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Weekend Discussion Thread: Cage Match!

Alert regular Timmy asks:

What MSTed movie characters would you like to see fight in a cage match (monsters must fight monsters). I would like to see Gamera vs. Godzilla (because it would be a cool movie crossover) and Mitchell fight Sheriff Geronimo (Joe Don Baker fighting himself, like Graham Chapman fighting himself).

I think I’d like to see Eddie “Froggy” Deezen up against Rod Lauren from “The Crawling Hand.” I see an epic slap fight.

What’s your pick?

90 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Cage Match!”

  1. Dan Cole says:

    Mike Pipper & Pile-on Pete vs. Santa Claus & Santa Claus in a tag team death match.
    Hair everywhere!


  2. Spade says:

    “In this corner, from the movie Tormented, we have… the disembodied floating head of Vi Mason!”

    “Tom Stewart killed me! Tom Stewart killed me!”

    “Yes, yes, we know, we know. And in this corner, from the movie The Crawling Hand, we have… the Crawling Hand!”

    *hand waves to the crowd*

    (No idea what a fight like this would actually look like, but wouldn’t you want to be there to find out?)


  3. MarcusVermilion says:

    CABOT! CABOT! CABOT! vs Ator.

    Speaking of “Outlaw” how about having Lara take Madam Estrella from “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies”. The insults alone would be great! Lara: “YOU DISGUSTING WORM!!!!” Estrella: YOU FEEELTHY PEEEG!!!!”

    John from the “Cheating” short vs. Marv from “High School Big Shot”. John will have Mary in his corner while Marv will have Betty in his corner. A VERY depressing cage match!


  4. Stoneman says:

    The Creeper vs. Eegah! Two giant and scary guys facing off in an extra large cage.

    Winky and Rocky vs. Troy and Rowsdower! Trained space rangers vs. an inebriated brawler and his scrappy small town buddy.

    A large, uninhabited island in the Pacific featuring a Rubber Suit Royale: Godzilla, Gamera, Barugon, Gaos, Guiron, Zigra, Gorgo, and Krankor’s guardian!

    Finally, Creature from the Black Lagoon vs. The Moon Beast, in a 4 quadrant game zone (river/jungle;
    desert; Boggy Creek swamp- where the “legend” can surprise attack!; and a suburban tract that provides transition features to the other zones).


  5. Spade says:

    A couple of undead-ish cage matches:

    1) Diana Love (aka Helene) from The Undead vs. Flight Lieutenant Lamont from Space Mutiny

    2) Tony Washington (Jon Mikl Thor) from Zombie Nightmare vs. Jerry (Ray Dennis Steckler) from The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies


  6. littleaimishboy says:

    Why must there always be violence???

    Instead, let’s settle in for some lip and tongue action as Valeria, minion of the Dokwon, engages Natalie, wurwilf activist, in debate.

    In case both competitors are deemed equally pleasing, the winner will be decided by Prof. E.C. Buehler, Director of Forensics, University of Kansas.


  7. Flying Saucers Over Oz says:

    How about the Robot Monster Vs. The Robot who fought The Aztec Mummy?

    Or Santa Claus Vs. Santa Claus?


  8. Spade says:

    Miles O’Keefe’s Ator from Cave Dwellers vs. Jon Mikl Thor’s (still-alive) Tony Washington from Zombie Nightmare. Long hair vs. long hair. Man-nipples vs. man-nipples. Sword vs. …uh, aluminum baseball bat. And, of course, lots of heavy metal music and hairspray sponsorships for the fight itself!


  9. underwoc says:

    Still want to see the Incredible Melting Man vs. Robot Monster’s Billion Bubble Machine, although maybe that’s not so much a cage match and more of an as-seen-on-TV infomercial.


  10. A Flat Minor, Mr. B's cousin says:

    Silver Morgan and the gang from ‘Girls’ Town’ vs the 4 girls from ‘The Violent Years’. My money is on Silver and crew since they got nuns and stuff!


  11. A Flat Minor, Mr. B's cousin says:

    Jan in a Pan vs. Vi! Sure it would be all heabutts but it would be like a trippy pinball game!


  12. OnenuttyTanuki says:

    Intro Match: Krankor’s Giant vs. The Giant Gila monster.

