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Weekend Discussion Thread: MSTed Movie Characters that Got a Raw Deal“Duke of Puddles” suggests:
Name yours. And if you have thread ideas, send them to msampo at aol dot com. 58 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: MSTed Movie Characters that Got a Raw Deal”Commenting at Satellite News
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Rawest of the raw deals: little Debbie in Manos, hands down (or should I say manos abajo). Had a moron for a dad, her dog gets killed, and then she ends up a child bride for a demon. The only bright spot is that in real life, the actress who played her was the only one who got paid for the film; she got a bicycle and everyone else got nothing.
Boggy Creek II –
How about the guy in the outhouse who got scared by The Creature? He literally got the sh-t end of that deal. Ha!
Kyle from Hobgoblins. Talk about bad dates. Fantasia tries to push him of a cliff. Then, just when it looks like he’s finally going to get to hook up with Daphne, French army Nick comes back after throwing himself on a grenade. Then he has to watch the van bounce around while Nick and Daph do the nasty. Geesh!
Pretty much everyone who isn’t Coleman Francis in Red Zone Cuba.
Also Beth from “Skydivers.” Loses husband, doesn’t end up with other guy, gives up business…another cheerful Coleman Francis character!
What about TORCHA! guy from “Teenagers From Outer Space?” He never got to TORCHA! anybody. And that’s pretty sad for a TORCHA! guy.
*walks away humming the theme song from Zoobilee Zoo*
Little Sandy will never get over the trauma of “Jazz pianist” Tom trying to kill her at the lighthouse in Tormented. I’m sure Sandy’s still talking about Vi to her therapist.
She’s heavily medicated these days for sure. Sucks since she’s by far the best character in the movie.
Greta in Mitchell- she took more than one for the team- wants a little medication to forget the trauma, and, winds up going to jail.
How about the army from Monster a Go Go who found out there was no monster, and there was no movie, really?
Joey the Lemur from King Dinosaur. Poor little guy got picked up by some of the stupidest humans to walk ANY planet, treated like a socialite’s exotic pet, endangered by being taken to an island full of “dinosaurs” and other scary beasts, then exposed to intense radiation at close range. And then he was memorialized with the “Joey the Lemur” song. Ouch!
The hippie girl from “Pod People”. The only thing she really did wrong was get flirtatious with the lead male singer who was already involved with another woman (which she didn’t seem to fully grasp at first), and her punishment is to lose her balance, fall off a cliff, get paralyzed, and then one of the aliens ends her life completely. That’s dark, man.
Certainly the girl at the end of The Mole People. Absolutely preposterous that Universal killed her off because they considered her relationship with John Agar “interracial” and offensive to some people. Then there is poor Paul at the end of Track of the Moon Beast. All he wanted was a lady dressed in pink and Johnny Longbone’s stew (made with corn, beef, green peppers, *sigh*, chilies…), but dies due to no fault of his own. Life in an MST3K movie can be so cruel…
Be sure to click my name to see my ongoing project: MST3K Filming Locations Then and Now. (click each photo for a detailed description.)
Those two boys from ‘Revenge Of The Creature’ who were talking about going to college, then the creature kills them.
Guess it’s no college for them.
Maury Firestein: Kosher Game Warden from The Creeping Terror. Getting eaten by carpet remnants is the last thing you expect to happen when you go fishing.
Yongary. Was there really a less dignified way to die than his death spasms and anal bleeding?
Of course, this sort of thing goes back to the KTMA days. Remember “Hangar 18”? The shuttle astronauts get wrongly cited for negligence in the death of their fellow crewmember. And, in order to cover up the alien ship, the scientists studying it get targeted by their own government, and the ones not actually in the ship get blown up. The only upside is that the survivors will have grounds for one monster lawsuit.
What about Poor Yorick from Hamlet? They dig up his body and Hamlet then feels he needs to play with his skull. Does Yorick want to be mixed up with the Danish royal screwiness? Let him rest in peace Hammy.
Jeanne from The Rebel Set. Married to a lazy (and untalented) moron, gets her hopes lifted, and then has to walk away alone as her idiot husband is hauled off to jail. Ouch.
I forgot one obvious one; Depressing Dad from “High School Big Shot” (which I finally saw recently and has quickly become a favorite of mine). Not Marv (“Fish Lips”); he’s an idiot who brought what happened to him on himself (don’t tell the girl your heist plan BEFORE the heist, you dimwit), but it’s hard not to feel bad for Depressing Dad. Poor guy doesn’t even know why bad things always happen to him. But Crow does:
“I don’t get it, son. I can’t catch a break.”
“I get drunk, vomit, pass out and don’t get hired.”
Poor Paul from Track of the Moonbeast, the greatest man in the world!
