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Weekend Discussion Thread: Your MSTie FuneralAlert regular Timmy writes:
Me, I want the Angels’ Revenge Peter Lawford end: Float me face down in the pool with a glass of bourbon in my hand. What would your request be? 78 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Your MSTie Funeral”Commenting at Satellite News
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I don’t want a funeral. I want everyone to think that I simply disappeared, so I can be said to be “as elusive as Robert Denby.”
Not being too keen on the whole spectacle of funerals…I’d simply be content to have my cremated ashes spread out at sea on the Catalina Caper cruise ship. Have the ordained minister and well known “impressionist” Little Richard say a few words and belt out a number other than “Scuba Party” of course, “Ready Teddy” or “Slipin’ n Slidin’ perhaps.
As long as the funeral dirge is done by Digger Smolken, I will rest peacefully with Vaccu flowers on my grave. :skeleton:
Or…In leau of vaccu flowers, please send a donation to H.E.L.P.I.N.G.C.H.I.L.D.R.E.N.T.H.R.O.U.G.H.R.E.S.E.A.R.C.H.A.N.D.D.E.V.E.L.O.P.M.E.N.T. :snicker:
would have this read at my funeral:
Every time you watch a rainbow and feel wonder in your heart. Every time you pick up a handful of dust, and see not the dust, but a mystery, a marvel, there in your hand. Every time you stop and think, “I’m alive, and being alive is fantastic!” Every time such a thing happens, you’re part of the Circus of Dr. Lao.
I want to make a video montage of funeral themed clips from all my favorite TV shows to be showcased when I die. The funeral host segment from “Gunslinger” would be in there (as would the funeral scene from the movie – “All right, I’m not doin’ this one for free”), but I’d also want Aunt Gladys’ funeral from The Simpsons (“That’s a woman? Good lord!”), Bender’s funeral from Futurama (“Louder and sadder!”), and “If entertainers worked funerals” from Whose Line Is It Anyway (“Isn’t that incredible, ladies and gentlemen, with just six volts, you can make your relatives dance again!”).
For me just invite everybody over to the apartment for some rice and a viewing of “The Crawling Eye” with Forrest Tucker, the guy who makes sure the tree’s shirts are in their pants.
jjb3k, there’s a MST quote about “There’s a montage blowin’ in!” that you could use as the introduction to your video showcase. I want to say it came from the Lassie movie, “The Painted Hills” but I could be wrong…
I just want the Weird Al Yankovich song “Trapped in the Drive Thru” played. It’s the story of my life.
This funeral stuff seems like a big hassle. Why not just… not die?
So many possibilities. Being cremated by Gamera has a nice simplicity to it.
If I’m killed I want a voodoo priestess to reanimate me so I can get some sweet revenge.
If I’m terminally ill I’d kill myself by watching Screaming Skull and score a free coffin in the process. Then I’d like to help a suspected witch escape in my coffin on the way to the cemetery. There the funeral would be officiated over by the hippie from Laserblast. At the end my ghostly disembodied head would float up and jokingly accuse someone of killing me. Then Joe Estevez would pull my soul into a glowing green ring so the Fire Maidens could play ring toss with my soul as they frolic barefoot around my coffin. After I’m buried my mortal remains would become squirm food. Circle of life.
If anyone in your family is hard of hearing you could prebook
(for obvious reasons) the preacher in The Giant Spider Invasion
to officiate. Dutch and the Skipper are available for pallbearers
and catering a delicious barbecue afterwards. (If they can underbid Ortega).
I would love the voice over of “the good and the beautiful” speech from “honey bunches of death”. There would have to be the theme music from the end of the show, that bitter sweet tune that says the show is over once again. (I’m going to start crying). But seriously, just toss me in the airlock and don’t tell Santa.
I’m on the Gamera train as well…
I’d be floated off into space on the back of Gamera, and allowed to float off into the deep space while down below on earth the children sing the gamera praise song. It wouldn’t be all about me, it would be about how Gamera is a friend to all children.
