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Weekend Discussion Thread: What MSTed Movie Would You Remake?

Matty writes:

What if you won the lottery and decided to remake a MSTed film w/a bigger budget? Maybe add a cast wishlist? I wouldn’t mind taking on “The Dead Talk Back” w/Seth Rogen as Harry Krasker. And for some reason Courtney Love as Renee makes sense to me….

It already had a big budget but I want to redo “Sword and the Dragon” with a “Game of Thrones” flavor and budget. Sean Bean as Ilja Muromets, of course.

What’s your pick?

88 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: What MSTed Movie Would You Remake?”

  1. Sillstaw says:

    Looking through the episode list, I had the thought that if anybody were going to remake “The Brute Man,” Robert Z’Dar would have been an interesting choice for the title role.

    Also, if turning the remakes into out-and-out comedies is allowed, “The Pumaman” could make for an interesting “Airplane”-style parody of superhero movies.

       5 likes

  2. Happenstance says:

    It’ll never happen in light of Mars Needs Moms, but yeah, just imagine Disney/Pixar’s Santa Claus Conquers The Martians.

    Japan has gone through a run of live-action versions of old anime, some serious (Space Battleship Yamato, Harlock: Space Pirate), some ‘updated’ or camped up (Ge Ge Ge no Kitaro, Yatterman); don’t you think it’s time for manga-based grot like Prince of Space to see a remake?

    I’m honestly surprised that the Creature series (as in, Revenge of the Creature; it’s too bad MST3K never got around to riffing The Creature Walks Among Us) hasn’t been rehashed already.

       3 likes

  3. Happenstance says:

    Oh damn, I almost forgot, and I’ve pushed this one before: The Horror of Party Beach!! With Angela Bassett as Eulabelle, the movie’s ass-kicking heroine, laying waste to hot dog-mouthed zombies AND stupid white boys.

       3 likes

  4. JeremyR says:

    The Crawling Eye but add a more obvious Lovecraftian touch to it.

       5 likes

  5. new cornjob says:

    John Hanna:
    ‘Manos’, but do it as a ‘making of’ comedy drama. A film about Hal Warren’s quest to make his magnum opus, complete with all the behind the scene antics and John Reynolds’ personal problems. This has potential to be another ‘Ed Wood’.

    that idea really grabs me by the booboo! gotta say, i’d love to see what someone could come up with for something like that! (though honestly, i don’t know how easy it would be to have anything like the happy ending “ed wood” had for a “hal warren” type of flick… that one just can’t end with a contended audience passively watching his movie, lol!)

       2 likes

  6. maclen says:

    I’d always thought that in the hands of a competent director and screenwriter that a remake of “Teenagers from outer Space” could actually be a decent film. In the film as it reaches to it’s ultimate conclusion when they are trying to repair the de-meating ray gun to destroy the lobster and in helping to counter the alien invasion, the film is somewhat compelling.
    And on a unrelated topic, I once posted a question on which of the “7” actually voted to kill drug pusher Sticks in “Angels Revenge”, and I think I have the answer. By deduction and elimination I believed that it was the teen Trish who voted to kill Sticks. Well, I was just watching the un-mistied and unedited film, and I just noticed that after they vote by either putting an live or empty bullet cartridge in the can, empty cartridge of course meant sparing his life, there is actually a shot of Trish as she is handling the other cartridge in her hand she did not place into the can, and it certainly looks like the empty cartridge. So it would seem that is was Trish who did voteto kill Sticks.

       2 likes

  7. Rice off Peeples says:

    Rooney Mara…The Violent Years…just imagine…

       1 likes

  8. David Mello says:

    How about “Gunslinger” with Charlize Theron as the gal who becomes Sheriff after her hubby gets killed, Julianne Moore as Erica and Gerard Butler as the gunfighter in the middle (that’s what he gets for making “London Has Fallen”). It would be a good idea to de-emphasize the Civil War bitterness.

       5 likes

  9. Ray Dunakin says:

    maclen:
    So it would seem that is was Trish who did voteto kill Sticks.

    I’m not surprised. Just check out her gleeful reaction to the potential genital mutilation. She was one sick cookie. (And so was the director!)

