Many of the films that got the MST3K treatment were made on shoestring budgets (and some got a lot less). So the filmmakers couldn’t construct elaborate sets or expensive CG effects…or build reasonable props. The list of bad props in MST films is a treasure trove of WTF? I always wonder if the filmmakers knew going in that these props looked unconvincing, or if they really thought an audience’s suspension of disbelief was great enough to override those shortcomings.
Worst props in an MST’d film. The chewed gum/foil ball dead talker-thingy from The Dead Talk Back and that dingy paper circle calendar from Blood Waters of Dr. Z immediately stand out in my mind. What the hell was up with those?
I’m going to pick the monster in The Creeping Terror. Did they REALLY think that was scary?
What’s your pick?
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How about the ridiculous tribal mask from “Track of the Moon Beast (not to mention Johnny Longbone’s stew recipe)?
A few people have mentioned the large props from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, but I would add the outfits were also super cheap. It’s not as noticeable with the print they had for MST3k, but for Rifftrax they had a much better print and we’re talking pipe cleaners and hand cut out felt–a very strange contrast with the high end furniture they used (Fritz Hansen.)
Honorable mention to all the stock footage in general and from Overdrawn at the Memory Bank in particular.
If I’m to be honest with myself, Billy’s exotic weaponry in Laserblast was extremely rinky-dink and loosey-goosey.
Though I distinctly remember being quite amped up about it when I was sixteen.
Oh, Billy!
I’m way late to this, but I can’t see any close second to the camera in Future War. It’s a *camera*, not some obscure or imaginative object. You couldn’t find an actual camera to show for five seconds in your movie? It’s as if they needed to show a chair and made a fake one out of toothpicks and glue.
A camera. Next time, just shoot yourself in a mirror, a la Cambot.
A camera. I can’t stress that enough.
Hoo boy, were those Pumaman heads extremely art class! I wish I had pics from over twenty years ago of a papier mache mask I did for junior high art class that looks exactly like it was made by the same guys in charge of making those heads.
Not so much “worst of the worst” but definitely my nomination for “non attempt at disguising a repurposed object”: Nastasia’s bomb. The “timer” is obviously one Mr. Challenger, an electronic toy by Texas Instruments from the late ’70s and early ’80s. Google for its images, and you will see what I mean. They did not bother to disguise its distinctive keyboard highlights.
My brother and I loved Mr. Challenger when we were kids. Its main game was hangman style, but without the hanged man. The LCD display was an upgrade to the classic old timey calculator display, now with alphanumeric capabilities! It was limited to eight letters in a word, with both preprogrammed words and room to put in new words.
Gave us hours of fun and cheerful electronic chirping. Very clever for its time, but also weird to spot in an Italian made Mad Max knockoff.
The hot dog loving monsters from Horror of Party Beach. Even the movie’s official advertising often swapped those bizarre things out for a mouth of more traditional looking teeth. I love the goofiness of them but I’m not at all sure I get the point. Frightening, they most certainly are not. How is a monster to eat its victims when it already looks like it’s got its mouth full of something else?
I’ll second “Danger Death Ray”. How many box tops did they cost? “Special effects by Billy!” “The water’s beautiful in this part of the tub”.
There’s got to be a story behind the cardboard box camera in Future War. They couldn’t beg borrow or steal a real camera for that? Even a consumer level full size VHS camcorder with some fake tv station call letters stenciled on it would have passed muster.
The IBM PC clones on the bridge in Space Mutiny bake my noodle.
The story goes that Ed Wood “borrowed” an Octopus made for a John Wayne movie, but didn’t grab the equipment that actually made it work.
To me, even worse than the toy boat in Danger! Death Ray is that sadly dropped watch at the end. Not so much a problem with the prop itself, just how incompetently it is used.
All this talk of cheap props brought to mind this little gem concerning the props on Doctor Who.
I watched Santa Claus last night so I have to add the following props;
The Ear Scope, ear glued to an oscillating fan.
The Tele Talker, dubbed “The Pleasure Mouth” by Crow.
Last, but not least, the nightmare inducing reindeer, brrrrrrr.
The Simon game was released around 1978.
Santa Clause Conquers the Martians was 1964.
You might as well say Van Halen was playing concerts the year JFK was assassinated.
Watched “Night of the Blood Beast” recently and thought of these props: the tiny fried eggs in the microscope and the shrimp aliens as viewed in the fluoroscope. Both were pretty lame IMO.
skeleton of werewolf in “WEREWOLF”, specifically the ear bones…
@63
There was some old low-budget cable show that one time compared the appearance of it to a Simon game. I think he was referencing that when using that description rather than saying it literally was a Simon.
#59: Yes! And that’s one of the reasons why Ed Wood’s octopus-prop is so iconic. The context in which the prop emerged is part of its legendary status; it transcends the gloriously cheesy movie in which it resides, and yet it also represents its very essence. And the stock footage of the real octopus beautifully calls attention to its wounded mechanical cousin.
Kudos to those who reminded me of the pathetic rubber snake in the tree! :)
The “off-the-rack Napa auto parts” from Cave Dwellers.
