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Frank’s New Book Is Out Today

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17 Replies to “Frank’s New Book Is Out Today”

  1. jay
    Ignored
    says:

    What the world needs now, is Cheese, sweet Cheese. It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.

       13 likes

  2. The Original EricJ
    Ignored
    says:

    It’s good stuff, from the excerpts on Amazon.
    Just don’t have the heart to tell him Hollywood stopped buying spec scripts seven years ago, and that’s why it’s been franchises ever since. :(

       3 likes

  3. Scott Strong
    Ignored
    says:

    The Original EricJ:
    It’s good stuff, from the excerpts on Amazon.Just don’t have the heart to tell him Hollywood stopped buying spec scripts seven years ago, and that’s why it’s been franchises ever since. :(

    The originality left Hollywood long before that. It’s been reboots, comic book crap, and franchises since. And sometimes all of them at once.

       14 likes

  4. touches no one's life, then leaves
    Ignored
    says:

    Is there any sort of widely recognized definition of exactly what “cheese” means in this context? We’ve heard “send him cheesy movies” thousands of times but WHAT DOES IT MEAN?! Anyone? Thanks.

       2 likes

  5. jay
    Ignored
    says:

    touches no one’s life, then leaves:
    Is there any sort of widely recognized definition of exactly what “cheese” means in this context? We’ve heard “send him cheesy movies” thousands of times but WHAT DOES IT MEAN?! Anyone? Thanks.

    Cheesy-

    In the upper midwestern parlance “cheesy” refers to anything that lacks credible effort, authentic quality, or ingenuine emotions. A large (fake) gold chain on an exposed chest (male) is cheesy. Fake Elvises in Las Vegas are cheesy (unless they are jumping out of airplanes). A movie that presents itself as a genuine attempt at cinematic creativity, but is really just a cheap knockoff is cheesy. Kraft Velveeta, on the other hand, is a required ingredient in “hot dishes” from Eau Claire to Bismarck which is a completely kind of cheesy.

    PS – All Ole And Lena jokes are, by definition, cheesy as is this entire response. heh-heh

       7 likes

  6. Mr. Krasker
    Ignored
    says:

    Cheese, while being made (and in many cases after it’s made) tends to be quite malodorous. As the Idiot Control singer once said, “It Stinks!”

       2 likes

  7. Jeremy Zharkov
    Ignored
    says:

    Shouldn’t Bill be writing this book? I don’t think Frank actually has done any movie scripts while Bill has “Meet Dave” which is yet another one of those Eddie Murphy movies you wonder how was made because the premise is so awful.

    How to Write for Terrible TV Shows (besides MST3K that is) is another story.

       0 likes

  8. fatbarkeep
    Ignored
    says:

    Ah,yes, the golden age of Hollywood-Long-Ago when there were no franchises…
    Abbott and Costello
    Sherlock Holmes
    The Thin Man
    The Bowery Boys
    Boston Blackie
    The Marx Brothers
    …back when there were no re-boots…
    James Bond
    …back when talented people wore the suits.

    “The good old days weren’t always good and tomorrow ain’t as bad as it seems.”

    You write a new, original movie. I’m bitter.

       16 likes

  9. Kenneth Morgan
    Ignored
    says:

    Contrary to popular belief, the entertainment industry does, indeed, follow a Biblical principle:
    “The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.” (Ecc. 1:9 KJV)

       11 likes

  10. touches no one's life, then leaves
    Ignored
    says:

    jay: Cheesy-
    In the upper midwestern parlance “cheesy” refers to anything that lacks credible effort, authentic quality, or ingenuine emotions.A large (fake) gold chain on an exposed chest (male) is cheesy.Fake Elvises in Las Vegas are cheesy (unless they are jumping out of airplanes).A movie that presents itself as a genuine attempt at cinematic creativity, but is really just a cheap knockoff is cheesy.Kraft Velveeta, on the other hand, is a required ingredient in “hot dishes” from Eau Claire to Bismarck which is a completely kind of cheesy.

    PS –All Ole And Lena jokes are, by definition, cheesy as is this entire response.heh-heh

    Thanks. Is a cheap knockoff that makes no pretense at being anything but a cheap knockoff also cheesy? ;-)

       4 likes

  11. The Original EricJ
    Ignored
    says:

    Scott Strong: The originality left Hollywood long before that. It’s been reboots, comic book crap, and franchises since. And sometimes all of them at once.

    Well, specifically it’s because of the ’08 Writer’s Strike, which regulated new royalty/credit rules for Blu-ray and Digital–Which was the last straw for studios, pricing themselves out of a market already looking for a way out after the Famous Screenwriter Bidding-War Bubble of the early 90’s, that gave us “Basic Instinct”, “Prince of Thieves” and “Cutthroat Island”.

    And when Warner found themselves spoiled with riches in ’01, with three to seven years of serial built-in-sequel Harry Potter and Tolkien movies that had already been written, and were set up to deliver one a year by the clock…

    touches no one’s life, then leaves:
    Is there any sort of widely recognized definition of exactly what “cheese” means in this context? We’ve heard “send him cheesy movies” thousands of times but WHAT DOES IT MEAN?! Anyone? Thanks.

    Frank’s just….used to putting MST3K fan-callbacks on his book titles, since he knows he’s not really a household name anywhere else.

    Don’t think he’s actually telling us how to write CHEESY movies–ie. the script structure for found-footage exorcism thrillers, global CGI disasters or stolen-car action films–the title just had a hook to it.

       1 likes

  12. Michael Kuzmanovski
    Ignored
    says:

    Is Frank the anti-Syd Field? The bums who write those Sharknado movies could use this book.

       1 likes

  13. DavidM
    Ignored
    says:

    I’ve met Frank, and he’s a very hateful and vile person, so I can’t say I’ll be purchasing this book.

       2 likes

  14. jay
    Ignored
    says:

    DavidM:
    I’ve met Frank, and he’s a very hateful and vile person, so I can’t say I’ll be purchasing this book.

    Those are strong terms I have never heard applied to Frank Conniff before. Will you elucidate? Perhaps an attempt at humor?

       5 likes

  15. Numanoid
    Ignored
    says:

    Michael Kuzmanovski:
    Is Frank the anti-Syd Field? The bums who write those Sharknado movies could use this book.

    Frank was on Gilbert Gottfried’s podcast recently and said that this book was indeed a parody of Syd Field’s books.

    I highly recommend giving the podcast a listen. Lots of interesting info from Frank, and (surprisingly) no politics.

       0 likes

  16. Numanoid
    Ignored
    says:

    DavidM:
    I’ve met Frank, and he’s a very hateful and vile person, so I can’t say I’ll be purchasing this book.

    I have also met Frank, and seem him interact with many others up close (and this was in his private time, not a paid appearance), and he was warm and extremely polite (if a little shy).

       1 likes

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