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Goodbye Sci-Fi

Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett reflect on MST3K's final broadcast.

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Weekend Discussion Thread: Your Top 5 Riffs of All Time

I know, there are thousands of brilliant riffs, but let’s hear your five all-time favorites, the ones that made you fall off the couch.

Here’s mine:

1. “Nipple, nipple, tweak, tweak, fly! fly! fly!” — The Corpse Vanishes

2. “Its Gloria Estefan and the Catalina Deus Ex Sound Machina!” (One of the greatest riffs ever, that’s FIVE JOKES IN 10 WORDS!) — Catalina Caper

3. “Gomez! I’ve invented the wheel!!” — Cave Dwellers

4. “Get back in your little boat, Grandpa!” –The Deadly Mantis

5. “Okay, stop. Everyone go up a shirt size.” — Werewolf

Let’s hear yours! Give both the riff and the episode it came from.

137 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Your Top 5 Riffs of All Time”

  1. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE says:

    Oh so many more (but I’ll try to wrap it up, seriously):

    1. “They’re listening to ‘Kind of White'” – I Was a Teenage Werewolf
    2. “I detect the liver-spotted hand of Aaron Spelling is behind this.” – Angel’s Revenge
    3. [In a really good Bullwinkle voice] “Can somebody put me out? I seem to be on fire!” – Day the Earth Froze
    4. “I thought Jerry Garcia was Father Mushroom” – Jack Frost
    5. “Has anybody seen my record?” – Invasion of the Neptune Men

    OK, really, finally done now.

    Oh wait…


  2. Castleton Snob says:

    Five that occur to me immediately:

    “…and I’ll look like a leather pancake.” (Cave Dwellers)

    “He has a scorched face policy!” (Star Fighters)

    “Now I’m gonna hit myself with road flares!” (Hobgoblins)

    “Ah, it’s the fadeaway jerk handshake.” (Riding with Death)

    “By now, my hair had blanketed my football head.” (LOBC2)


  3. crowschmo says:

    “This is the part of the film we like to call, She HAD to ask.” – Crow, Cave Dwellers

    “Son of Flogmar, Keeper of the Seven Keys of Fantoozler.” – Crow, Cave Dwellers

    “Honey, when you look for someone, what d’ya do?” – Crow, Manos

    “Morning comes to cheap, white trash.” – Crow, Pod People

    (When Maj. whats-his-name asks Joyce what makes her think she’ll find Glen) “He’s sixty flippin’ feet tall!” – Crow, War of the Colossal Beast.

    All these are Crow, I have more from other movies and from other riffers, but, c’mon, that’ll take all year. :)


  4. Mibbitmaker says:

    Whaddayaknow, there’s 5 more…

    1. “Dead end. Dead end.” “dead end, dead end dead end dead end….” (to the Pink Panther tune)- Lost Continent
    2. “He’s out standing in his field.” – Monster a Go Go
    3. “CHARRED FINGAAAAH!” – Manos (I can’t look at the scene itself. Too gross)
    4. Crow: “Ford Beebee! Ford Beebee!”, like a…. um…. robot. – Commander Cody short
    5. Joel: “[celebrity a character looks like], no!” – various


  5. Leave Crow T. Robert Denby Alone says:

    5. “I mean, soon I’ll be able to consider myself having GOTTEN lucky, right?” -Track of the Moon Beast

    4. “And another proud civilization dies out… sometimes. This LOSER civilization however, will not be missed!” Prince of Space

    3. “Increase the Flash Gordon noise and put more science stuff around.” This Island Earth

    2. “Any FRUIT TO DECLARE!?” -Warrior of the Lost World

    1. “Which is the sharp side?” -The Final Sacrifice

    That didn’t take long at all!


  6. Troy says:

    1) “Ho, Ho, Ho! Can do!” – Tom Servo, as an overly-enthusiastic Santa, reading a little kid’s letter asking for a baby brother.

    2) “Put your helmet on, we’ll be reaching speeds of three!” – One of many classic lines from Space Mutiny

    3) “Then Johnny transmogrifies. He’s a shapeshifter, and he breaks the fourth seal.” – The perfect retort to a bad edit/missing couple of frames from A Day at the Fair.

