So i was watching “The Girl in Lovers’ Lane” and the Mads had evil baseball promotion night ideas. I was thinking what would your evil baseball (and will include other sports) promotional night ideas? Mine are: free coffee drink with a shot of ipecac night, free asbestos night and — an oldie but a goodie — 10 cent beer and disco demolition night.
I am old enough to remember bat day (every kid was given an actual regulation wooden bat) at Connie Mack Stadium. My two brothers and I behaved ourselves but I kind of doubt today’s kids would…
What’s your idea?
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Seventh Planet Night — This night is dedicated to Uranus.
Sponsored by Anusol.
Empire Today Flooring sponsors Steep Carpeted Stairs Night! 100th person to break their tailbone gets a free beer and complimentary hospital pudding.
[Did I break my tailbone tonight? No. Did I get a harsh bruise on my ass? Yes.]
Upsetting Shorts Night.
First 1000 kids with upsetting shorts get to run the bases being chased by Krankor, who’s weapons will be ineffective against them.
BASEBALL A GO-GO –
It’s the top of the ninth and still no score. The batter is 3-1 and his bat is ready to deliver a mighty blow when the stadium lights dim and the announcer quietly says (you guessed it) “Ladies and Gentlemen. THERE WAS NO GAME.”
Please don’t throw things on the field.
In other words, Watch Out for Snakes night!!! Can’t miss!
The Good and the Beautiful Night
Free picture of Anna Nicole Smith with purchase of Nut Goodie; Tawny Kitaen with sauerbraten; Tiffani Amber Thiessen with Eggs Florentine.
Your Area and You Night: select concession stands offer the Buffalo Shot: Buffalo wings and a shot of your favorite liquor. Buffalo shot cam on the message boards. Everyone sings “Toobular Boobular Joy” during the seventh inning stretch. Surprise Ratchet Up the Repulsion moments throughout the game.
Shout-outs to everyone who’s posted so far. All these ideas are great!
A season-long series: Every Homestand Has a Monster Nights! Along with the obvious souvenirs, bobble-heads, chatchkas, caps, tees, etc., the following promos:
Killer Shrew Night: all-you-can-drink hard liquor, shrew costumes in team colors to put on your dog.
Giant Gila Monster Night: pre-game teen hop, “And the Lord Said Laugh” at the 7th-inn. stretch, specials on sodee-pop with reverse chugging contests, all fans encouraged to Sing Whenever They Sing.
Giant Spider Night: free samples of Auntie Crow’s Spicy Earthversus Soup, spider-filled geodes to the first 10,000 fans, burgers made from Dutch’s tainted beef, bobbleheads of Dan Kester in stained red long johns, actresses screaming from the void on the jumbotron when home team scores.
Other ideas?
First Spaceship On Venus Night: Fans receive a saggy diaper filled with black sludge.
Blood Beast Night: First 1000 fans receive a bottle of kerosine and a flare gun, then are encouraged to target the mascot.
“but there was no baseball game to have an evil promotion…”
Lord help me . . . I’m in the middle of compiling an all-MST3K baseball team, and now we have the perfect mascot: the blood beast! The team can have specials on shrimp dishes throughout the season . . .
Poop night: oh wait, never mind.
The Room night: Anyone with an unintelligible Eastern European accent gets a free football to toss around. Guys who find out their girlfriend and best friend have been sleeping together will be given a gun with a single round to shoot themselves with.
Bataan Memorial Death March Around the Bases sponsored by Menards.
Its a Death March of savings at Menards.
Mitchell night.
everyone over 21 gets free Baby Oil and Beer.
just finish off the last one, after the visiting team hits a home run, the fans all stand up and yell ‘it stinks’ as the batter crosses the plate.
Open your fly night! (come on, I mean you just catch flies in a jar, put holes in it you’re not crazy, and bring them to release in an amazing swarm of buggy clouds!! do this while the organist plays the Barugon theme so the big guy will arrive and tongue all those suckers away, then Gamera comes to defeat barugon because he’s a friend to all children!! … except girls!! It’s a spectacle!!)
NASA Night! Free samples of hypergolic fuel!
Make It Big Night! Any fan who brings a tarantula, leech, ant, gila monster, or grasshopper to the game, can have it subjected to radiation. Then watch as it grows to enormous proportions — just like in the movies!
Delta Knight Night! Free urine-filled pots ready for flinging! Stay for the fireworks after the game, as priceless antiquities are blown to smithereens!
“I am old enough to remember bat day (every kid was given an actual regulation wooden bat) at Connie Mack Stadium. My two brothers and I behaved ourselves but I kind of doubt today’s kids would…”
I think bat night is long gone. Approximately 1979 the Texas Rangers converted to “Silent Bat Night.” The regular fans had had enough of kids banging the bats on the back of the seats all night, so kids got a coupon that they could trade in for a bat the next day at a sporting goods store.
And Dr. Phibes playing “Charge!” on the stadium organ!
Miami marlins night you get a free ticket to see the marlins, or we can have the unhappy meal night that comes with a half eaten cold cheeseburger.
‘Bullets & Bourbon Nite.’ Brought to you by Jack Daniels and the N.R.A.
German Industrial Music Night: Patrons who actually like Rammstein get in free.
Suicide Night: Most creative or interesting suicide has funeral expenses paid.
Inquisition Night: Free hot dog for the first Inquisitor to get a confession. Free hospital stay for last subject to hold out under questioning.
Leatherface Night: Those wearing a human skin mask get in free and are given a straight jacket.
Sorry, late to the party, but….
Hamdinger Night!
Just to be pedantic: they are a rock band, they aren’t industrial. Industrial also emerged from the UK and Chicago (Wax Trax Recods), it’s not really German. The only really notable German industrial groups is Einstürzende Neubauten
PEDANT NIGHT AT THE BALL PARK!
Enjoy special seating in the line drive target sections if you can and repeatedly do demonstrate expertise in one or more extremely esoteric areas of knowledge. Extra points on your snack bar account if you use the word esoteric.
(Mea culpa as well, Jeremy. In fact, Robert Culpa)
It’s Hugo Ham night. The first 10,000 fans get humiliated by the public address announcer who calls them “ugly dummies” followed by all the Ham, Sawdust and wine they can consume.
Jeremy: I hope your knowledge of music history didn’t ruin the beginning of the rifftrack for XXX for you when the riffers are complaining about Rammstein playing at the opening and saying that “starting a movie with German Industrial Music is like going to a party and getting a bucket of sheet metal screws dumped on your head”. Shortly thereafter when Samuel Jackson is describing a list he has of the sort of lowlife cretins they need to infiltrate the bad anarchists, the riffers add, “and they actually like Rammstein”. Being a Rammstein fan myself the whole thing cracks me up.
Beatnik Night: Discount for patrons sporting a goatee, beret, black turtleneck, and some shades.
Beat Nick Night: Anyone at the game named Nicholas gets beaten up.
Sometimes the above two events are combined in to Beatnik Beat Nick Night.
Hellraiser Night: Anyone who can solve the puzzle box gets numerous free piercings.
Plus, get a free Pedant Pendant!
Those pendants could be become pedalable for some real payola if the team wins the (wait for it) pennant.
True story… some guy once said to me, “I don’t mean to seem pendantic…”
This WDT was fun, but I don’t think anyone (not even me!) came up with anything more evil and hurtful than “Slide Whistle and Brass Knuckles Night.” The first 10,000 innocent kids are in for a night of real misery here. It’s stands well above the competition. Sometimes you can only grovel before the masters.