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Weekend Discussion Thread: Your Top 5 Riffs of All TimeI know, there are thousands of brilliant riffs, but let’s hear your five all-time favorites, the ones that made you fall off the couch.
Here’s mine: 1. “Nipple, nipple, tweak, tweak, fly! fly! fly!” — The Corpse Vanishes 2. “Its Gloria Estefan and the Catalina Deus Ex Sound Machina!” (One of the greatest riffs ever, that’s FIVE JOKES IN 10 WORDS!) — Catalina Caper 3. “Gomez! I’ve invented the wheel!!” — Cave Dwellers 4. “Get back in your little boat, Grandpa!” –The Deadly Mantis 5. “Okay, stop. Everyone go up a shirt size.” — Werewolf Let’s hear yours! Give both the riff and the episode it came from. 137 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Your Top 5 Riffs of All Time”Commenting at Satellite News
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Off the top of my head:
5. “Baggo en carro!” – Assignment Venezuela
4. “I’m back!” – Girl in Gold Boots
3. “Father feigns eating, draws Junior out, and disowns him!” – A Date With Your Family
2. “Grrrrr! GGGRRRRRR!!!!” – That short with the cars and kitchens of tomorrow
1. “Boy, I hope that’s not his mortal weakness!” – Hercules
Just one more.
The incredibly long and brilliant crowd scene riff from “Warrior of the Lost World”. It always blows me away. One of Kevin’s finest moments.
*Think of all the possibilities of time travel.
“We can send Bob Saget to meet Charlemagne.”–Time Chasers
*upon seeing ugly stepsister:
“This is what you get when you take beauty advice from Andrea Dworkin.”–Jack Frost
*Crenshaw:
“Man, Kent Hrbek’s really let himself go.”–Boggy Creek II
“Tonight, on Old Lady Gets Killed!”–Merlin’s Shop
“Ya know, there are certain flaws with this movie.”–Manos (perfect)
“I gotta really old Johnson back here. And the engine’s in rough shape too. Thank you!” “An instant classic, Mike” (Terror from the Year 5000)
“I always wanted a lot of money” “But I settled for looks” (Red Zone Cuba)
“I put peanuts in it” “I sure hope he said ‘peanuts'” (Touch of Satan)
“I have to simplify my masturbation ritual” (Blood Waters of Dr. Z)
“I had to snap him in half like a frozen dog to get him out of the capsule” (Night of the Blood Beast)
(Ask me on another day, and I’d probably come up with 5 completely different ones, but these were the first I thought of today.)
1. Anytime someone (usually Tom) says “Hey I’m In Here”, in response to a knock on the door. Or in the case of “Zombie Nightmare”, the coffin.
2. “Renee, who’s she?” (Creeping Terror)
3. “Get the Belt” (Hamlet)
4. “Grandpa, no” (Sword & the Dragon)
5. “Put the top up, put the top up!” (Space Mutiny)
More:
“Chinese fire drill.” – Red Zone Cuba
“Is this the one they call Tim?” – Boggy Creek II
“I’m stuck to my chair.” – Leech Woman
1. “Poul, you is a wurr-wilf.”
2. “Bob Johnson!… oh wait.”
3. “We’ll be reaching speeds of three!”
4. “He tried to kill me with a forklift!”
5. “Any fruit to declare?!”
Hard to narrow it down to just five, but here goes…
These are the ones that I think about and/or quote often:
#321: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians –
– – Servo: “What’s in the pipe, Santa?”
#407: The Killer Shrews (short: Junior Rodeo Daredevils) –
– – Crow: “Now, it’s garbage.”
#506: Eegah –
– – Joel: “Sorry about the face!”
– – and of course, Servo: “Watch out for Snakes!”
#509: Girl in Lovers’ Lane –
– – Crow: “Get outta the road, ya driftersssss!”
#609: The Sky Divers (short: Why Study Industrial Arts?) –
– – Mike: “I’m making this for the Grand Wizard.”
-hmm,
guess that’s actually six. Oh well…
I could probably do a dozen more.
1. “Otherwise I won’t continue to not have your children.” Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders
2. “He maintains an appliance. BA DA DU DAAAAA!!” Agent for H.A.R.M.
