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Weekend Discussion Thread: Most Useless Law Enforcement

Alert regular “Smoothie of Great Power” suggests:

I re-watched Wild Rebels last night and had the thought, “You know, out of all the useless police in these movies, these guys are the worst. At least even the ones in Manos didn’t get killed off left and right like this.” So, what’s the most useless police force or law enforcement person in an MSTed movie?

Gotta go with Sheriff Alan “let’s call Nassau” Hale in Giant Spider Invasion. Was he any help at all?

What’s your pick?

58 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Most Useless Law Enforcement”

  1. Steve Vil says:

    I would have to say the cops in the town of Angel’s Revenge since 5 amateurs in superhero costumes brought down a drug smuggling ring without their intervention.


  2. Jay says:

    Johnny’s nonchalance:

    This must have slipped Sampo’s and the alert regular’s minds:

    Weekend Discussion Thread: Best and Worst Cops in MSTed Movies
    By Sampo, on June 12th, 2010

    Alert reader Patricia suggests we discuss…

    Who do people consider the best, or worst, representative of law enforcement in MSTed movies?

    If you’re like me, and I know I am, then you sometimes can’t remember things from last week let alone six years ago. How many WDTs have there been down through the years anyway?


  3. Douglas Glassman says:

    Only one other mention of Officer Cornjob?

    If we’re counting security guards (and why not), the guard played by Tony Zarindast in Werewolf was pretty awful. Sure, get drunk on the job with a guy whose hair changes every two scenes. It’s not like you’ll have a vehicular lupicide.


  4. Cornjob says:

    The Sheriff in Giant Gila Monster whose jurisdiction was smaller than a subatomic particle always made me laugh, but I still go with the Coleman Francis agents whose response to any crisis (including a grape embargo) was to hop in a light aircraft and try to kill anything on the ground that moved. Good thing they weren’t very good at it or the carnage would have been horrific.


  5. The elusive Robert Denby says:

    The cops in “Laserblast” weren’t particularly effective, although they did hand out a ticket. Are you ready for some football?!?


  6. Ray Dunakin says:

    From Track of the Moon Beast, Lt. Thumbs-stuck-in-Belt, along with his fellow APD officers who will shoot at any old dang thing up on the hillside.

    I think they were going for a Coleman Francis-esque ending, but couldn’t afford a plane.


  7. Ray Dunakin says:

    The police in Diabolik were pretty ineffective. Somehow, they managed to cover the villain in molten gold without killing him.

    Worse yet, they could clearly see him through the faceplate, and just assumed he’s dead even though he’s very obviously unharmed and just trying not to blink.


  8. Michael P says:

    Isn’t the bowler guy at the end of THE DEADLY BEES some kind of law enforcement? After seeing that ep half a dozen times, I finally twigged that he’s supposed to be investigating the weird bee murders but doesn’t arrive until a neurotic pop star has already solved them.


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