ROMANCES IN MSTed MOVIES: A great many MSTed movies feature a romance of some sort, even if it’s sometimes awkwardly shoehorned in. Which of them strike you as being “true” romances, with a definite connection between the characters. And, conversely, which ones strike you as being just plain unbelievable and only there because the script says so?
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Weekend Discussion Thread: Best and Worst Romances in MSTed MoviesWith Valentine’s Day coming up, alert regular Kenneth has a timely suggestion:
71 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Best and Worst Romances in MSTed Movies”Commenting at Satellite News
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I’ll limit my observations to marriages, and MST gave us almost too many horrific holy matrimonies to count: Mr. and Mrs. Cigarette Hag in ‘The Deadly Bees,’ Peg and Joe Gambel in the ‘Space Children,’ the hateful hillbillies in ‘Giant Spider Invasion,’ lobotomized Harry and helmet-head Beth in ‘Skydivers,’ June and Dr. Rejuvenation in ‘The Leech Woman,’ the scrawny-ass bowler and Natalie Imbruglia in ‘Track of the Moon Beast…’ The list goes on.
Good marriages? Hmm… I guess the main couple in ‘Space Children’ seemed pretty stable, ditto Jackie Coogan and Ethel Mertz. And you could really feel some heat in those head-butts between Keemar and his wife in “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.”
What about the kids making out in the car in Manos? All they wanted to do was be left alone so they could drink and mash their faces together but someone had to go and make a stupid movie around them.
Good romance:
From “Teenage Strangler” Jimmy’s friend, the one who is hassled by the Fastbacks’ leader and the girl who gets it in the shower. They seemed to care for each other, even if he doesn’t show any emotions after she is killed. She defends him, showing she cares. If she was as tough as Marine soda jerk, she could have spent a lifetime defending him.
Bad romance or why did they do it?
Police Lt. Richard ‘Dick’. Chasen and Eva Martin from “The Indestructible Man”. Throughout the whole movie, the only thing they share is a couple of hamburgers and a robbery/murder chase. There is absolutely no chemistry between them, at all. But at the end of the movie he says, “I got you fired. I figured that being a cop’s wife would take up most of your time,” or something stupid like that. Some writer’s asinine thought about how a movie should end.
Between the movies and the SOL…
Crow’s yearning for Kim Cattrall (City Limits) was touching, as was Servo’s for “creepy girl” (Catalina Caper).
On the other hand, SOL-exclusive relationships aren’t so good.
Servo and Gypsy was awkward and painful.
And I second the Crow-Servo wedding as worst! Those two just aren’t the gay robot marriage type. Now, C3PO and Geoff Peterson, on the other hand…..
Oh, Gary… pull your slacks up higher!
Speaking of horrible mutated spiders, how about Mike and Carol from ‘Earth vs the Spider’? They may not have been a bad match but Mike had a serious case of foot-in-mouth syndrome.
Mike:”How about I buy you a new bracelet?”
Joel:”Yeah, how about I buy you a new dad…”
“Stitch” Connors & Beverly Garland in “Swamp Diamonds” … if only …
the many star-crossed romances in “Attack of the Giant Leeches” …
all the mutant locusts lured into drowning by a siren’s call in “Beginning of the End” …
love bites, man.
Worst:
Part 3 of General Hospital short. He was a creep. She was a pushover. Both putrid characters.
Best:
Natalie and Zack from Soultaker. They seemed to care for each other.
I guess the couple in It Lives by Night deserves honorable mention. Well they didn’t seem to have great chemistry in the movie but they have been married in real life since 1970.
In case no one has mentioned it by now, J.C. and his girlfriend from Sidehackers had what I think is the worst. Domestic violence, followed by murder, followed by a heartfelt (if one sided) conversation strikes me as being even worse than the Leach Woman and her husband or the Hargroves. Though I would add that Mr. Hargrove had the distinction of the movie wanting us to consider him a good guy because he wasn’t the bee happy serial killer. Manfred may have been a nut that killed people with bugs just because he could, but besides that he was always perfectly gracious, polite, and reasonable. Compared to the way the Hargroves treated each other Manfred came across as being the better person and neighbor.
Good:
I agree that Jessica and Gordon in The Thing That Couldn’t Die had chemistry and they were good about hinting that there was sexual tension between them.
Mick and Geri from Squirm also had good chemistry in Squirm, and in the uncut version, the sister is strongly implied to have a crush on Mick, too.
