dead and take over a shopping mall that has a built-in movie theater with a group of friends and family.


  • 3
    ck says:

    Get electric generators (powered by coal, oil, or something),
    then lots of rechargable batteries, find a nice fortress of
    solitude with dvd and dvr televisions, secure all the DR. WHO
    (back to 1963) and MST3000 shows, and a secure supermarket
    and garden plus a library nearby.

    Oh, and make sure you have lots of backup reading glasses!


  • 4
    Canucklehead says:

    Wait, you mean the Apocalypse hasn’t happened already? But I was promised!

    *grumble grumble* lousy Cults…


  • 5
    Hayley says:

    Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. Oh wait, apocalypse?


  • 6
    trickymutha says:

    I’d make sure the message board title spelled “apocalypse” correctly- (it’s not apocalpse)


  • 7
    Dark Grandma of Death says:

    Maybe “apocalpse” is the lighthearted, funnier version of the world’s end? You know, with a good soundtrack and lots of quirky characters.

    Speaking of soundtracks, I’d make sure my iPod was fully charged & had a wide selection of music.

    Or I’d just seek out ck, who seems to have a pretty solid game plan.


  • 8
    lancecorbain says:

    Eat nothing but junk food for about a week straight (or longer, who cares at this point) then secure a drive-in. After a few raids on various film vaults around the globe, start a marathon to determine what is truly the worst film left in existance. Then, bury it in cement for future aliens to find with a message reading “MANKIND’S GREATEST ACHEIVEMENT”. I’m betting on something executive produced/controlled by Speilberg in the last five years, like The Lovely Bones or Transformers 2.


  • 9
    Aldo Farnese is Mr. Krasker says:

    I’d getting really fat and watch Avenger’s everyday at the local multiplex.


  • 10
    Invasion of the Neptune Man says:

    I’d visit Monster Island and try to wake up Godzilla (Smells like a big wet dog in here). I mean what harm could he do after the Apocalypse?


  • 11
    Wes says:

    Organize a Shakespeare in the Park production with the myutants.


  • 12
    Kenneth Morgan says:


    Well, after getting my family together and securing food, power, shelter, etc., I’d be left with a whole lot of free time. So, I’d make regular trips to any film or video vaults I could locate and just start cataloging. Who knows? I might just run into some missing “Doctor Who” episodes, the cut footage from “Magnificent Ambersons” or some lost Ernie Kovacs shows.

    And, just for fun, I’d try to track down some of the robot sculptures Joel made and sold pre-KTMA.


  • 13
    dsman71 says:

    Hide, watch TV look for female survivors, have a few laughs, eat, and look for the nearest Holiday InnSmile
    And get some therapy


  • 14
    revlillo says:

    I would track down the offices of Best Brains in the Twin Cities, search high and low for the broadcast cassettes of the KTMA MST3K’s, devise a crude generator out of a bicycle, and hook it up to a TV & VCR. That way, I could watch all the episodes in high quality and get myself in shape to outrun all the inevitable mutants.


  • 15
    underwoc says:

    Anyone who’s played Fallout 3 knows the first order of business is to defend yourself from the giant mutated cockroaches…

    Then, I think I’d have to get the mandatory Mohawk and start hoarding gasoline. Would have to watch out for aging Air Force pilots with their own personal figher jets (and Megaweapons, of course). Maybe I could construct a biosphere and populate it with worker robots, who would take care of the forest after I die…


  • 16
    mstgator says:

    I’d perform this way and get another tattoo while watching TMZ and partying in the CIA with Charles Nelson Reilly. You know, whatever you like.

    Wait, no… that was the Alpocalypse.


  • 17
    Stoneman says:

    Well, my thoughts replicate everything that has been mentioned: gather all my favorite DVDs and CDs that I don’t have already, and also raid the libraries and comic shops to satisfy my various reading habits, and then…I would really just relax!