    4) “Hey mister, your ninja’s dragging!” – Having lived with many a crapped out car, this Master Ninja riff gets me every time

    5) You know what my kids would say… “You’re not my real father!” – The best joke from the MST3K Movie


  7. JM says:

    Personal Favorites…

    1. (Funky music starts) “Working on a sex farm” — ESCAPE 2000
    2. “Silly string ninja, in color” (as Van Cleef reaches and grabs steering wheel).— MASTER NINJA I
    3. (Mid fight between Jimmy and Curly).. “This looks like Operation Rescue” — TEENAGE STRANGLER
    4. (Cop says ‘Plan R for Robert’ into the police radio).. “That’s R for rump, we’re gonna moon ’em, okay drop trou there Bob” (as the cop car passes the Rebels car) “Those guys mooned us!” — WILD REBELS


  8. dcmatthews says:

    I have to add one more my wife just reminded me of:

    “That’s my cue – Big Alan Steel! Splash me on in the morning, wear the great smell of me all day!” – Hercules Against the Moon Men


  9. The Grackle of Weltschmerz says:

    In no particular order:

    “Oh, my god! The humidifier committed suicide!” — Godzilla vs. Megalon
    “The Hunan Duplicators!” — The Human Duplicators
    “More squid eyes?” — Prince of Space
    “Every frame of this movie looks like someone’s last known photograph.” — Manos
    “We’re white, we’re white, we’re really really white…” — Mr. B Natural


  10. tersegirl says:

    1. “I can’t get this thing back in my pants, Earl” (Why Study Industrial Arts?)

    2. “Trains are blameless, holy creatures. They have no time for you corn-shucking crackers.” (Last Clear Chance)

    3. The ENTIRE song medley from the closing credits of Werewolf. (of course, Werewolf)

    4. “Hey, how ya doin? We’re gonna have a great time! We’re gonna be paaaaaals!” (Home Economics Story)

    5. “I love you this much…!” “I don’t care for you…!” (Overdrawn at the Memory Bank)

    Honorable Mentions

    “Just a few dozen more!” (Cave Dwellers)
    “I’m just going to get the paper. (Jack Frost)
    “IDent…!” “Well, that’s a shame. Maybe you need a polyvinyl coating.” (Overdrawn at the Memory Bank)


  11. Kevin says:

    1. “Talk Quicker!” -A Touch of Satan

    2. “… He crapped bigger than me.” -Outlaw of Gor

    3. “Food. Eating. The Theatre.” -Pod People

    4. “I KNOWWWWW!” -Devil Fish

    5. “A-Ruffaroo, Bow-wow-wow!!” followed immediately by “After that dog!”-Prince of Space


  12. Gromilini says:

    1. “Could Leonard Maltin be wrong and this isn’t worth 2 ½ stars?” — LASERBLAST

    2. “But I got a mantis in my pantis.” — THE DEADLY MANTIS

    3. “I really need to simplify my masturbation ritual.” — BLOODWATERS OF DR. Z

    4. “At this point the rocket becomes engorged with astronauts.” — ROCKETSHIP X-M

    5. “Sorry about my face.” — EEGAH!

    Bonus: “You look neat.” — KING DINOSAUR


  13. Comfort Fulton says:

    I guess I will add to the madness.

    “I’m taking peanut butter and underwear and that’s all I need!” I Accuse My Parents

    “SuperSkull gonna jump out and bite me??” Brain That Couldn’t Die

    “Everybody goes to the place.” “You know, when they gotta go.” Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (pretty much any Peter Lorre impression from Mike and the Bots)

    “Boy, am I from Florida!” Devil Fish

    And the riff that made my mom and I fans: “Whole lotta throw up today.” I Was a Teenage Werewolf


  14. Sitting Duck says:

    Some of my favorite riffs from the shorts:

    1. Stupid trees! Gawd, I hate ’em. (The Truck Farmer)

    2. “Judging cakes should be fun.”
    But this woman sucks the joy out of it. (A Day at the Fair)

    3. I envision a cheating wing (Cheating)

    4. What’s the rush? There’s three hours of zoning stuff first. (Juvenile Delinquency)

    5. What the hell was that about? (Once Upon a Honeymoon)


  15. Steve says:

    Five’s tough so I’ll three that come to mind immediately:

    “Look, Look, Look at my crotch!!”