Both couples in Bloodlust got along well, too.
Bad:
Paper Chase guy and Nastasia/Natasha in Warrior of the Lost World. He leaves her behind to be tortured and brainwashed. Then she shoots him, later. She was brainwashed at the time, but she shot Prosser instead of shooting her father, so if she wanted she could have not shot the Paper Chase guy.
Critter and Michelle in The Girl in Gold Boots. Maybe it was the lack of acting, but they didn’t seem to get along at all.
Margaret and Mike from Manos. They look like two people that barely know each other. Margaret had more chemistry(though it was still very little) with Torgo.
Mike Nelson said it best:
“Flat drab passion meanders across the screen!”
For that reason I say Jenny and her psychotic killer husband Eric from “The Screaming Skull” weren’t meant for each other.
On the other hand, Alexander Phipps and those Electric appliances were on fire in “Young Mans Fancy”.
@41 – Oh yeah sure – Eddie Deezen as Froggy and Mike Bobenko as Chuck Boran/Stephen Stills. Chuck overplayed it so hard with the misogyny and hatred of Froggy that it’s clear he had a burning passion for him, one that burned even hotter than the fire that roasted him alive in his cherry ’56/’57 Chevy.
I don’t know if Kathy and Paul in Moonbeast qualify for one of the Worst Romances, but the line “We’re an icky couple.” I’ve thought in my head about a few of my own relationships so I thank their furtive and uncomfortable love for inspiring it.
a bit surprised no one has mentioned “young republican love” couple from “horror of party beach” or lance fuller & hypno girl from she-creature – those two pairs personified lack of chemistry!
@57 Oddly, I was rooting for Touch and the cop (who admittedly didn’t have the great beauty of Beverly Garland). He seemed to admire her commitment and toughness, and he was her perfect damsel in distress. I totally bought that they dug each other.
@60 I think she wanted to shoot the Paper Chase guy. She probably read the script and saw she was going to have to kiss him, so she was probably thinking “might as well get something out of this.”
One of my favorites is the romance between Blood Beast and Johnny. They have a brief fling, Johnny gets pregnant, Blood Beast wants to make it right and have a relationship, pursues Johnny and tries to meet his friends despite getting burned and shot at, then Johnny convinces them all to meet his new love. Too bad it ends tragically, but then so many great love stories do. :)
Come on people! The best is mean slutty and drunk Tina from Horror at party beach. A whole beach full of men came to watch her swing! The worst is the couple from screaming skull. What a healthy relationship. Honorable mention to the make out couple from manos. True love is making out for days on end.
Good: Zap Rowsdowers romance with booze was sincere and heartfelt.
Bad: Mitchells love affair with beer was tawdry and purely physical.
I’m gonna go straight for the negative:
Track of the Moon Beast – Paul and Kathy. They had, what, known each other for less than 24 hours and instantly become bf/gf?
Fingel and Appolonia – I think this one just irritates me the most. I didn’t see ANY reason why she should have liked this guy…and all of a sudden she gets upset that he’s ‘using his imagination?’ Lady, he’s preoccupying himself which while not your cup of tea, is giving you time to not worry about him causing trouble, and can be useful as his body is found!
Hill and Mitchell from Projected Man – I didn’t see just why she fell for Mitchell, unless she’s just starving for some attention from any man who is not Paul.
I am also wondering what Coleman Francis was ‘doing’ making Tony Cardoza the town’s ladies man in The Skydivers. The man has -67 charisma, yet has several women fawning over him. Guess that little town must really be nowhere (then again, they do have people coming from all over just to watch skydiving).
BEST: Dave ‘Slab-McHuge’ Ryder and Lea-Daughter-Of-Santa-Leader from ‘SPACE MUTINY’….
Those two perpetually confused, yet intensely driven physical specimens started posturing towards each other from the start. Can`t wait to see the kiddies ! Of course they belong together.
WORST: Mitchell and Greta-The-High-Priced-Hooker in ‘MITCHELL’…..
Everything about them screams UNBELIEVEABLE, from her bizarre continued affection for him AFTER the money stops rolling in, to his roughly jerking her into jail over a little Weed in her purse….(I`m just sayin`)….I seriously doubt that talent lookin` like Linda Evans regularly falls into slovenly Mitchell`s perpetually un-made bed, so he`s going to haul her off to the slammer ?? I don`t think so.
Now, hand me a ‘Bud’ (of some kind) and pass the Baby Oil…(Ugh!!)
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