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Long Weekend Discussion Thread: Unintentionally Funny Line Readings in MSTed Movies

Alert regular Smoothie of Great Power wonders about…

…movie lines that are meant to be serious but end up sounding unintentionally funny due to the poor delivery.
I recently re-watched “The Horror of Party Beach” and got a good laugh (as did Mike and the bots) at how Hank tried to reassure Elaine near the end about her father’s condition, but the delivery made it sound more like he was bored rather than concerned.
“I just saw your father and he’s been burned badly, but he’ll be fine.” There are several other examples. What are some of the group’s favorites?

One word: TORCHA!


123 Replies to “Long Weekend Discussion Thread: Unintentionally Funny Line Readings in MSTed Movies”

  1. Gobi says:

    “This is where the fish lives.”


  2. XZB says:

    What are we going to do about those DAMN spiders?

    That I’m way too cheery about. Was she sleeping with a producer or something? Good lord.


  3. XZB says:

    Really, guy? You don’t know what in the *world* a pajama party is?


  4. Gobi says:

    “The dog’s meat, have you seen it?”


  5. goalieboy82 says:

    took sometime, but now
    from Angels Revenge
    “Hey, where was Bruce Jenner in this shot?”
    “He’s the one on the left.”


  6. edge10 says:

    Is that stud coming?


  7. Green Switch says:

    I’ll go with an umbrella answer and pick “everything the villainous Troxartis said in Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell.”

    If Mike, Crow, and Servo decided to not riff on him, that would be understandable, as his line readings were self-mocking.


  8. Billy Jack says:


    Federal agent to gas station attendant:

    “You don’t like this town, buddy?”


  9. Murdock Hauser says:

    “This is absolutely fascinating.” Damn Natalie, for something so fascinating you look and sound bored.


  10. Those aren't my tomatoes! says:

    Time for go to bed.

    Pototoes are what we eat!


  11. Green Switch says:

    Burr DeBenning’s performance as Dr. Ted Nelson in The Incredible Melting Man comes to mind.

    There’s one moment when he says “no, Neal, no” as Neal opens fire on the Melting Man. It should be an urgent, emotionally charged line, but DeBenning’s line reading is hilarious in its sheer laziness. It’s as if the actor was watching the clock and wanted to get the hell out of there ASAP.


  12. Jay says:

    Overdrawn At The Memory Bank –

    “Mom… ‘m I nuts?”

    In the movie it came and went, but in the MSTiverse it has stayed and stayed. You could print it on a can of cashews and we would all buy it.


  13. AlbuquerqueTurkey says:

    “So this is what is comes to? You and Noel is in it for fame and fortune? But over my dead body!”

    Guaranteed gut-buster even after 25 or so viewings.


  14. Droppo says:

    “So this is what is comes to? You and Noel is in it for fame and fortune? But over my dead body!”

    Guaranteed gut-buster even after 25 or so viewings.

    Brilliant. Such an underrated gem from that episode. Werewolf is chock full of unintentionally hilarious line readings. “Nose to anus.” “Wurwilf.” “I’ll take a walk!”

    Beyond Werewolf, I’m going to go with….

    Johnny Longbone’s world-weary reading of his stew ingredients.


  15. Mike M. says:

    “He tampered in God’s domain”

    “What kind of sin can a man commit in a single lifetime to bring this upon himself?!”

    “I had a pretty mind!!”


  16. littleaimishboy says:

    I know!


  17. 3… 2… 1… “Woarwulf?”! :)


  18. A.J. (A Jerk) says:

    i don’t think this is 100% on topic but there’s something about that kid in Time of the Apes threatening to kill a full-grown ape-man that cracks me up every time (also when he says he’s not afraid of anybody just cuz he’s got a stupid little knife)


  19. Warren says:

    I don’t care.

    Johnny is above the stress of caring for his own safety in an earthquake.


  20. Troy says:

    Green Switch:
    I’ll go with an umbrella answer and pick “everything the villainous Troxartis said in Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell.”

    Add Jack Palance from Outlaw to that list, and you’ve got a deal.


  21. Misfit4242 says:

    Teenage Strangler just wouldn’t be as moving and dramatic without Mikey!


  22. The Grim Specter of Food says:

    Glen was fifty feet tall!


  23. EricJ says:

    Since this is not about famous riff-beaten quotes, but bad readings, you could put just about any of the strange, disconnected Manos dubbings on the list, but particularly when the wives are discussing whether or not to kill the guests:
    “The woman, yes, the child, no.”
    (Cheese, maybe.)

    It’s going to be a long weekend discussion thread…


  24. Apollonia James (yeah right) says:


    Also, from Samson vs. The Vampire Women, during the wrestling match: Samson says “he’s using karate on me” as if it’s the end of the world or something… he just sounds so dire, disproportionate to the situation, that I crack up.


  25. Sitting Duck says:

    From Horrors of Spider Island: “There’s absolutely no reason yet to fear the worst. Until now, we only know that the plane caught fire and that we’ve lost radio contact.” Nothing wrong with the delivery per se. But being able to say that with a straight face is mind boggling.


