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Weekend Discussion Thread: Military-Related Humor

Happy Memorial Day weekend!

Alert regular Timmy offers:

My father was in the Air Force (he was a B-52 navigator for Strategic Air Command). A few years ago I showed him the clip from SCCTM from Cinematic Titanic that had the B-52 in it. He laugh at that clip. For those who haven’t see the movie, Trace says, “the mighty B-52, backbone of the Strategic Air Command, it bully full of atomic death, keeping America safe and the rest of the world scared s**tless.” With that in mind, what is your favorite military related humor of MST3K, (including Rifftrax and Cinematic Titanic). Mine is when Crow does anything from “Patton.”

One of my favorites is “Stock footage is hell.”

What’s your pick?

77 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Military-Related Humor”

  1. Ray Dunakin says:

    From “Santa Claus”, when little Lupita wakes up: “Mama, mama! I had the ‘Nam dream again!”

    Also from the same movie: “Why does Santa have an Air Force star over his door?” “Well, Santa flew 23 missions over North Korea.”

    An from a movie who’s name escapes me at the moment (I think it was Invasion USA): “Carpet bomb in the morning, entertain guests at night!”

    Another one: “The President deploys a box of men!”


  2. Cornjob says:

    “My shirt was close. I could smell it”


  3. patrick says:

    Hobgoblins. “The Army was looking for a few good men, and Nick qualified!”


  4. Travis McLemore says:

    From “Undersea Kingdom”. “Annapolis a day keeps the doctor-is away!” “Congratulations,soldier.Go out and kill.”


  5. EricJ says:

    Mike Flugennock: “Enjoy the Vietnam War, weeknights after ‘Laugh-In’!”
    –Tom Servo, The Starfighters

    (So, apparently, Kevin Murphy watches a lot of Oliver Stone movies…)


  6. “Ojai. Crap. I’m still in Ojai.” – – – from Laserblast, a play on a line from Apocalypse Now.


  7. Torgo's Pizza says:

    “And sharpen those wings!” – Starfighters, the movie that introduced the world to the erotic world of mid-air refueling


  8. Suzanne says:

    “Did you like meeting my privates?” from The Deadly Mantis

    That line about Santa’s missions over North Korea always makes me smile too.


  9. Son of Peanut says:

    So many from The Beginning of the End have already been said, but here are a few more gems…

    “They’ve broken our codes and the sergeant was a grasshopper undercover.”

    “Even our best footage can’t stop ’em!”

    “We’ve got to get organized. We should not be losing to grasshoppers, people!”


  10. Ray Dunakin says:

    Not exactly a military joke, but in “Invasion USA”, when the two Lois Lanes are portraying airline clerks who have to break the news to people that the cities they’re trying to reach have been nuked. After about the third one: “Look, they’re dead!”

    That one always cracks me up.


  11. Terry the Sensitive Knight says:

    Not exactly a riff, but Rocket Attack USA’s insistence that there’s not enough of a budget for the military(HA!) and bashing cheese price supports.


  12. Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy says:

    “At ease! Hah! They’re dead!”

    – ep. 608 Code Name: Diamond Head, Volume XXXIII. Said by Tom Servo after “Colonel Lovejoy” released the poison gas.


  13. TitanGojira says:

    I always love Mike’s line from Starfighters, as the pilots train with stationary targets: “Now boys, you should know that at some point the Middle East WILL fight back.”


  14. JCC says:

    Another one from Diamond Head: “Admiral Sid Dithers.”


  15. Troy says:

    Two great riffs that come to mind:

    Regarding the Donnie Most-ing officer from The Deadly Mantis: “Yeah, I think this guy is familiar with the term ‘dishonorable discharge.'”

    And while the colonel’s daughter in Laserblast is kissing chest scab guy: “Boy, I hope she gets combat pay!”


  16. Cornjob says:

    “Thank you Field Marshal Child.”, from some Japanese movie.


  17. Juice says:

    Yes! Great riff – “Marines..we are LEAV-ING!!” Nice war appropriate riff and all, but I always associated that line with “Aliens”. Hicks says it when the marines have just gotten their butts kicked and Ripley has crashed through the wall with the huge tank/car to rescue them. Not that it matters.


  18. MajorMac says:

    As Charles B. Pierce recoils from the baby creature in Boggy Creek II: “That shocks my faux military wear!”


  19. Turquoise Plastic Pith Helmet says:

    After a military squad gets themselves mangled into a strange-looking pile of heads, torsos, arms and legs by the Creeping Terror, Crow’s comment “What the heck kind of memorial do we build for those guys?” always cracks me up.


  20. Leave Crow T. Robert Denby Alone says:

    @ #67 That line is also used as a callback to Aliens, in Prometheus (but addressed specifically to David).


  21. Ransom says:

    Why Study Industrial Arts. – “This make joining the army look good”

    Horrors of Spider Island. Mike remarks on a door labeled “Private ” – “Nice office for an enlisted man”

    Btw I’ve been in the National Guard for 15 years.


  22. Cornjob says:


    After moving to Paso Robles right after the end of the 8th grade I was really getting in touch with my inner clinical depressive. When I got up one morning I looked out the window and started monologue-ing like the beginning of Apocalypse Now:

    “Paso Robles. S**t. I’m so lonely in Paso Robles. I’ve been here for weeks. Waiting for school to start. Getting weaker. While they’re out there. Getting stronger. Each time I looked around the walls moved in a little tighter…”


  23. PabstTallBoy says:

    #17 – Right on the head (cue theme from “Patton”).

    “War. God how I love it so”

    FYI. MST3K Beginning of the End on Retro TV Sat. (5/30) at 8:00 pm EDT. Be There. Aloha.


  24. goalieboy82 says:

    also Dr Who and the Daleks is on TCM tonight at 12:30am and Miami Connection is on Sunday, June 7th at 2:15am (with Shake Hands With Danger on at 5:15am).


  25. Into The Void says:

    The bit from The Movie re Cal’s plane:

    I hope you tax payers don’t mind.

    All: We do!

    (unfortunate that far too few people do…the manufacture of people’s consent is faaarr more effective than the bludgeon, eh?! ha)


  26. MSTie says:

    Thought of another one. In Catalina Caper during the awful song from that band whose name escapes me, I think it was Crow who said, “Boy, they sent the wrong guys to ‘Nam.”


  27. goalieboy82 says:

    remember at the end of the Starfighters when they were going off to Europe, well this is it:


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