       2 likes

  10. Jay says:

    Attack of The The ISIS Creatures (get it?) –

    Gary Busey is a wackadoo survivalist whose remote compound is under attack by nocturnal terrorists. A host of Has Beens from Dancing with the Stars cha-cha in from town to save Gary, but only Cloris Leachman has the balls to stand up to the diabolical SMOOCHERS (Sick Mob Of Overtly Cranky Hermetically Extracted RIdiculous Sidehackers)! R. Lee Ermey would costar as the ineffective military commander obsessed with unlocking Cloris’ cell phone. It could work, People! It could work!!

    PS – This is a great WDT topic. I’ve never posted so much! Apologies.

       1 likes

  11. detective651 says:

    Indestructible Man with Idris Elba. Alien From L.A. with Aubrey Plaza. Tormented with Liam Neeson.

       1 likes

  12. Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy says:

    The Green Slime. Directed by the Coen brothers. Giger-styled monsters and artwork.

    I need Tom Selleck, Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Tommy Lee Jones, & Tommy Lee from Motley Crue in the cast.

    I need Madonna, Kate Winslet, Drew Barrymore, Judy Dinch, & Heidi Marnhout in the cast.

    J.J. Abrams is not allowed anywhere near the project, no matter how much he tried to horn in.

       1 likes

  13. Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy says:

    addendum:

    I would also accept Ron Howard as director of The Green Slime.

    A cameo by Robert Horton is a given.

    Horton is NINETY-ONE. We have to make this happen right away.

    (Seriously, Shout needs to at least interview Horton for a future The Green Slime bonus feature.)

       0 likes

  14. Kenneth Morgan says:

    Happenstance:

    I’m honestly surprised that the Creature series (as in, Revenge of the Creature; it’s too bad MST3K never got around to riffing The Creature Walks Among Us) hasn’t been rehashed already.

    The idea of an updated remake of “Creature from the Black Lagoon” has been kicking around Hollywood for years, but nobody’s managed to get it made.

       2 likes

  15. maclen says:

    Ray Dunakin: I’m not surprised. Just check out her gleeful reaction to the potential genital mutilation. She was one sick cookie. (And so was the director!)

    Yes, and later on when the ringleader school teacher punches out Jack Palance and is packing him into her car, Trish also brags that this time it will be her turn with the sword.
    I see that there is no mention of Boggy Creek 2 for a remake. I also noticed an unanswered open question in that one. Tanya has just finished making their food and Tim asks what were they having, and she says “baloney sandwiches and pork and beans.” Doc says “Great, one of my favorites.” So, the question is which is his favorite? Is it baloney sandwiches or pork and beans? Surely, based on his physique, he is clearly into pork. Yeah, questions that live through the ages.

       2 likes

  16. Cornjob says:

    Maybe Chloe Grace Moretz could play Trish in an Angels Revenge.

       1 likes

  17. maclen says:

    Cornjob:
    Maybe Chloe Grace Moretz could play Trish in an Angels Revenge.

    That’s right, “Hit Girl.” That is probably the best updated casting choice I’ve read so far, Cornjob.

       1 likes

  18. maclen says:

    It occurred to me that for a remake of Angels Revenge, you could practically cast the same women from the film “Sucker Punch” for most of the main characters.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0978764/

    Carla Gugino as the ringleader school teacher, Jamie Chung as Cako, Vannessa Hudgens as mall parking lot model Maria, Emily Browning as night club singer Michelle, Abbie Cornish as the cop Elaine.

       2 likes

  19. GodzillavsMegalon says:

    I’d give Kevin the percentage he wants, make everyone offers they couldn’t refuse, and reboot MST3K from the very beginning.

       1 likes

  20. I’ve always wanted to remake The Horrors of Spider Island and turn it into the feminist action/horror movie counterpart to John Carpenter’s The Thing that I always thought it could be.

       5 likes

  21. Brock Lee Rubberband says:

    No one has mentioned Diabolik? I think it could have a great modern day remake and people would go see it too. I would insist on more dee dee daa’s though.

       3 likes

  22. Cornjob says:

    #68 Interesting Sucker Punch analysis. I like that movie, even if I’m not sure I understand it.