3. “(In Australian accent)She’s got an armadillo down her trousers.” Space Mutiny
4. “Tee hee. Tee hee.” The Final Sacrifice.
5. “Ladies and Gentlemen, Fred Burroghs!” Future War
1. “I hates legends.” (THE FINAL SACRIFICE)
2. “Want a piece of milk?” (THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION)
3. “It’s the sound of the director giving up and leaving.” (WEREWOLF)
4. “Thrill as the police… forget something.” (LASERBLAST)
5. “Are you poor? Ooh.” (THE PUMAMAN)
I couldn’t narrow it down to just five, so I narrowed it down to just one:
from the unforgettable Party Scene in “Werewolf” –
Him: I’m a … writer; I’m actually working on something now.
Her: Really! What’s the subject matter?
TOM: You’re right, the subject doesn’t matter at all.
#1: “Well, that could have gone better”. I at least think this whenever I read a newspaper or a history book.
#2: “The good ones always die first.”
“Most people being morally ambiguous tends to account for the largely random pattern of death.” Gotta love those logic/philosophy jokes. Which brings me to…
#3: “It’s hard to get someone out of the sight of an omnipresent being”
#4: From Soultaker, “If they are taken now they would be lost forever.”
“From who? Where? Why? And is that good or bad?”
#5: Pending on when I think of it
What a great topic. I’m with the many folks who have already said that it’s an impossible task – one that would change on any given day. So, here are the first 5 classics I can think of that always make me laugh:
5. “Am I a sweat hog now, Mr. Kotter?” – Mike (High School Bigshot)
4. “Who are they?!? Where are we?!? Can we get some kind of perspective here – please?!?!?” – Joel seconds after calming the bots down, (The Lost Continent)
3.
Merlin: “Remember to believe in magic….”
Crow: “Or I’ll kill you.”
(Merlin’s Mystical Shop of Wonders)
2.
Lee Van Cleef: “There was something about the tranquility…”
Joel: “The tranquility of post-war Japan?”
(Master Ninja I)
1.
Hoyt: “My, my, my, my Mitchell…”
Crow: “My, my, my, my God!!!!!!”
(Mitchell)
Sorry, had to add one more:
“I’m thinking of having this tattooed on my face, dearest.” – Joel (Manos)
1-“What’s the point of a helmet in skydiving, in case you land on your head?” Skydivers
2-“Every time I meet a man he’s either gay or a bear.”-Jack Frost
3-“Well, no sense going back three feet to get it!”-Viking Women and the Sea Serpent
4-“Camera 3 get off the track!”-The Girls in Lovers Lane
5-“So big deal, my stools float.”-The Dead Talk Bak
Hmm…..
1. “The first color movie that needs to be colorized!” – Castle Of Fu Manchu
2. “These, are things. They exist.” – Future War
3. “Pfft! This is obviously Switzerland!” – Blood Waters Of Dr. Z
4. “Starring this Muslim woman!” – Diabolik
5. “Have you been hitting the Thigh Master, Torgo?” – Manos: The Hands Of Fate
Honorable mentions:
“You know, there was no such thing as chronic depression before this movie existed.” -Beast Of Yucca Flats
“Normal view! Normal view! Normal view!!! Norm al VIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” -This Island Earth
Five more—shoot, we could probably do a weekend thread on Five Favorite Riffs from [Movie X] and be set for a few years:
“So, do you work at a petting zoo?” — Mitchell
“For depressing phone sex, dial 1-900-ALFALFA!” — Cheating
“And then KISS came to town!” — Progress Island
“All hail to Ra the sun god!” — Horror Of Party Beach
“And by the way, I hates that rabbit.” — The Final Sacrifice
#5 – “Hyuk Hyuk! Let the nightmare begin!” ‘Here Comes The Circus’
#4 – “This is proof of of an outer space presence in our history”
Tom: “She said that about waffles.” ‘Pumaman’
#3 – Crow: “Jim Henson!”
Tom: “Hi ho! *blam!* “Ooh!” ‘Angel’s Revenge’
#2 – Mike: (While looking at stock footage of missiles) “Lets face it. This is the only thing mankind has ever done well” ‘Invasion Of The Neptune Men’
#1 – Tom: “ENNNNND! ENNNND!” ‘Wild World Of Batwoman’
Frank Chapman to his navigator, “are you sure about those readings?”