    2nd: Intro fight winner vs. the Orge from The Magic Sword

    3rd Match: Baba Yaga/ the Hunchback Fairy (Jack Frost) vs. Louhi ( The Day the Earth Froze), each’s henchmen/troll/dwarfs are allowed to throw random items into ring.

    Cage Match: Sinbad/Sadko,Lemminkäinen,Ivan, and Ilya to win the Troika Cup.

    Main Event: Lodac’s Dragon vs. Zuma the Fire Dragon


  13. SteveK says:

    Speaking of characters fighting, we never got to see a real confrontation between Beydool the beggar and the Lord Vultare in Quest of the Delta Knights.

    The shooting from a distance bit was just a cop-out. I want to see a real fight between those two. I mean, we never even see them go face-to-fa—OOOOoooooooooooh!


  14. Spade says:

    A fake mustache and sophisticated accent cage match: Zor from Cave Dwellers vs. Lord Vultare from Quest of the Delta Knights. Not much action in this one, mostly just posturing and quip-trading.

    Extraterrestrial cage match: Trumpy from Pod People vs. the Venusian from It Conquered The World.

    Dr. Tom Anderson from It Conquered The World (Lee Van Cleef) vs. John Peter McCallister from Master Ninja I & II (Lee Van Cleef).

    And then two special features:

    1) First, a special sheriff vs. sheriff cage match – Sheriff Townsend from The Crawling Hand (Alan Hale, Jr.) vs. the Sheriff from The Giant Spider Invasion (Alan Hale, Jr.). With Manny from Angels Revenge (Alan Hale, Jr.) as special guest referee.

    2) And then the grand finale: Vera from Swamp Diamonds (Beverly Garland) vs. Marshal Rose Hood from Gunslinger (Beverly Garland). With Claire Anderson from It Conquered The World (Beverly Garland) as special guest referee.


  15. Spade says:

    One more for the road: Women’s World Champion Clara Mortensen vs. Mexico Women’s Champion Rita Martinez! They’re both from the movie Racket Girls and… oh wait.


  16. Gobi says:

    Ben Murphy’s character from Riding with Death vs. The Amazing Transparent Man!

    See the….., um. Watch as…., uh,…Maybe this wouldn’t have much audience appeal.


  17. Spade says:

    @ 61 – Brilliant! And after that, the hand from the Crawling Hand (actually more of an arm) vs. the severed sea monster arm from Horror of Party Beach. (“And NO SODIUM allowed – I’m looking at you, Crawling Hand!”)

    @ 66 – LOL! “Sounded like an awesome fight, I wish I could have seen it!”


  18. underwoc says:

    Any given Bellurian vs. any given Batgirl, cause, well, you know…


  19. goalieboy82 says:

    i think this must be the fastest number of post we ever had here by time .
    anyway, here’s are a few:
    The Nanites vs Coily.
    Professor Bobo vs Brain Guy (because we all know it is going to happen)
    The Cast of Superdome vs SST: Death Flight.


  20. robot rump! says:

    A Flat Minor, Mr. B’s cousin:
    Silver Morgan and the gang from ‘Girls’ Town’ vs the 4 girls from ‘The Violent Years’.My money is on Silver and crew since they got nuns and stuff!

    actually, my bet is that the girls stop fighting each other and bludgeon Paul Anka to death about 4 seconds after he fires up ‘I’m just a lonely boy.’ ‘where’s your drill seargent back up band now paulie? wham!’


  21. Professor Firefly says:

    Mitchell vs Rowsdower fight over the last beer…
    Diaboliic vs Secret Agent Super Dragon…
    The Slime People vs.The Creeping Terror…
    Mikey vs.Troy to see who’s the wimpiest…
    Valerlia from Robot Holocaust vs Natalie from Werewolf to see who can understand either one of them…


  22. goalieboy82 says:

    about about the Giant Spiders vs the Giant Gila monster.
    monster from Monster a Go-Go vs Eegah


  23. Charles Solution says:

    Motorized mechanical mayhem in the Allstate Automotive Alliteration Arena!
    Megaweapon vs. Jet Jaguar!

    Commando Cody vs. Pumaman in, I don’t know, some kind of flying thing?


  24. Blowie the Dolphin says:

    I’d pay to See Babs from “Horrors of Spider Island” take on Peaches from “Racket Girls”.