  • 18
    Insect Man #47 says:

    I would stash my Insect Man comic book (I mean graphic novel…. sorry Tom) collection where no one could find it. And then I would conspire with the Clippers to overthrow the D.A.’s and destroy their collaboration with the Sunya Corporation, so that all the kids could return to their hometowns and live free, despite the fact that the throttle is on the left on my Indian Motorcycle. Then I would ride into the sunset with Kim Cattral.


  • 19
    sol-survivor says:

    I’d probably run into a tree, get smarter, and invent the bow and arrow.


  • 20
    robniles says:

    Why, leave the Bronx, of course.


  • 21
    Joseph Nebus says:

    Well, I for one would get out this long bathrobe, this white with red striped ones that I don’t use normally because I don’t have time to go lounging. I’d wear normal outfits underneath it, of course, because it’d just be for style and because it has some nice deep pockets that’d be useful for stuff. And I figure I’d take to the road, wandering from village to village, and telling the little kids tales of what life was like before the apocalypse.

    You know, like, how there used to be trees that grew cats, or how when there was electricity we could use trampolines to make us fly. Maybe talk about how everyone would gather their loved ones every April 15th to wish away the haunted voice of something known only as “Joel McCrae”. Share the rules of the old national pastime of tricking other people into running with sticks while you hide under the bed. You know, the history and folklore they wouldn’t be getting from their own parents already.


  • 22
    The Great Lake Avenger says:

    Bill Murray in Zombieland had it right. His way of surviving an apocolipse is the only way that makes sense.


  • 23
    bobhoncho says:

    Well, for one thing, I would say “to hell with my celiac disease” because it will be even harder to find gluten-free food. Besides that, I would search the Detroit area to see if Megan Myslinski (a really sweet girl I know) is still alive and okay, and ask her to join me in walking the Earth. We would live the life of nomads.


  • 24
    Bob (NotThatBob) says:

    I’d put all the Susan Hart owned MST eps on DVD.


  • 25
    Tamlin42 says:

    I’d probably get a few guns, maybe a few like-minded individuals, go to the local correctional facility and clear it out and fortify it, make it comfortable for normal habitation. if that gets boring I’ll shack up in an observatory, clean it out…see if I can rig it up so that telescope feeds an image to a projector on the wall, and trip balls all night while watching the universe keep on going without us.


  • 26
    agentmom says:

    First I’d watch all the “Walking Dead” episodes on netflix before the internet goes caput and see how they survive. Then I’d watch my Blu-ray of Zombieland and write down all the “Rules.” After that I would tell my hubby he doesn’t have to worry about returning the company car, and we use it to travel the country with our kids. I would insist we go from town to town that wasn’t overrun with zombies and secure all the surviving tapes of MST3K that selfish people had hoarded before the apocy-clipse. After I had all the tapes I would find that motorcycle with the irritating voice from Warrior of the Lost World and beat it to death. Then I would find if Florida was still there, declare it a new country and retire.


  • 27
    trickymutha says:

    I’d farm and create my own electricity. That would allow outside contact via wireless, and the ability to watch MST. From there, we’d create a new society of tolerance, agriculture and humor. This would last until Torgo and the Master (wives in tow) arrive. From there, the human race is divided between Male slaves and occasional breeders and the Master’s marriage cult. Torgo will finally get a woman, the entire event is filmed and riffed on by a man who escapes to a suburban movie theater and takes up residency.


  • 28
    Hollysdower says:

    Well, if it was after the apocalypse, I’d be equipped with a good pair of walking shoes. Starting at Union Station, I’d head east on Van Buren across the river, perhaps viewing one of the intricate lift bridges in action. My heart would race as I approached the world-famous Loop, named for the “loop” formed by the elevated train or “L” as it circles the downtown area. It would be Tuesday, so my admission is free at the Art Institute. My uncle’s membership card gets me into the member’s cafeteria, where I would dawdle over a delicious fruit cocktail. Then I’d stroll down Michigan Avenue…it doesn’t cost a dime to gaze in wonder at the elite shops of the Magnificent Mile. “Oh, no thanks, ma’am; just window shoppin’!” The new Comiskey Park beckons warmly from Halstead and 35th. The outfield bleachers are a great value and the always exciting White Sox promise to be a force in the American League West for years to come! Finally, (thank goodness for my student I.D.!) I’d finish up at the Art Institute, the Shedd Aquarium, Lincoln Park, and Evanston.