@14
and i will have the mourners yell “it stinks!”
Sealed in a wave of molten gold like Diabolik.
I want to be cremated like the Potato girl from Deathstalker. They need to wrap me in foil and crimp the edges real good. Make sure to poke some holes in me so I don’t explode!
Don’t forget to play “Clown in the Sky” at the wake.
I want to be torn apart by animals.
How about a nice headlong dive off Hoover Dam like Glen Manning in The Amazing Colossal Man? That would be a way to go! I could then have Scotty “Winky” Beckett sing me to my eternal sleep with a soothing lullaby……
Bury me in a crate of hamdingers while Joel sings snatches of The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins.
After dark, bring Molly Mokembe to the grave so they can get me out of the bone orchard.
After she does her Haitian thing, I can feel again the worm. I’ll take the Greyhound to Georgia, go antiquing with Geri “Q-tip” Sanders, and fishing with Roger “da Wormface” Grimes. Speaking of Grimes, as a zombie in Georgia, I best keep an eye out (literally!) for Rick and Michonne.
After 50 days, I will be assumed into the company of TV’s Frank and Torgo, as the Brain Guys sing When I Held Your Brain in My Arms… while, of course, holding my brain.
Talk about Best Brains…
Jo-no out!
Great answers here!
I would request my ashes be mixed with Allison Hayes’ ashes and then buried in Eden Praire MN, Home of mst3k’s old studio.
Laid to rest with only a penny and a broken cigarette.
A solemn procession as John “The Voice” Carradine sings the haunting Night Train to Mundo Fine.
I want Mike, Dr. F, and TV’s Frank graveside, and after the preacher is finished, I want Mike to say a few words, finishing with somberly with “He died as he lived, mudstained and splaying.” Then Dr. F. will turn to Frank and say, “Push the button, Frank” to lower my casket into my grave as the MST3K end titles music plays.
Then, of course, I want the witch doctor from “Zombie Nightmare” to bring me back as a zombie so I can take revenge on all of my enemies.
I dunno about the funeral part, but I’d like my wake held at “Eat”. Or perhaps “Drink, Boink, and Regret”.
If I could decide who lives and who dies I would decide to just not die. Duh.
If you’re going to have the end credits play as you’re laid to rest, there HAS to be a “stinger” at the end! Yep, just as coffin touches down and the music comes to an end, suddenly a video is played showing a clip of you doing or saying something stupid/weird/funny.
Excellent idea, but may I suggest throwing in Crow’s quip “boredom” after “disillusionment…”
In the narthex of the building, attendees would be provided with protective eye wear.
Upon entering the main chamber, a large white coffin of exact SOL dimensions is seen, supported on chrome rails. It hums like a Frigidaire.
Like Spock viewing the Medusian ambassador, one must wear the eye gear, because when the coffin is opened, extremely bright read yellow and white LEDs are seen to line the interior vertical panels.
The only safe way to view my mortal remains is to wear the provided shades, otherwise, you might go Mighty Jack blind. (Or, you could just shut your eyes and touch me.)
Pizza and beer for everybody, an albino DJ who is the spitting image of Joel, and a mirror ball overlooking the dance floor round out the atmosphere/wake.
Every so often, someone approaches the SOL coffin and pushes a button to view me and my red jumpsuit. Light floods the room like slow motion lightning or an arc welder with OCD getting that bead just right.
The culmination before departing to the cemetery is the reading of my last request beyond time and space: That, in the tradition of some cultures which demanded a wife follow her husband into the Great Beyond, I would indicate Susan Hart was my eternal bride and that she should be prepared for departure as soon as possible, because, hey, eternity can be a lonely state of affairs and mainly, I want those living to make use of the copyrights she leaves behind.
A top of the line Caterpilar ditch digger has been painted Area 51 stealth black before it digs my final navel in the earth.
Black Caterpillar, powder white SOL at the ready to be lowered. It’s all about juxtaposition, music, and timing.
RSVP