Episode 1102 CRY WILDERNESS –
Alas, the poor raccoon. Choked and abused by a homocidal maniac. I almost hope he had rabies so he could bite and infect that mesh shirt wearing dickweed!
Lt. Lamont from Space Mutiny. She was murdered and STILL had to show up for work the next day.
“Joey the Lemur from King Dinosaur. Poor little guy got picked up by some of the stupidest humans to walk ANY planet, treated like a socialite’s exotic pet, endangered by being taken to an island full of “dinosaurs” and other scary beasts, then exposed to intense radiation at close range. And then he was memorialized with the “Joey the Lemur” song. Ouch!”
Besides everything that happened to him “Joey” wasn’t even a Lemur.
I’d go with Talua from First Spaceship on Venus. The forced departure of the spaceship was beyond the crew’s control. But Talua had no way of knowing that as he screamed in impotent fury.
Is it possible to label them? It’s not always obvious which still is from which episode.
Every single character and extra that died in Avalanche, when Rock Hudson lived.
When you go to the album, click each photo and you will get a detailed description.
I always felt bad for the Daquiri Swilling Tractor Manufacturer in Invasion U.S.A. who got Peggy Castle swooped on by Mr. Smooth Radio News Announcer.
Jan in the Pan. To quote the bots:
“Her fiance’s mental and she’s lost her independence.”
“Not to mention trying to minimize a major figure flaw.”
Chris from Revenge of the Creature and Sparkles from Merlin’s Shop. Why did the poor dogs have to die when John Agar’s pompous scientist character and the angry psychic lady both got to live?
would also say the German Shepherd too.
the fans in 1999 when the show was cancelled.
Let’s all not forget the fact that in Sidehackers, Rita’s fate was so violent and harsh that they couldn’t even show it on television.
Linda Evans got the short end in ‘Mitchell’ – if you catch my drift… nudge, nudge.
I’ll see myself out.
How about Lena from “Parts: the Clonus Horror”? A random encounter on a bike path eventually leads to her getting lobotomized for something she doesn’t even know happened (she never finds out Richard stole the tape that exposes Clonus). Plus, there are some scenes that got cut for time that show her getting browbeaten by Professor Darren and Dr. Super Mario Brother and a disturbing dream sequence where we see her actually getting the lobotomy. I think it’s supposed to parallel the “I like mittens!” shot on the tape Richard steals, but believe me, it’s good old-fashioned nightmare fuel.
Russell Johnson in This Island Earth. Always hard to watch.
The cat that got roasted in Merlin’s Shop sure got a raw deal, even if it he got cooked.
Speaking of which, the human sacrifice girl at the funeral for the dead prince in Viking Women vs the Sea Serpent probably didn’t volunteer for the task.
brings a whole new meaning to the blood of Uranus.
no but he did die later.
You win this thread, bartcow.
The first mate in The Killer Shrews. Sadly, his expertise in “Dixieland Jazz” was no use to him as he was attacked and killed by shrews after being left alone with the boat while all the white people took refuge in the mad doctor’s house.
i think i something subliminal in that.
The only thing worse than Merlin’s roasted cat or the Viking sacrificial girl, would be the sacrificial cat, handed over to the aliens in “12 to the Moon”.
Come to think of it, MOST of the animals on the ship looked like they knew they were in for something they hadn’t signed up for.
Coily the Spring Sprite. he waited for all eternity for the wish and then he backs out.
Coily’s victim got a pretty raw deal too. All he did was make one little comment in a moment of frustration, a comment that he surely did not intend to be taken seriously. So what happens? He gets visited by a demented, if not outright demonic, spright, who subjects him to the hellish world of “No springs!” until he begs to have order restored to the world. The trauma turns him into fanatic, annoying his friends with his evangelical preaching of the gospel of springs.
The short ends there, but it’s clear that the poor guy would eventually drive away all his friends and family, and probably winds up homeless, wandering the streets wearing a tinfoil hat, ranting and muttering non-stop about springs.
Mike from The Thing that Couldn’t Die was only a pawn in game of life. He didn’t deserve to be possessed by an evil head. And his hands were strong. And he could dig really square holes. Poor guy.
The dog in The Deadly Bees is another sad animal casualty of a bad movie. And if his meat wasn’t cooked he got a doubly raw deal.
The ingredients in Johnny Longbone’s stew. They did nothing to deserve being turned in to a stew. Or did they?
Thanks for removing the time limit on editing our posts.
That is an amazing project. Well done!
The girl in the opening of “The Beast of Yucca Flats”? She was minding her own business in her motel room, then gets strangled and (probably) raped for no apparent reason and with no subsequent effect on the plot. Of course everything in “The Beast of Yucca Flats” happens for no apparent reason and with no subsequent effect on the plot, so maybe she could be considered lucky that she got out of that movie with so little suffering.
the fans when it comes to the movies that wont be on DVD.