My topic suggestion concerns tack-on riffs. By this I mean riffs where the riffer adds on something to what a person in the movie just said. For example, my favorite occurs in the “A Day at the Fair” short, from Code Name: Diamond Head. During the cake judging, the narrator states, “Judging cakes ought to be fun.” Servo then adds, “…but this woman sucks the joy out of it.”
This works especially well with narration. The first one that comes to mind is from “A Date with Your Family.” Narrator: “The women of this family seem to feel they owe it to the men of the family to look relaxed, rested and attractive at dinner time.” Mike: “…so they’re unsuspecting when they KILL THEM!”
What’s your pick?
Keep those topics coming!
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From Touch of Satan: (paraphrase)
Jody: “I don’t believe in this devil of yours”
Mike: “I learned that in Community College”
Touch of Satan:
Jody: “Melissa…” [PAUSE]
Crow: “Crossroads seem to come and go.”
Huh, I’d never thought of “tack-on riffs” before!
My choice would be from Monster-a-Go-Go:
Narrator: “There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics.”
Servo: “Oops!”
One simple word that couldn’t have been more perfect.
Mr.B
Mr. B: ‘Respect your horn boy…’
Crow: and wash it every day!’
In Red Zone Cuba:
[Cook, in prison, calling for water]: “Guard!”
[Mike]: “It’s me, Margaret.”
Attack of the Giant Leeches:
Hillbilly: “Right over there in them reeds.”
Joel: “Is where my Daddy met my Pappy.”
The Truck Farmer short:
Narrator: “Carrots are packed with chipped ice to insure freshness.”
Joel: “High energy prop comic Carrot Top is also packed in ice.”
Time Chasers:
Bob Evel” “I’ll leave some men for security. But it’s just a precaution.”
Mike: “Bwaaaaa!”…..
Bob Evel: “Transport is a national security risk and, well,
all new technologies at first. Am I making myself clear on this?
Crow: “Yeah. You’re evil and that’s okay.”
Warrior of the Lost World
Einstein: “Kiss the girl!”
Joel: “Make her cry.”
Still love the back and forth between the Brains and the narrator in “Progress Island,” the Puerto Rico travelogue aired with “Beast of Yucca Flats.”
Narrator: Bilingual schools!
Mike: Bisexual students!
Narrator: Modern hospitals!
Servo: Are Not Here!
Narrator: Luxury hotels!
Crow: Are desperately needed!
Narrator: Progress can be seen everywhere!
Mike: In places other than this!
Classic.
From Werewolf, there are two that stick out in my mind:
Natalie: So it all comes to this?
Tom Servo: The thing that it comes to?
Natalie: You and Noel is in it for fame and fortune?
Crow: Yes, we is.
Noel: They can tell when a man is yanaglonchi. He takes on a series of strange body habits.
Crow: Wears toast in his pants.
Noel: Like sleeping like a coyote, nose to anus.
Servo: What? It’s fun!
The series of these riffs that they do in the Puerto Rico short, “Progress Island, USA” is the most memorable that comes to mind. They do tons of them, but I agree with Sampo in the episode guide, it’s not too many.
“An American democracy…” –“Would be really great.”
“Modern hospitals…” –“Are not here.”
“Luxury hotels…” –“Are desperately needed.”
“Championship golf courses, the finest to be found…” –“Are in Florida.”
“Puerto Rico is indeed a vacation paradise…” –“Abundant with pink and white people.”
“Puerto Rico and the United States, a partnership for progress…” –“Whether you like it or not.”
‘I Accuse my Parents’
Jimmy: ‘Mom! Dad!…
Joel: ‘I just won the get the crap kicked out of me contest!’
From Werewolf:
Natalie: “Thiz iz absolootely fazzinating.”
Crow: “Right?”
Jack Frost:
Stepmom: “No, not like a princess – you look… like a QUEEN!”
Mike: “In that you look like Freddie Mercury.”
Hellcats:
Junkie girl: “You gotta help me out, man!”
Tom: “I just don’t get this algebra!”
I’m with AFFA on the Puerto Rico short too, but for me, it’s the cap-offs to the music cues: “Progress!” “Gambling!” “A century ago!”
Deadly Bees
“I’ve been making…”
“This movie really hard to watch”
Progress Island
“He took me out to the middle of the river…”
“And shot me in the back of the head.”
Revenge of the Creature
“Maybe we should…”
“Finish our sentences?”
Screaming Skull
“It wasn’t a normal school…”
“It was staffed by clowns.”
“This may sound selfish…”
“But I want everything for me.”
Master Ninja I
“This may sound crazy…”
“But I like to eat light bulbs.”
This is a favorite kind of riff of mine. One I like to use when riffing at home.
From INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN:
Daughter (in conservative cloths): “You’re going to be sick, that cold seems worse.”
Mike: “I must put on something decent!”
Guy looking at clock: “What?!, the clock’s running back…wards!”
Tom: “That means lunch won’t be until yesterday.”
Tabana: “The Band was caught in America?”
Tom: “At Big Pink?”