Navigator, “Yes, why?”
Mike, “we’re underwater”
Phantom Planet.
More:
1. “You must abide by the rules of time and space.” Yeah, and what were those again? – Soultaker
2. “PROJECTED MAN!!!! YAAAAY!!!” – Projected Man
3. “Ivan Lendl lookalike contest?” – Hobgoblins
4. “I wish my face could be tighter.” – Werewolf
5. “How y’all doin’?!” – Space Mutiny
“Don’t ask, don’t tell, but have a darn good time” in The Deadly Mantis, commenting on the scene with the soldiers dancing together
There have been some great lists, so far. I will throw in my faves, too.
1. It’s just one big sunny, fun-filled Bataan Death March…(Catalina Caper)
2. Communism!!! (Violent Years)
3. He said the same thing about a parking ticket (Samson vs. the Vampire Women)
4. Wait. Aren’t you going to watch that wonderful Bert I. Gordon Film!!! (Earth Vs. THe Spider)
5. Fruit Brute!! (Werewolf)
Many of my favorite riffs come from the shorts. Here are 5 at random:
Narrator: John, what have you done?
Crow: Mother Teresa called. She hates you.
— Cheating
Sales Manger’s Father: Now don’t try to fool your old Dad. There’s something extra special worrying you, or I miss my guess.
Tom: You’ve killed again, haven’t you son.
— Hired!
Narrator: Brother seats Junior. Then, helps mother to her chair as he would his best girl.
Mike: The less said about this the better.
— A Date with Your Family
Louise: Wish I could make my mind up that easy. What are you going take, Jean?
Joel: I’m gonna take Bob for everything he’s worth.
— Home Economics
Man mumbling speech: Funny thing happened up there in the station. See I was sittin there waitin for the fellas…
Crow (in same voice): Uh, I was under the bleachers at the ball game and that’s when the cop chased me out and asked me what was I doin, pretty much.
— Speech, Using Your Voice
Not in any particular order…
1. “Should we be watching this?” – MST3K: The Movie (huge laugh in the theater I was in)
2. “It’s like having Joe Cocker as your bellhop.” – Manos
3. All the Petey the Plane stuff, but especially the other planes being introduced together – Skydivers
4. “A! A! A! A!…” – when the people all wearing A’s on their shirts showed up in…. I always forget which movie it was from, actually.
5. “Big McLargeHuge” – Space Mutiny (my favorite of the names)
1) These two girls… they make quite a pair… They will come from your worst nightmare… They will haunt your souls forever… and now when you see pink… your gonna think “we’re doomed’!… They… are agents of Satan…
-Circus on Ice
2) Let us rejoice for he is a dickweed!
-(I don’t remember movie name. I’m sure it had no influence on anyone anyway)
3) “In the morning she’ll be as good as new”. (Joel)”Yeah, that’s what fixes a crushed spine”
-Pod People
Your breakfast is getting cold and she’s not getting any warmer . . . More oatmeal for everyone. – Pod People
He died as he lived . . loving his work. – Mighty Jack
A preteen is put to work, her beauty will soon fade. – Truck Farmer short
God is dead? GOOD! – The Brute Man
Ophelia, Sam Wainwright’s on the phone. – Hamlet
There’s some really good ones up there… the “Douglas was short” bit from “Monster a Go Go” is a real killer. These are ones that always make me laugh hard no matter how many times I see them:
Master Ninja I – “Actually, dear, you’re on MY two feet!”
Beatniks – “He kinds of reminds me of a singing weatherman.”
The Starfighters – “Yeah, there’s plenty of girls around here…” “Well that’s great sir, ’cause I…” “SHUT UP!!!”
Incredible Melting Man – “They shrunk me and I’m trapped on this huge log!”
Agent For H.A.R.M. – “Therefore, I will now expound upon the basic premise at length.”