    (On Linda Evans in Mitchell) “Well you knew she’d smell like beer eventually…”

    “Duck news with Hugh McQuackin…”


  16. Huggybear says:

    So many great riffs, so little time……..

    Short listing no particular order:

    1. “Like the lamp wants you too…” Thing that Couldn’t Die.

    2. “If I could just fart!” Werewolf.

    3. “I love tick infested hounds, slaughtering a deer, and beer.” Giant Spider Invasion.

    4. “Do farts have lumps?” Horror of Party Beach.

    5. “She really was on top of old smokey.” The Clonus Horror.


  17. John says:

    1. “No…not there…wait….um….ok, just stop” (Space Mutiny)

    2. “Marge got a thrill when she mailed her application”…followed by insane cackling from Crow (The Home Economics Story)

    3. “Captain Manakata…I understand you’re stuffed with cheese” (Prince of Space)

    4. “Quick everyone, look Polish” (Horror of Party Beach)



  18. Ian L. says:

    Well if we’re including The Movie, my top five quotes from that movie:

    -“Well, there you have it.” “A letter opener.”

    -(a shack is shown from above) “Green Acres!”

    -(Meacham in the plane) “I’m too low.” “I got the blues so bad, uh-huh.”

    -(random guy walking by) “Heil Hitler!”

    -(as the spaceship flies through space) “They’re going 65, so they’ll be there in 3 BILLION years.”


  19. ghlbtsk says:

    1. DO SOMETHING!!!!! – (The Screaming Skull)
    2. “But at the risk of sounding nuts . . .”
    Crow: “I’ve replaced my toes with grapes!” – (Werewolf)
    3. Did I say voice? I meant doorknob. – (Devil Fish)
    4. Make-A-Face. Design your own face! – (Danger!! Death Ray)
    5. Can I borrow a cup of shirt? – (Boggy Creek II)


  20. Pamela says:

    What a great thread.

    — “Whoops — sorry, Dad.” (“Johnny at the Fair”)

    — “Watch this: HEY, FRANK!” (“Beginning of the End”)

    — “Normal view / normal view / normal view / normal viewww!”) (“This Island Earth”)

    — “Yer goin’ out with me, varmint!” (“The Head That Wouldn’t Die”)

    — (Melissa: “Is that your car?”) “Do you mind if I skip rocks across it?” (“The Touch of Satan”)


  21. -“So drink rum CONSTANTLY” (Progress Island USA)
    -“My boyfriend NEVER rents me ANYTHING without AT LEAST a single X rating” (Hobgoblins)
    -“Habitat AGAINST Humanity” (Robot Rumpus)


  22. Leave Crow T. Robert Denby Alone says:

    Another round…

    5. “This clock doesn’t work!” -Atomic Brain
    4. “There’s a lion! He’s got these women scared stiff!” -Beginning of the End
    3. “My memory had cheesecloth on it by this time.” -Boggy Creek II
    2. “He’s a little coked up, right now.” -Racket Girls
    1. (Junkie girl) “You gotta help me out, man!” (Tom) “I just don’t get this algebra!” -Sidehackers


  23. Yipe Striper says:

    I’m gonna have to split mine up… i’ll start with:
    1. They met discussing hair oil- they’ve been friends ever since! — giant spider invasion.


  24. Yipe Striper says:

    2. he had to get every last drop of love out of her. — Secret Agent SuperDragon


  25. Yipe Striper says:

    3. Do farts have lumps? — Horror at party beach
    4. They were boogers. — The dead talk back
    5. If the name says ‘Corman’, there’s gonna be walkin’. — Night of the blood sausage -er, uh, beast.


  26. ServoTron3000 says:

    Lots of great ones so I’ll just add my personal favorite:

    Martin Balsam: How do you take your scotch Mitchell?

    Joel: By the quart.