Slightly off topic:
Here’s one for “SOMEBODY OBSERVING…” (Looking out the window or reacting to something they’re seeing:
‘Neptune Man with Record On Head looks out Porthole…
Crow:”What the hell are they doing out there?!?”
From THE DEAD TALK BACK:
“Lieutenant…” — “Kiss me, hard.”
This is an excellent topic, and I will be wracking my brain trying to remember lines all day long!
Another one, from HORROR OF PARTY BEACH:
Lead singer of the Del-Aires: “Love me forever…” — “Or I’ll kill you.” :-)
What To Do on a Date –
Narrator: “Yes, it was a good idea to come here.”
J&TB: “AT FIRST.”
Who can forget the additional ingredients in Johnny Longbone’s delicious stew (Track of the Moonbeast)…
Servo: Rattlesnake, Velveeta…
Mike: Hair…
Assignment: Venezuela
Jim (the narrator): “The first thing I noticed on that trip…” (film splice)
Mike: “…was being sucked through a time warp.”
The Chicken of Tomorrow
Narrator: “But wait, you may say…”
Crow: “…why am I watching this?”
More from the Truck Farmer:
Narrator: “Here in southern Texas, we have an additional problem.”
Crow: “Texans!”
Most of the amazing tack-on riffs from Wurwilf have already been mentioned, but I have throw in a personal favorite. It may just be reason why Bill’s Crow is my favorite version of the character.
Noel: “At the risk of sounding nuts–”
Crow: “–I’ve replaced my toes with grapes.”
I think some of the old b&w shorts had the best “finish the sentence.” Another one from “The Truck Farmer”:
Narrator: “In recent decades, truck farming has become big business…”
Joel: “…but not for these people.” [the field hands]
Two great ones from “Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell”:
“Forgive me, I’m…”
“…Unappealing!”
“Just because a man’s a little…”
“…Teapot?”
And one of my all-time favorites, from “The Touch of Satan”:
“You really believe there’s some…”
“…Bologna left?”
The absolute best tack-on riff ever is definitely in Hired part II (Electric Boogaloo):
“Why, I remember the first thing Harry drilled into me –”
Crow: “was Harry!”
Wait, I have to chime in again. Second cup of coffee activated. In “Secret Agent Super Dragon,” the leader of the evil committee of, um, evil-doers, says, “A little town…” but it sounds like, “Oh little town…” so of course Joel & the ‘bots add loudly, “… OF BETHLEHEM!!”
From “The Home Economics Story” short:
Teacher: “I’d like to tell you about several girls I know very well…”
Servo: “…and why I’m being fired.”
From “The Crawling Hand”:
Skipper: “Paul?”
Joel: “John? George? Ringo? Oh, who am I kidding, they’ll never get back together.”
From Santa Claus:
Narrator: “The children of America…”
Crow: “… Are too spoiled and lazy to help Santa.”
Short: Keeping Clean and Neat
Narrator: Never go to bed with wet hair.
Crow: Or a first date.
I always liked it when they’d do a tack-on to their own riff, as in Future War: “He studied under Lee Strasberg
…’s car.”
From “Prince of Space”:
Krankor: “You!”
Servo: “Bite me!”
Krankor: “Each and every one of you!”
Servo: “Bite me!”
It was a rainy day…AND HE SHOT HER!
From CIRCUS ON ICE:
Narrator: “All the beauty and pageantry of a Broadway show…”
Servo: “…Is missing…”
From memory:
Rocketship XM
Floyd: Did you ever park an open convertible on the cliffs overlooking the ocean…
Joel: and drive off laughing maniacally?
Hercules Unchained
Herc: I can’t remember anything…
Crow: except my scout number.
Day the Earth Froze
Narrator: The land they lived in was large and beautiful…
Servo: As were the women.
From ‘Circus On Ice’
Narrator – “Individual artistry is blended into beautiful choreography…”
Crow – “…on Broadway, but not here.”
Narrator – “Every circus has its acrobats…”
Tom – “…except this one.”
Narrator – “It all adds up to split second artistry…”
Tom – “…at the civic center, but not here.”
Narrator – “The syncopated rhythm of the dance…”
Crow – “…is not working tonight.”
Narrator – “All the color and pageantry of a stage review…”
Tom – “…is missing.”
From Master Ninja II (the second episode, I mean the second half of the movie):
David McCallum: I used to believe in causes …
Servo: … but now I only believe in effects.
One more from Werewolf;
Uri is drunk and obnoxious so Noel takes him outside and tells him to go take a walk. Uri, alone, growls out “Yeah I’ll take a walk…” and Crow tacks on “TO KIRK DOUGLAS’S HOUSE.”
Attack of the Giant Leeches
Woman: One night he tried to hold up a gas station…
Servo: but he wasn’t very strong and it fell on him.
Radar Secret Service
Guy 1: You know this may be the answer to our problem.
Guy 2: What is it?
Mike: A coupon for yams.
Boggy Creek
Dr. Batch: Tonya, I don’t wan’t to alarm anybody, but…
Mike: Ruuuuun!
Escape 2000
Henry Silva: I repeat:
Crow: my face is long.
