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Weekend Discussion Thread: Favorite Drug Riffs

Our pal Timmy suggests:

Before I start my idea for this weekends topic, I (via my lawyers at Dewey, Cheatem & Howe) neither agree nor disagree of taking of drugs.
Anyway, I recorded on my DVR (and am finally watching it) Woodstock documentary film from 1970 and this was said — and it was riffed on during the show’s original run:

I was thinking: what is your favorite drug riff? I always found that riff funny. What are yours?

Three words: “Trails…beautiful trails…”

You?

90 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Favorite Drug Riffs”

  1. Torgover says:

    bartcow: What exactly is your goal here? How can you be so inept at reading the room? What is your purpose? What do you hope to accomplish? I mean, I’ve made it my life’s mission to belittle and berate you at my leisure (it was the Bruce J. Mitchell obit that finally gave me that clarity of purpose, by the way–congratulations!). Seriously, **** off already.

    He’s a troll. Their goal is to cause dissent and chaos, since its the only way they have meaning in their sad lives. Since Sampo/Erhardt don’t want to ban him, then you just ignore him. Constantly derailing threads while you spew vitriol at someone who gets his jollies off of it doesn’t help things.

       12 likes

  2. Yeti of Great Danger says:

    bartcow: Sweet Jesus. You know that you’re singlelhandedly responsible for any uptick in sales to RT by simple virtue of the fact that people support them just to spite you? What exactly is your goal here? How can you be so inept at reading the room? What is your purpose? What do you hope to accomplish? I mean, I’ve made it my life’s mission to belittle and berate you at my leisure (it was the Bruce J. Mitchell obit that finally gave me that clarity of purpose, by the way–congratulations!). Seriously, **** off already.

    Sad little men and fussy toddlers find negative attention better than no attention at all. That’s why he does it. Thank goodness for everyone else here!

       12 likes

  3. I despise drug humor; that being said, I do find the whole “chemical wonderland” string in Johnny at the Fair to be funny.

       2 likes

  4. Mr. Sack says:

    The Original EricJ:
    Or just a few more dozen riffs of Star Wars Holiday Special, especially since we don’t remember the last one too clearly?;)

    Hey, I LIKE the Star Wars Holiday Special riffs!

       13 likes

  5. mando3b says:

    jay:
    You know, for the life of me I cannot think of a single ANTI DRUG riff in all of MSTdom.Surely there must have been some and don’t call me Shirley.

    Nothing overt, but the riffs hardly promote the use of drugs: given the movies, characters and situations most of the riffs refer to, they fairly scream out “nope, nothing glamorous about drugs here” (kind of like those old anti-smoking posters).
    Speaking of which, I’m surprised no one has mentioned the scene in “Laserblast” when the California redneck sheriffs are smoking dope: “Duhh, did you know that Haile Salassi is God?”, “Oh, great, now you’re getting horny”, etc.

       6 likes

  6. bartcow says:

    Torgover: He’s a troll. Their goal is to cause dissent and chaos, since its the only way they have meaning in their sad lives. Since Sampo/Erhardt don’t want to ban him, then you just ignore him.Constantly derailing threads while you spew vitriol at someone who gets his jollies off of it doesn’t help things.

    Except trolls do it for the lulz. He really believes the garbage he’s spewing, which is somehow even sadder (yes, I’ve scanned his blog). I used to pity/ignore him, but I thought I might find some amusement by seeing if he can take it as easily as he dishes it out (and judging by his silence every time I bother to ask him a direct question, my guess is “no”). Yes, I know that’s turned me into a version of a troll, but we all become what we hate eventually, right?

       6 likes

  7. goalieboy82 says:

    while watching Woodstock, i thought, this is one of those films (and music) you had to have been around for to understand the music (while its good music) the film is a little boring. Sampo, what was your take of the time, music wise (since you are in your early 60’s).