    Oh, but remember…I have a good pair of walking shoes!


  • 29
    ck says:

    Hmm. Somehow that plan sounds vaguely familiar.

    Sounds like you’ve Got A Plan for those
    Very Bad Mothers.

    On the plus side, the apocalypse would probably free Megaweapon
    from his film committments and give him time to finally take
    care of the computer and the Paper Chase Guy.


  • 30
    EricJ says:

    I’d go beat up Burgess Meredith. The guy wears glasses, how tough could he be? Smile


  • 31
    Cabbage Patch Elvis says:

    Finally, an excuse for me to drink my own urine!


  • 32
    mst3ktemple says:

    I can’t really imagine the apocalypse changing much of my current daily routine. I might have to kill a few more mutants, but other than that…nope. Pretty much the same.


  • 33
    bobhoncho says:

    Well, now that Hollysdower mentions it, when Megan and I reach Chicago on our walk of the Earth, we would burst through the front door of the Continental Bank building, wielding our Tommy guns. But after that, our walking of the Earth will be peaceful, and we’ll probably head to Montana to help Zefram Cochrane develop his warp drive system, so that we can achieve First Contact with the Vulcans.


  • 34
    Watch-out-for-Snakes says:

    After the apocalypse, I’d drive around looking for a place less humid.


  • 35
    Watch-out-for-Snakes says:

    Also, I’d probably make a stop at Thunderdome..


  • 36
    servomademesayit says:

    I’d like to decide who lives and who dies.

    (Oh, I dunno…)


  • 37
    Flying Saucers Over Oz says:

    I’d take a nap…


  • 38
    Matthew Redwine says:

    *sigh* Can’t we just get BEYOND Thunderdome??? I would visit art museums worldwide until I amassed the most impressive private collection ever! Got the idea from I am Legend when I saw Van Gough’s Starry Night on Will Smith’s mantle. I assumed it must have been the original.


  • 39
    Cambot J. Nelson says:

    Aside from dying of exposure? Maybe get a hold of the mullet head who invented the transporter, most likely by the mini doughnut implanted in his chin, and, I dunno, give him a stern talking to about a thing or two. But if our world’s end was caused by The Big One, I’d probably do a lot of dramatics, Heston-style. Same goes for the kind of apocalypse where vampires would want to burn me and make me legend, but it would still all be Planet of the Apes quotes as I never saw The Omega Man.

    I regret nothing!


  • 40
    John M Hanna says:

    I would go around to every church, temple, synagogue, and mosque and replace all the iconography with images of Gadget Hackwrench from ‘Chip & Dale’s Rescue Rangers’.

    Keep the cult alive.


  • 41
    Canucklehead says:

    Seriously, if the Apolcalypse happened tomorrow (and it probably will), I would try to gather all my loved ones together, fortify a part of the city, and try to return to a life as normal as possible.

    Just remember folks, that whatever happens, know this:

    You want to get out of here, you talk to me.


  • 42
    Bob (NotThatBob) says:

    Ooops – sorry #38 – guess I should really read other people’s posts before I post my own.


  • 43
    WeatherServo9 says:

    Well, it may seem obvious, but I’d learn, almost too late, that man is a feeling creature and, because of it, the greatest in the universe. I’d learn, too late for myself, that men have to make their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can’t be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And, when men seek such perfection, they find there’s only death, fire, loss, disillusionment, the end of everything that’s gone forward. Men have always sought an end to toil and misery. It can’t be given; it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from man himself.