The Beatniks
Eddy (singing): Call me wild…
Joel: Oscar Wilde.
Junior Rodeo Daredevils and Using Your Voice have too many to list.
I’ll ditto #27. Any of the large number of “finishing a sentence” riffs from that It’s-A-Small-World-esque scene in Santa Claus are very amusing to me.
@35 – From the same episode, I MEAN the same half of the movie…
Jennifer Runyon’s character: “Get lost Palin…”
Servo: “…tologist.”
from Phantom Planet:
Frank Chapman to navigator, “are you sure about those readings?”
navigator, “yes, why?”
Mike, “we’re under water.”
Rocket Attack USA:
– “To think that a group of men could sit around and plan the death of millions of people…”
Joel: “…That’s why we’ve GOT to CRUSH them!”
– “Sometimes when I’m in the closet and he’s out here, I just wanna come out there, and…”
Joel: “…Put you in the closet.”
Pod People:
Mom: “Tommy, can you hear me?”
Servo: “Can you feel me near you?”
@34- From ‘Circus On Ice’
(After the deer slaughter and the dragon slaughter)
Narrator: “And now the spotlight falls on a world of delicate loveliness…
Crow: “…And kills them!”
Eegah #20 wins! 1 word….”TEXAN’S”!!!
Cool topic! I’m sure there are dozens in the back of my mind, but here are a few…
MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE
Torgo: “Forgive me, madam, I meant no harm. I’ll protect you…”
Joel: “…cuz there are some real weird people around here.”
The Master: “Arise, my wives…”
Crow: “…and iron my work shirt!”
MST3K: THE MOVIE
Exeter: “Hope you slept well…”
Mike: “…cuz it’s time to die.”
LASERBLAST
Dr. Mellon: “Step over here, Billy…”
Mike: “…take off my clothes.”
The Home Economics Story
Narrator: “At the beginning of your junior year, things seem pretty much the same. But this is the year…”
Crow: “The National Guardsmen were on campus!”
From THE STARFIGHTERS:
“Did you know that flying a plane is like making love?”
“You have to pay for it?”
The riff that put MST3K on the radar for me in the first place:
Glen: I don’t want to grow anymore.
Joel: I’m a Toys “R” Us kid.
Glen: I don’t want to grow anymore!
Joel: I’m a Toys “R” Us kid!
GIRLS TOWN
Mary Lee: Remember the night you stood Chip up?
Servo: He died.
Mary Lee: He was real sore when he didn’t find ya.
Servo: And then he died.
Mary Lee: Then he asked me to go in your place.
Servo: And then I killed him and he died.
Mary Lee: You always kept saying I was too young to go any place, so I went.
Servo: And I killed him and he got all dead.
Mary Lee: It was fun at first when he kissed me.
Servo: He wasn’t dead then.
Mary Lee: But then he…
Servo: Died.
Mary Lee: He started…
Servo: Being killed by me.
Mary Lee: …To get too fresh and I ran away. Chip caught me and tried to throw me on the ground.
Servo: Right before he got dead
Mary Lee: And then…
Servo: He died.
Mary Lee: The rock slipped out from under his feet.
Servo: And he became killed.
Mary Lee: And he fell.
Servo: He died.
Werewolf:
YURI: “You callin’ ME a psychopath?!”
CROW: “I’ll kill your WHOLE FAMILY if you call me that again!”
Ha! This is a good topic. One that I instantly thought of is from THE GIRL IN LOVERS’ LANE:
In the beginning of the film, Danny is being chased by a pair of thugs and, in a genius move, he throws his wallet away, into an empty boxcar (that ends up not being empty, as Big Stupid finds the wallet). When the thugs catch up with Danny, this exchange happens:
thug: “I know this guy was carrying a fat roll…”
Crow (as thug): “And some bagels, too.”
:-D
Santa Claus and the short Progress Island have tons of them.
Santa Claus:
Narrator: Boys and girls from England.
Crow: …have rotten teeth.
Narrator: Japan also helps Santa.
Mike [as Narrator]: By investing in his toy corporation, they now own Santa lock, stock, and barrel.
Narrator: Talented children from the Orient.
Crow: …are not here today.
Narrator: The group from France.
Servo: …stinks to high heaven!
Narrator: The countries of Central America.
Mike: …are a threat to Santa’s vital security interests.
Narrator: The children of the USA.
Crow: …are too spoiled and lazy to help Santa. There, that makes it better.
Progress Island:
Narrator: A land the size of Rhode Island, it is just as American in its way of life.
Crow [as Narrator]: …So you might as well just stay where you are.
Narrator: Year-round sun makes this island a vacation paradise.
Crow: And very hard to sleep!
Narrator: For the visitor, Progress Island offers a tremendous variety of experiences, beginning with the rich and colorful heritage of the Caribbean.
Crow [as Narrator]: …which we buried in order to build skyscrapers.
Narrator: Condominiums, leisure villages, and a complete range of outdoor activities make Progress Island an ideal place to live for every member of the family.
Servo: Except Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Grandpa, Grandma…