“2 Plaids? I’m a naked robot and even I know that’s a fashion no-no” Time Chasers
“Luxury Hotels”-“Are desperately needed” Progress Island
“Makers of fine knights, crosses, and falcons” Final Justice
“Beyond the jeweled cities of Arabia”-“Lies the city of Minneapolis” Magic Voyage of Sinbad
“Sting, Debby Reynolds, and God” Space Mutiny
1. “Look,look, look at my crotch!” (Home Economics Story)
2. “…And if your hands were metal, that would mean something” (The Movie)
3. “There are ways, many ways, lots of ways….WAYS” (Brain that Wouldn’t Die)
4. “What crunched?” (Hobgoblins)
5. When there was no riff, just laughter, when they first saw grandma-daughter in Space Mutiny
This’ll take awhile… hmm….
#1: “There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics…” “Oops.” – Monster A-Go Go
#2: “Douglas was pear-shaped, very short, and stood the whole way.” Also, from Monster A-Go Go
#3: “Mitchell, would you move over, please? (pause) THE OTHER WAY!!!!” – Mitchell
#4: “Oh… I always thought Raul Julia was Puerto Rican, I didn’t know he was CUBE-AN!” – Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
#5: “Hi, I’m Satan! Enjoy the film!” – Jungle Goddess
1) “He died as he lived: With his mouth wide open.”
– Pod People
2) “Dr Logan, puzzled by the lab findings…”
“…Blew up.”
– Monster A Go-Go
3) (Stock footage of frustrated horny toads)
“…WHAT? Can I HELP you?
– Eegah
4) (Mr. B makes instruments appear)
“….MOMMMM!!!!”
– Mr. B Natural
5) Rambling speaker: “Well, we were, uh, traveling for six days in the, er, uh…”
“…Panties!”
– Speech: Using Your Voice
Honorable mention:
(Cesar Romero dances with date)
“Oh yeah, give to Cesar what is Cesar’s…”
– Lost Continent
1 – 5) That’s a great stew. What’s in it? A whole lot of things – rattlesnake, Velveeta, chicken, corn, green peppers, chili, onions, hair. – Track of the Moon Beast
I’m sure I’ll keep thinking of additional lines after I post, but here are five from some of my favorite shorts/episodes via free association.
Crow: “He can’t keep carrying that stuff out.” (Pod People)
Joel: “We have a title.” (I Accuse My Parents)
Crow: “And then KISS came to town!” (Progress Island USA)
Crow: “That means I like you.” (Time Chasers)
Servo: “Another?” (Werewolf)
1) *honk honk* “Way to go Steeeeeve!” – Manos
2) “My oft-complimented Peterbilt is rhythmically nudging that sweet honeypot of yours.” – Riding with Death
3) “How much O’Keefe is IN this movie?” – Cah-Vey Dwellers
4) “Clown suit by Bargain Clown of Hollywood.” – Design for Dreaming
5) “It’s a giant spider invasion of savings at Menards!” – The Giant Spider Invasion
@ #75: It was from The Day the Earth Froze (from when our Designated Hero came back without the sampo) and actually went, “Let us be gay, for he is a dickweed.”
Hmmmm….
I think we all know what episodes these are from:
-“Deeeep hurting! DEEEEP HUUUURRRRRTING!!!”
-“I like it very much!”
-“Rock Climbing everyone.”
-“Punch Rockgroin!”
-“If only I could get a ride in one of those!”
Don C.
Gosh, so hard to do just five but these come to mind first on this particular day anyway.
Cheating – Mother Teresa called, she hates you.
The Amazing Colossal Man – No man is a Three Mile Island, Glen.
Space Travelers – We suggest you all start breathing in shifts
The Beatniks – Congratulations! You’re one second into the film!
San Francisco International –
See all of those people down there, Davey? They’re getting divorced because of you
“I’m not going back Jim !” from Touch of Satan
“Save the meatloaf! ” from Future War
Pod People: After Trumpy causes the toy robot to spark up: “Carbon scoring on my droid”.
Deathstalker: During the badly edited, badly performed sword fight: “You clever bastard, so the editor’s working with you!”.
Samson vs. the Vampire Women: As our ‘hero’ walks away from burning the vampires to death: “Hi honey! Gee, it’s great to be back at the castle. Hope your sister’s dress-up Halloween slumber party went we- Oh my God!”
Indestructible Man: Police Lt. Chasen, wonders who could possibly believe a dead man could come back to life: “Only millions of Christians.”
Hercules Against the Moon Men: “I’m a chocolate bar! Break off bits of me and enjoy me all day!”