  • 44
    Kathy says:

    “I would track down the offices of Best Brains in the Twin Cities, search high and low for the broadcast cassettes of the KTMA MST3K’s”

    Don’t forget the private video collections of Joel, Josh, Trace, Kevin & Mallon. I’d bet everyone of them have those “lost” episodes.

    I’d move into the Library of Congress, set up a projector and start with the un-screwed with copy of “Star Wars” (before all this “New Hope” stuff started).


  • 45
    Joseph Nebus says:

    I should mention, early on, when I’m putting together my post-apocalypse wardrobe, I’d stock up on penny loafers. After the end of civilization there’s no telling how long we’ll go between getting shoelaces, so, best to do away with the need for them.


  • 46
    Hollysdower says:

    You know, Captain, in the event of an apocalypse, I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and the best is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful. If you just take the time to look at it.


  • 47
    The Bolem says:

    @#40: The ironic thing about that whole Gadget-cult situation is that her greatest ep of Rescue Rangers was the one where she blew the lid off that “Cola-Cult” where mice were duped into giving up all their money while being baptized in different flavors of sodee-pop. When pop-culture-cults immediately fill up with adherents who don’t know their own gospel, my inner geek really loses faith. I thank Primus that my holy books are finally getting reprinted in order so I can brush up…

    Speaking of cults, it sounds like a lot of us would be on board with forming some sort of organization dedicated to preserving as much of our favorite movies and TV as possible. Location would be a tough call: After the Apocalypse, it’d be hard for me to think outside of USA, but collecting close to its geographic center would be a good start. Chicago’s naturally been mentioned, but assuming rising sea levels would be a big factor, I wouldn’t want to be TOO close to the Great Lakes (if the intro of Waterworld is to be believed) so…

    St. Louis? What better place to show movies than the Show Me State?

    Or maybe we’d have to settle for wherever that Twinkie factory is. I’d mostly regret not living close enough to Lap-Lab to pitch in on the Cornelius/Brunner hermaphrodite project.


  • 48
    dansoderburg says:

    First id hit up some liqour stores and pharmacies and stock up on “essentials”. After washing down a vicodin and adderall cocktail with some fine kentucky bourbon out of a terminator 2 big gulp id hit up the nearest car dealership, grab the fastest carS on the lot, and then crash them into the slowest while blaring Death Grips. After molotov cocktailing some SUVs id make my way to a guitar shop and demolish some guitars. Then on to the gun store, and so on. Also id make sure to have a plucky stray dog pal to join me on my path of infinite destruction. His name will be Francis the Wonderdog.


  • 49
    ck says:

    You’re quite a guy, Hollysdower.


  • 50
    Mr. B(ob) says:

    This is an easy one. After the apocalypse you have to get to the Power Station. I think I heard that in a movie once, maybe on season one of some show with puppets and a comedian for a host.

    Alternatively, of course, you could “duck and cover”.


  • 51
    Hollysdower says:

    I suppose I’d take the night train to Mundo Fine…Night train to the end!
    Running hard and running fast…To meet my future and away from my past!
    Taking that gamble that cannot last…Night train to the end!

    Hell’s ride to Mundo Fine…Hell’s ride to the end!
    Sold my soul to the devil’s men…He draws me hard with a merciless hand!
    And all I bought is a handful of sand…Night train to the end!

    I’m on this ride ’cause I have no pride in myself, or in men, or in God!
    Now if you want to share in the price of my fare,
    Then fill your mind with greed and blind
    And wander in its evil fog!

    Night train to Mundo Fine…Night train to the end!
    Running hard and running fast…To meet my future and away from my past!
    Taking the gamble that cannot last…Night train to the end!


  • 52
    Canucklehead says:

    I think the Apocalypse is on the way (or was narrowly avoided), because I think I just unlocked a secret to the Coleman Francis trilogy hitherto unknown for decades.

    His trilogy appears to be related to the classical Greek elements. How so, you may ask? Like this:

    Earth – Beast of Yucca Flats
    Air – Skydivers
    Water – Red Zone Cuba

    He presumably died before he could complete one for Fire. However, if by the end of this year we discover that a “lost” Francis film is found, God help us all.