  26. hortense says:

    “I like it very much” :-)


  27. Green Switch says:

    #20 – Troy, let’s add Dr. Hale from Riding With Death, especially for his delivery of “This can’t BE? You’re DEAD?”

    That has to be some of the weirdest, most unnatural cadence this side of Torgo.


  28. DarkGrandmaofDeath says:

    Track of the Moon Beast: “Moon rocks?! Oh, wow!” Good job, pink lady.


  29. Kansas says:

    The Elizabeth Weatherby dialogue from She Creature. I never realized that upper class English women of the 17th century spoke with Cockney accents. Ironically the actress’ name was English.


  30. Garza says:

    Lembach is staying!


  31. MarcusVermilion says:

    One man’s name screamed: “VAAAANNNCE!”


  32. David Mello says:

    How about the “argument” between the cops and Harvey B. Dunn over the need to prosecute porn movie producers in “Sinister Urge”, especially when Dunn is asked if he has daughters and says “Yes, I have two daughters” then guiltily leaves the room. That movie is filled with terrible line readings.


  33. John Hanna says:

    Almost all the line readings from ‘Gamera Vs Guiron’.
    “They may be very civilized up there – more than we are here on Earth. With no wars, or traffic accidents.”
    “I’ll tell you what. Remember, the next time, if you are naughty again… I’ll shave your heads!”
    “We met with a caLAMity!” (read in a southern accent)
    “Gamera is dancing go-go!”
    “HI. Thank you. Hello. Thank you. etc. etc.”


  34. ck says:

    “Why don’t they look?”

    (Well, at least they weren’t texting).


  35. robot rump! says:

    I’m going to go with the scientist from the Colossal Man while showing the stock footage of the a-bomb. Every answer was so agitated sounding.


  36. Freddie Agricola says:

    “Chief, I saw two bodies back there” *leaves*


  37. Dr. Erickson says:

    “It’s Satoris. He’s psychotic. Too many people underestimated him and died mysteriously.” (You can almost here him struggling not to add the “Eh.”)


  38. Blonde Russian Spy says:

    “Watch out for snakes”


  39. Green Switch says:

    Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders handed out hilariously bad line readings like gifts on Christmas.

    Some include:

    Merlin: “You’re WELcome!”

    Jonathan Cooper: “Merlin, you bastard!”

    And of course, Adrianne the Psychic, who deserved to have stinger honors for the episode with “MY GOD, DAVID.”


  40. Son of Peanut says:

    I’ll give the actors the benefit of the doubt and assume that some of these lines were just typed oddly in the script.

    From Final Justice: “I’ll blow her brains OUT!!”

    From Prince of Space: “I’mnotafraidifyouaregoonhome.”


  41. Dr. Erickson says:

    Another favorite: “Doctor! I don’t have to justify my actions to you, but since you’re asking. That explosion cut the power, and there wasn’t time to go-to-th’augzileryareriar backup system. I had to eject!”


  42. goalieboy82 says:

    Baby Oil!


  43. ck says:

    And then there’s Lea’s (Space Mutiny) supposedly sexy seduction of the doofus guard:
    “Then you can see EVERYTHING!” A great video for Fundamentalists to use to convince
    teenagers to follow abstinence.


  44. Edwin B says:

    From Radar Secret Service, when the maid comes into the room and sees a body she screams pretty strangely, then the gun moll says she’ll take care of everything and the maid says ‘Thank you!’ in the oddest way! Love that reading. It was so weird that Mike quips that the maid must be the directors mistress.

    In the same vein the woman that finds the skeleton in the office in Teenagers from Outer Space has a strange scream then says ‘Some foolish joke. I’ll not stay where this kind of thing goes on!’


  45. MSTie says:

    @EricJ, it’s precisely BECAUSE so many of the “famous riff-beaten quotes” are “movie lines that are meant to be serious but end up sounding unintentionally funny due to the poor delivery” that they are (in)famous and funny. Honestly, if you despise this board, everyone on it, and everything we say so much, why don’t you start your own MST3K discussion site?

    The opening conversation between Don Pringle and Creepy Girl in Catalina Caper is supposed to be cute, I suppose, but it cracks me up.
    Don: I’ve never seen the ocean before.
    Creepy Girl: Oh, then you have missed much.
    Don: Yes. Yes, I have.

    Wow, the passion just leaps off the screen.


  46. pirengle says:

    The little boy’s lines from Robot Monster. He just sounds so precocious about everything, including his sister’s death.


  47. Norman says:

    Not MST so it should not count, but….Rudolph I need you!


  48. Kali says:

    “I’m the guy who gives the word here!” sez the least believable thug in the Universe in Village of the Giants

    [Sure you are, ducky…]


  49. Grandma Blob says:

    From Touch of Satan, “Oh, look at the blood”. Farmer square head seems more annoyed at the mess than the fact that a brutal murder has just been committed.


  50. “You been hittin’ the BOOZE again, Ev?”


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