  27. klisch says:

    Mom, I’m dating a negro.—Date With Your Family

    I’m Batman.——Time Chasers

    Hey, read between the lines.——Laserblast

    He has the power to rear project major cities.——Puma Man

    Good? He’s the best.——-Pod People


  28. codename zirconium head says:

    you didn’t have to shoot him in the face , earl – teenage crime wave
    the sad thing is they’re all former prostitutes – future war
    you know, there was a time when roy thinnes’s agent returned his calls – codename diamond head
    luckily your mob ties will get you off this time, johnny – cheating
    mike’s whole turn as “mikey” from teenage strangler


  29. Manos Bride says:

    There’s so many, it’s hard to choose. But I can find five in Manos alone:

    1. You know, this isn’t Lysistrata. I like it, but it isn’t Lysistrata.
    2. And now the Manos women’s guild will re-enact the battle of Pearl Harbor.
    3. You two stay with the nice man. I’m gonna go find a Ramada.
    4. It’s Mary Kay-K-K.
    5. Next on ESPN: full contact nightgown wrestling.


  30. Matt_D. says:

    Introducing newer, faster seconds- Future War
    Big McLarge Huge-Space Mutiny
    When…you want…the flavor of bacon in a dip- Puma Man
    All the narrow/wide river riffs in Assignment Venezuela
    Cupcake! Get Twinkie the Kid and Fruitpie the Magician- Riding with Death


  31. NakedApe says:

    1. “Salad needs more butter, mother.” – A Date With Your Family

    2. “Two scoops of raisins, my ass.” – Being From Another Planet (I think)

    3. “I’m just gonna ask; IS THIS A JUNIPER BUSH?” – The Sinister Urge

    4. “Jerry Reed IS Polonius.” – Danger!! Death Ray

    5. “Surely this will cure him of his love of cinemas!” – OatMB

    Bonus: “PROJECTED MAN!!!”


  32. 5. “I gotta take a big indestructible whiz!” –Tom Servo, The Indestructible Man

    4. “You’ve beat the stuffing out of three preppies and given away the girl, but before the day is through you’ll take enough drugs to kill a horse — now, it’s Miller Time!” –Joel Robinson, Wild Rebels

    3. “Pad, pad, pad the film! Pad, pad, pad the film! Pad, pad, pad, pad, pad, pad, pad, pad, pad, pad, pad the film!” –Joel & the Bots, Fire Maidens Of Outer Space

    2. “Honey, my face is as big as ever, and someone shot my sizzler off!” –Crow, The Brute Man

    1. “These chickens were smoking in bed!” –Mike Nelson, Chicken Of Tomorrow

    …and, a few honorable mentions, because there’s just so many that a Top Five can’t hold them all:

    “Congratulations! You’re one second into the film!” –Joel Robinson, General Hospital pt.2

    “Hey, Mister, get those hands of fate at ten o’clock and two o’clock, now!” –Joel Robinson, Manos: The Hands Of Fate

    “Sausage!” –Mike Nelson, Out Of This World


  33. Oh, and even though it’s a bit late for the Top Five, I still have to include this:

    “Imma’ gon’ do Leveetown!”
    –Mike Nelson, RiffTrax Plan 9 From Outer Space


  34. Devastation Bob says:

    1.) “Just a few dozen more,” – Dong(?) Cave Dwellers
    2.) “It’s the New Zoo Reviewwww” Grandpa, Teenagers from Outer Space
    3.) “You see, we had to surrender to the Germans, they were very mean.” Guy with Beret, Horror of Party Beach

    4.) “My-my-my-my GODDDDDD” Gang singing along with Hoyt in Mitchell
    5.) “Rowsdower, will you put out my head?” Kid, Final Sacrifice


  35. Bob Gardner says:

    “There’s your problem, you’re dead!” -beast of Yucca flats


  36. In no particular order

    1) The problem with speaking with the departed. Servo: Is that they’re dead.- Ep. 603: The Dead Talk Back
    2) Lucky guy; he’s about to find out I’m Ben Murphy.- Ep. 814: Riding With Death
    3)Both Joe Don Baker Song riffs (i’m cheating).- Ep. 512: Mitchell; Ep. 1008: Final Justice
    4) Mom, Dad! I won the ‘Get the crap kicked out of me’ contest!- Ep. 507: I Accuse My Parents
    5) Alright; Everybody look alive!-oh sorry Susan.- Ep. 820: Space Mutiny


  37. Grifftrain says:

    No list from me as I’ve already read my favorites, but I have to say a huge Thank You to everyone who put in a list. I’m here by myself, laughing out loud. Recalling these quotes are great. You guys made my day!


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