The strangely immobile Hobgoblins from Hobgoblins.
The spaghetti worms from Squirm.
The dune buggy spider from Giant Spider Invasion.
Time Chasers: the key to time travel fits on 3 5″ floppy discs.
The Soultakers’ glow bracelet soul-taking thingies.
“Attack of the Christmas ornaments of the 60’s.”
The “spaceship” from Human Duplicators. Oh, and also the clones’ heads when they break like a ceramic pot if someone just whacks them a bit. :)
And who can forget the V-shaped, diamond-encrusted mummy thing from Being from Another Planet?
Has anyone mentioned the paper towel rolls desperately trying to be ICBMs in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians?
How about the super secret clone notes transcribed by Miss Johnson’s 4th grade class?
#69 had my first idea, the V-shaped Diamond-Encrusted Mummy Communicator Type Thing.
I am assuming we do not extend the lame prop idea to our favorite Brains. After all, if I remember rightly, they even poke fun at it an episode. Joel is showing the bots they can make stuff from things found around the SOL. Crow thinks it crummy because it’s built of a bowling pin, lacrosse helmet, soap dish… wait a minute. (what episode is that in?)
Off topic:
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The bad carpets drapped over dogs in Attack of the Killer Shrews.
Yeah the more I think about it the Killer Shrew costumes are probably one of the worst, because they actually make the thing less scary than if they had done nothing at all.
In theory an island filled with berserk and starving dogs should be plenty scary on its own, but if you put weird fur carpet things on them and have them make a weird noise it’s not as scary.
Gamera vs. Zigra and the moon exploration. Did they really think they were fooling anyone?
Re: #61. On a similar note, I remember reading the prop guys for the original STAR TREK used to go through other sets’ trash for stuff they could use. Often as not, the weird alien artwork hanging on the walls were just spray-painted containers for prop guns.
at #63..
I would almost bet that you have not seen SCCTM. Once you view the prop/scene in question, you will perfectly understand Dr. Erikson’s (#29) well placed metaphor/continuation riff in the correct context. He wasn’t referring to the prop as being the actual game in any way, as the prop could ~never~ be mistaken for being a Simon.
Meanwhile, I am certain I saw a 1979 “Computer Perfection” in 2001: A Space Odyssey.
It’s actually been proven; in 1977’s “The Pack” (starring MST3K icon Joe Don Baker), ‘summer’ dogs abandoned on an island band together to survive, and once they’ve overwhelmed the local wildlife the only source of prey left is the humans. It has its moments.
Revoltingly enough, “Shrews” isn’t the only time dogs in suits have stood in for monster rodentia. “Deadly Eyes” features poor li’l wiener doggies in heavy make-up playing giant rats. WIENER DOGGIES.
But yeah, getting back on track, my picks for Worst Props would be the non-functional phone in “Monster-a-Go-Go” and the ridiculous ‘camera’ from “Future War.” Each one is so pathetic and awful that despite being onscreen for only an instant they stop the film dead in its tracks.
It seems I’m too late to the party. All the good ones have been mentioned. So I’ll have to go with Troy’s Captain Crunch treasure map from “The Final Sacrifice”.
Honorable mention: The Hitler building in “Invasion of the Neptune Men”. Really? They couldn’t have come up with a different shot?
#72 that’s in Human Duplicators.
The “camera” in Future War is practically the only time I’ve ever watched a film and actually felt bad for the folks that made it.
Did anybody mention the TV camera from Future War yet? Oh maybe they did.
The golf cart chariots in Space Mutiny.
Rowsdower’s truck.
The “pill container” and the conveniently labeled “Multi Channel Mixer” from “Teenagers from Outer Space.” I’d add the dime store ray guns, but the the flash-mirror effect when they fired them was actually pretty decent. The Gargan’s drum kit was also a hoot.
Well, I can think of one prop that was very convincing – the Evinrude motor in Devil Fish. Like Crow, I was quite surprised when it was reviled to be a prop.
Wow, I’m surprised no one had mentioned the ridiculous, paper mache “ancient stone carving” of the “Puking Budda” that Troy crawls through in “Final Sacrifice”. It literally looked like it was made by a fifth grader.
BTW — A friend of mine used to have the giant rubber octopus from “Bride of the Monster” stored in his barn! And unlike Ed Wood, he even had the mechanism to make it work. He was storing it for a guy who bought it when the studio had a huge sale of old props back in the ’70s.
the giant spider from giant spider invasion.
The spacecraft interiors in Project Moonbase — which, if I recall, were also used in Cat Women Of The Moon.
The spacesuits in 12 To The Moon which were obviously old USAF fighter pilot suits bought at a surplus store and which appeared to have shipped without helmet visors, forcing the writers to make up a bunch of balloon juice about their having super-cool electrical magic invisible face sheilds.
The Incredibly Potent Charmed Shield Of Merdor.
The The Eye Creatures.
Guiron.
The cheapest of all props was the disappearing pencil in “Bride of the Monster.” Or, was that just bad continuity. Whatever, Ed.