    Another possible cast for an Angel’s Revenge movie might consist of Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, Demi Moore, and… Oh wait, never mind.

       1 likes

  23. Cornjob says:

    I’ve been trying to come up with a cast for a Phase 4 remake (a real one, not one in name only). Maybe Liam Neeson (he’s good in anything) as the scientist who’s obsessed with showing the ants who the boss is (Bruce Springsteen), Mark Ruffalo as the sensitive assist-ant, and Imogen Poots or Juno Temple as Kendra the demure barefoot horseback rider. Maybe Bruce Dern and Lilly Tomlin in brief cameos as Kendra’s crusty parents. Sarah Jessica Parker in another cameo as Kendra’s doomed horse. Not sure who to cast as the ants. Actors used to playing small roles I guess. Or Metalunan insects.

       1 likes

  24. Cornjob says:

    I know. The ants in Phase 4 could be played by Adam and the Ants. Maybe their singer Adam Ant could bring along some of his special metal, Adamantium. Forgive me if these early 80’s references are antiquated.

       1 likes

  25. That ain't Dirk says:

    Listing movies in my mind, I thought of The Sinister Urge. First I dismissed it as irrelevant now, but thought it could be extra grisly if it was about snuff pictures. This would serve to make Dirk’s murderous response more logical. Gloria would be portrayed by Kris Jenner, match.

       1 likes

  26. That ain't Dirk says:

    Stupid autocorrect, that’s NATCH!

       1 likes

  27. Kenneth Morgan says:

    Brock Lee Rubberband:
    No one has mentioned Diabolik? I think it could have a great modern day remake and people would go see it too. I would insist on more dee dee daa’s though.

    If they did remake it, they’d probably make Diabolik more of a conventional hero, like he’s stealing to support an orphanage, or the government killed his brother, or something. He wouldn’t be just a really cool, albeit somewhat amoral criminal.

       1 likes

  28. mthead says:

    Tarantino’s “Racket Girls”.

       2 likes

  29. Laura says:

    This is just popped into my head: I’d want to remake “Attack of The The Eye Creatures”. From obviously correcting the typo, I think you could make it very scary with a properly CGI’ed monster and a better cast (can’t really think of anyone since I haven’t seen in a while). And cut out the misogyny.

    That’s all I can think of right now. :-)

       1 likes

  30. Mibbitmaker says:

    Christopher Walken as Torgo. ‘Nuff said.

    Or maybe the Master played by Michael Richards, using the painting of Kramer as the Master painting, and the father analyzing it with the same dialogue used in that Seinfeld episode.

       1 likes

  31. Ray Dunakin says:

    pirengle:
    The Touch of Satan. Fix the plot a bit (how are Luther and Molly related to her?) and it would do pretty well.

    Don’t forget to flesh out the fish character, and give us more detail about where he lives.

       3 likes

  32. A Flat Minor says:

    I’d like to see The Magic Sword remade. Betty White as Sybil, Chris Pine as George and the dragon as itself.

       3 likes

  33. schippers says:

    #64 – In the 1990s, as David J. Schow talks about in some issue of Fangoria or another, John Carpenter was attached as a director of the Creature of the Black Lagoon remake. Apparently Schow was not too impressed with the quality of the script which Carpenter was slated to direct (I cannot remember if Carpenter had anything to do with the scriptwriting).

    In my view, Creature of the Black Lagoon WAS remade – it was called Humanoids from the Deep, from Corman’s company.

       0 likes

  34. TimServo says:

    Crawling eye gets my vote: Location ,dangerous Ice AND ROCK (!) climbing, international hi tech “Aliens” style space Marine response team, hot Euro babes and a truly modernized , mean/nasty Head Poppin’ alien courtesy of ILM or some similar CGI company! Better than the last ,horrible “THING” without even trying!

       1 likes

  35. Wooly Rupert says:

    I would remake….Superman vs. Batman as Prince of Space vs. Pumaman.

       0 likes

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       0 likes

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       0 likes

  38. Lawgiver says:

    The Killer Shrews with Chris Pratt as the lead.

       0 likes

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