  25. Son of Peanut says:

    Nick from Hobgoblins vs the kick-boxing protagonist from Future War in a rake-wielding/box-throwing battle to the death… or at least until the audience falls asleep.


  26. Droppo says:

    John Peter McCallister takes on his friend and pupil, Max Keller, in a deadly game of cat and mouse!


  27. Remmie Barrow says:

    I say we have a three-way biker gang battle with the gangs in SIDEHACKERS, HELLCATS, and WILD REBELS.


  28. Sitting Duck says:

    Why must there always be violence???

    What? It’s fun!


  29. James Rivers says:

    Rocky Jones vs Commando Cody


  30. Spade says:

    Continuing his series of “Peter Graves” screenplays, Crow experiments with some genre-mixing in “Peter Graves Fights Against Himself In A Cage Match!” I’m not privy to the exact details of this screenplay, but I believe it would go a little something like this:

    First, Paul Whitley from “SST Death Flight” must battle Dr. Paul Nelson from “It Conquered The World” – pretty sure the latter’s speech alone will seal the deal. (“He learned, almost too late, that man is a feeling creature… OOF! That hurt!” *punch*)

    Next, Dr. Ed Wainwright from “Beginning Of The End” battles corrupt politician Jeffrey Knight from “Parts: The Clonus Horror”. This one could go either way – while Dr. Wainwright is younger and more fit (particularly after being chased by giant grasshoppers), Knight has access to cloned body parts to keep him in the fight.

    The winners from the first two rounds will then battle it out to determine who is the all-time MST3K Peter Graves Cage Match champion!

    …and then! In a surprise move (and crossover with The Film Crew), the winner of *that* match will have to battle the lead character of “Killers From Space”, Dr. Doug Paul Martin!

    Which Peter Graves will be left standing at the end, triumphantly holding up the trophy declaring him to be the Peter Graves-iest of them all?!? Just remember, “It can’t be given; it has to be achieved!”


  31. goalieboy82 says:

    Why must there always be violence???

    Instead, let’s settle in for some lip and tongue action as Valeria, minion of the Dokwon, engages Natalie, wurwilf activist, in debate.

    In case both competitors are deemed equally pleasing, the winner will be decided by Prof. E.C. Buehler, Director of Forensics, University of Kansas.

    why the violence???
    its ape law.


  32. Cornjob says:

    Why the violence?

    Bite me, it’s fun.


  33. Fart Bargo says:

    I’ve been reading a lot about a Smarm off between Chance and Fargo, which is a good match. I’ll play Vince McMann and make it a Three Way Cage match by throwing in John Agar (in ANY MST3K role) against these two pretenders. His ring name would be the Smarmalator.


  34. Huggybear says:

    Allison Hayes from The Undead vs. Beverly Garland from The Gunslinger.

    In some mud, or jello, or oil, or something.


  35. Joseph Klemm says:

    My ideas for matches that have not been suggested yet:

    *Marvel vs. DC: Dave “Blast Hardcheese” Ryder (AKA Captain America) vs. either Mike from Jungle Goddess (Superman) or Capt. Churchman from Zombie Nightmare (Batman).
    *Airplane dogfight between Nick Miller (Time Chasers), Davey (San Francisco International Airport), and Cherokee Jack (Red Zone Cuba). Special guest referee: Petey Plane.
    *Hugo (Devil Doll) vs. the Evil Cymbal Monkey (Merlin’s Shop).


  36. Erich says:

    Fantazia (Hobgoblins) vs. Linda Evans (Mitchell)


  37. Shrike says:

    Buffalo Bill vs. Critter and yes they can use their guitars.

    Godzilla vs. The Hobgoblins.


  38. Flying Saucers Over Oz says:

    Bobby from the ‘Rocky Jones’ things Vs. Gorgo. I don’t like Bobby…

    Or how about The Beast of Yucca Flats Vs. Lobo?


  39. Cornjob says:

    I like the Fire Maidens Vs. Manos Wives gown match idea. The Manos ladies are meaner, but I think the Fire Maidens would overpower and hogtie the Manos Wives with their “unbreakable” knots. Then they’d probably tickle them. Or roast them alive.


  40. Gary Himes says:

    Pitch from SANTA CLAUS vs the Devil from THE UNDEAD! Jamie Farr in red tights against Bob Fosse in a Peter Pan hat!


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