  • 53
    Mystos says:

    If I found a mullet dude with a transport I’d go back in time to get any loved ones who didn’t survive, supplies, and some favorite philosophers and writers to talk with, and for them to write more. Hey, it’s my fantasy! I’d also bring into the future a couple of guys and gals to watch and riff movies. I think you all know who they are.
    I’d also go back in time and have classes in flying airplanes and operating boats so I could travel around the world, being careful to avoid dangerous areas (with sudden extinction and other apocalyptic things, some areas would be contaminated). If no transport, I’d find manuals on how to fly and operate those.

    Might also reenact a favorite scene from Night of the Comet (dreadfully underrated apocalypse flick from 1984), the mall scene with Cyndi Lauper’s ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ playing. That would probably be the most ‘wild’ thing I’d do. Wouldn’t destroy or loot too much, as I’d want to leave supplies in case I came back and was in need. I’d also be armed in case of any Night of the Comet, Omega Man type monsters.
    Mostly, I’d do a lot of reading, exploring, movie watching, music listening. I’d also savor the silence. There’s none left nowadays. That’s what I’d do if I was the only one left. If there were small groups of others, I’d probably avoid them for the most part, unless we saw things more or less the same.


  • 54
    Stan McSerr says:

    I would get an RV, hang around an old man and right all the wrongs, while traveling the post apocalyptic countryside.
    Oh I would wear a costume
    with a cape
    and have a catch word to do this.

    ah, ok
    goodbye Razz


  • 55
    mansquatch says:

    I don’t know what I would do, but I know I would be doing it naked. Cool


  • 56
    itsspideyman says:

    I’d take a ride on Gamera out of the solar system.

    You know, Gamera is a friend of all children.

    Oh, and I’d give a coke to the little girl.


  • 57
    Trilaan says:

    Yeah, I’d take everything I learned about surviving the apocalypse from Deathlands novels and Damnation Alley, travel around in a kick-arse war wagon with enough ammo to slaughter the stars in the night sky with my laptop and film library in tow. I’d go to movie theaters and watch every movie I ever wanted to see on the big screen, of course inviting any locals to join in.


  • 58
    thedumpster says:

    Wake up and realize that it was all a dream.


  • 59
    jcmst3k says:

    by fortune or design, id get a radiation suit that would partially protect me (assuming apocalypse due to nuclear war) from bad vibes. id stalk a young one who began to wonder and convince him that theres no bad stuff beyond the river. then id get in good with his girlfriend by showing her my commemorative spoon collection and hope for the best.


  • 60
    agentmom says:

    43 WeatherServo9: Damn that should have been mine! LOL!


  • 61
    David J says:

    I would conduct a lot of experiments to find out if roaches and Hostess Twinkies really can survive absolutely anything.


  • 62
    Boot Blacking says:

    See if the MST3K of “The Green Slime” actually exists.


  • 63
    Neptune Man says:

    I would like to see how the stock footage lizards from Robot Monster hunt down the rowdy hobos from Time Chasers. Then, I would make an Atomic Party and invite Joseph Jarvosky, Glenn Manning, the Horror of Party Beach, those mutants from Robot Holocaust, and of course, the Deadly Mantis. After that I will ask Robert Vaughn who is his hairdresser.


  • 64
    ck says:

    If pressed for time with an apocalypse looming you might consider
    a U. S. Air Force Survival Kit.
    (Shoot! A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff).

    Survival Kit contents check:
    In them you will find one 45 caliber automatic.
    2 boxes ammunition.
    4 days concentrated emergency rations.
    1 drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills.
    1 miniature combination Roosian phrasebook and Bible.
    100 dollare in rubles.
    100 dollars in gold.
    9 packs of chewing gum.
    1 issue of prophylactics.
    3 lipsticks.
    3 pairs of nylon stockings.