Of course I can’t just keep it to five. So after 24 hours of consideration, I’d also like to add:
1. “Special effects by Billy!” – Danger! Death Ray
2. [“I’ll blow her brains OUT”] “All over THE boat!” – Final Justice
3. “Who am I kidding, I never went to Castleton.” – Time Chasers
4. Every time they quack whenever a character opens the door to Kitty’s apartment in I Accuse My Parents
5. …and not really a riff per se, but: [“I saw the little creature”] followed by sounds of shock and disgust. – Boggy Creek II
And from “The Giant Spider Invasion”
Mike: “I love tick invested hounds, slaughterin’ deer and beer.”
Stop hittin’ the booze and you won’t see ’em.”
Mike” “Well, in all fairness that would mean seeing him sober.”
And of course: “PACKERS!”
Oh, it’s so hard to choose just five! Here are (some of) my favorites:
— Yuri: Did you just call me a psychopath?
Crow: I’ll KILL YOUR WHOLE FAMILY if you call me that again!
-Werewolf
— (Mooney shrieks crazily)
Servo: He went through puberty all of a sudden!
-The Beatniks
— Tony: Is this where you sleep?
Servo: Or did you strangle a pig here?
-Puma Man
— Servo (as Billy): No, Grandpa Borgnine! Leave hope and light for me, please!!
Crow: (as the Grandpa) Get out from under that cushion, Billy! It gets worse!
-Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders (All of the Borgnine-telling-the-scary-story riffs absolutely slay me.)
— Crow: (as Crenshaw) Oh dear, I’m immodest. Tee hee.
-Boggy Creek 2
And the riff from my first MST3K experience that made me a fan forever:
— Joe: You know what my kids would say…
Servo: YOU’RE NOT MY REAL FATHER!
-This Island Earth (The Movie)
“they’re calling insane hogs?” – Boggy Creek II
In no particular order-
Do the Japanese practice Just in Time railroad repair?- Invasion of the Neptune Men
Apparently the guy upstairs has a really bad case of urethritis- The Final Sacrifice
Hey, keep me moist. I should be in water!- Teenagers From Outer Space
Something’s much bigger then she expected. The Amazing Colossal Man
There’s that powerful gesture again- The Giant Gila Monster
Projected Man:
Inspector: Can I get on?
Servo: [as Dr. Mitchel] Well, he’s dead, but knock yourself out.
Red Zone Cuba:
Joe: …and I want to give you some idea of what to expect.
Mike [as Joe]: There’s 80,000 of them, and seven of us.
Joe: At 12 o’clock midnight, we hit the beach. At 12:30 a patrol boat makes its nightly run. We have 30 minutes to scale 80 foot cliffs and clear the beach.
Servo [as Joe]: Ted, you take Havana.
The Skydivers:
Suzy: Well, Frankie, are you chicken?
Mike [as Frankie]: Uh, let me see… am I a chicken? Well I don’t have a comb, or a gizzard, but sometimes I do ingest gravel to grind my food and my—uh…
Gamera vs. Guiron:
Tom: The space aliens did it, they’re cannibals!
Joel: They ate my hair?
Lost Continent:
Crow: I never knew Mountain Time was so slow!
A short bonus riff:
PACKERS!!!
“Weeee! We’re getting poison sumac! Weeeeeeeeee!” — Time Chasers
“I reproduced asexually while I was out sir!” — Girl in Gold Boots
Phantom of Krankor (referring to the giant space monster): “He obeys my slightest command!”
Crow: “Like, wander around aimlessly and gain weight!” –Prince of Space
“Well, at least we paddlin’ in the same direction now!” — Attack of the Giant Leeches
“Douglass was pear-shaped, very short, and stood the whole way.” — Monster A Go-Go
“The Deadly Bees”
The farmer’s wife asks, “Have you seen the dog’s meat?”
Mike and the ‘Bots are just too flummoxed to properly respond.
Sincerely,
Bill
Two more:
“Am I thinking that or hearing that?” – Escape 2000
“Smurf urine.” – Riding With Death
After Bela tells Professor Strowski his plan to create a rice of pipplle…
Strowski, aghast: “Vornoff, are you mad?!”
Joel, in his best Lugosi: “Vhat the hell do YOU think?”