  • 65
    Pet the llama says:

    Cool Smile Yes High Five! Soldier US Flag Hammer Pill Airplane Island Cigarette


  • 66
    Matches4Mikey says:

    I see what you did there, Pet the Llama. Good plan, sir. But smoking kills.


  • 67
    Watch-out-for-Snakes says:

    @64: Well done, ck.


  • 68
    Cambot J. Nelson says:

    I agree with #67 @64, especially regarding the nylon, I’m assuming in case of sudden breakout of a Roji Panty complex. Quit adept in the field I see.


  • 69
    feargal says:

    Hmmmm….off to the big city, or hole up in the middle of nowhere? Personally, I’d rather watch the world end from a fancy NYC apartment-I just adore a penthouse view. How about a last night at the museum? What a magnificent mansion in which to wind down humanity’s sad and frenzied little tale.


  • 70
    Michael Deeley says:

    Learn to fly an airplane and travel around the world. With all that free time, I can visit all those famous cities and landmarks before they’re looted. Also stop by the nuclear plants, perform some maintenance and prevent meltdowns.

    I’d also destroy any entertainment I found offensive. Like the CGI Chipmunks movies, all iterations of “Grease”, (except the sequel-make ’em wonder!), and all books by right-wing politicians.

    And if any of those people survived, I’d have to kill them too. To ensure they don’t poison future geenrations with their destructive, selfish ideology.


  • 71
    Sitting Duck says:

    @#66: But it’s cool!


  • 72
    robot rump! says:

    i’d shave my head and obtain a quirky british accent. grab all the fruity leather star child outfits i could find. then, i think i’ll organize any survivors and greasy thugs into a tolitarian regime and get ready to fight the ‘Pyuma Man.’


  • 73
    Yipe Striper says:

    i’d do some entertaining…


  • 74
    crowtdan says:

    I would find Frannie Goldsmith and kill her. That ***** had no right to survive in the first place. I have been thinking about this since the early 80’s. Thank you for giving me the opportunity.


  • 75
    Brandon says:

    “I don’t know what I would do, but I know I would be doing it naked.”

    I hope Summer Glau decides to do that too.


  • 76
    Bombastic Biscuit Boy says:

    i got this one already wrapped up! i convinced two “peeved researchers” to load me in a launchable satellite, stocked with plenty of jumpsuits and special parts. oh, and they said something about “cheesy movies,” but i didn’t quite catch that part…now if i can just find a box of Hamdingers…


  • 77
    ck says:

    You’re kidding. What could possibly be in there of
    value? Nobody likes hamdingers.


  • 78
    Dark Grandma of Death says:

    #56 itsspideyman says:

    “Oh, and I’d give a coke to the little girl.”

    No Coke! Pepsi!!


  • 79
    Really old Teenager From Outerspace says:

    I’d search for Gary Sinise, Rob Lowe and Molly Ringwald and head to Kansas to meet up with Mother Abigail. Then on to Boulder, Colordo to put together our new lives…what could possibly go wrong.


  • 80
    Cornjob says:

    A lot of good ideas here. I might head on down to New Zealand and hang out with a black guy and a pretty lady who digs us both.


  • 81
    Matt D says:

    I figure that it would just be me and Jack Perkins (zombie Jack Perkins most likely), and he can tell me just about the most delightful stories ever told. We could eventually get married in California (because that state would have just passed a law allowing for gay zombie weddings) and have a delightful ceremony, whose invitations would be printed on a lovely eggshell white print stock.

    We would eventually divorce…you know, cause he’s a zombie, but I would still remember Jack and I’s own private apocalypse.


  • 82
    Matt D says:

    I’s should be my of course, cause I’d still be a grammar nazi even in the end times.


  • 83
    Crow T. Robert says:

    Build a Megaweapon out of dump trucks and hunt down that stupid bike.


  • 84
    PETE58 says:

    I would build an arena and have deathmatch sidehacking with a statue of JC showing us the light.