       0 likes

  8. FredBurroughs says:

    Scott Armstrong:
    Can’t beat Frank in the opening to The Violent Years

    “You wake and bake every day. You are so high…..”

    Before Dr.F cuts him off. Cracks me up every time.

    This is a good one, but it is actually from The Skydivers.

    Not exactly a riff, but in host segment 2 of Final Justice the constantly repeated phrase “Mike’s tripping!” always made me wonder… especially since after the last “Mike’s tripping”, Tom says “I’ll say”.
    Also the “Stony” tv.

       2 likes

  9. The Great Crowdini says:

    In “Attack of the Giant Leeches”, as Cal and Liz run from her gun toting husband, they run into a highly leafy area of the woods.

    Joel: “Man, look at all the weed! Where are they, Tommy Chong’s backyard?”

       3 likes

  10. mando3b says:

    The Great Crowdini:
    In “Attack of the Giant Leeches”, as Cal and Liz run from her gun toting husband, they run into a highly leafy area of the woods.

    Joel: “Man, look at all the weed! Where are they, Tommy Chong’s backyard?”

    And that’s like the riff in Colossus & the Headhunters, when Mycheesestake is leading the refugees away from the camp into the woods: “Huh, lookit all the pot!”

       2 likes

  11. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    bartcow: Except trolls do it for the lulz. He really believes the garbage he’s spewing, which is somehow even sadder

    Is it sadder still that he apparently expects us to, uh, CARE about his opinion?

    Or maybe he only comes in here because he KNOWS he’s aggravating people in here. I have plenty of opinions but I don’t usually get all intrusive about sharing them. When I’m annoying someone and I realize it, I STOP.

       6 likes

  12. GareChicago says:

    Torque the Dorque:
    Mr. Krasker & The Original EricJ

    It is obvious to the rest of us that you are in LOVE with each other and don’t know how to express it.

    Please take your issues to Dr. Phil and stop harshen the buzz for the rest (or Many) of us.

    Horse crotch.

    Krasker is doing us all a public service by saying what many people are thinking. Oh, it’s true.

    Eric is just a weenie.

    Gare

       6 likes

  13. GareChicago says:

    mando3b: And in between, when Jeffery gets the order to rewrite the melody and slinks to his piano: “And me completely outta blow!” And then lights his first of 50 cigarettes: “‘Scuse me while I light my spleef . . . ”

    And after they leave for their honeymoon, Wilbur materializes at the piano and they riff “Now for a little peck-erino…”

    Gare

       5 likes

  14. GareChicago says:

    bartcow: Sweet Jesus. You know that you’re singlelhandedly responsible for any uptick in sales to RT by simple virtue of the fact that people support them just to spite you? What exactly is your goal here? How can you be so inept at reading the room? What is your purpose? What do you hope to accomplish? I mean, I’ve made it my life’s mission to belittle and berate you at my leisure (it was the Bruce J. Mitchell obit that finally gave me that clarity of purpose, by the way–congratulations!). Seriously, **** off already.

    Hear f*cking hear.

    Gare

       6 likes

  15. GareChicago says:

    Gosh, so many, just off the top of my head…

    “But Ilya’s son did bring dis-honor. He traded the sword for a lid and got high in the castle.”
    – The Sword and the Dragon

    “Don’t take the brown acid.”
    “I don’t get it.”
    “Neither do we, Gypsy.”
    – Hercules and the Captive Women

    “Cal and Exter wake and bake every day!”
    Also:
    “I *am* Metaluna..”
    – This Island Earth

    “When Judy Garland died it destroyed Puerto Rico’s economy”
    – Progress Island USA

    That’s just what crossed my mind. There are approximately 8 billion more.

    Gare

       5 likes

  16. radioman970 says:

    Catalina Caper ….

    “I think a certain teen idol is hopped up on goofballs! ”

    Little Richard

       5 likes

  17. Ray Dunakin says:

    GareChicago:

    “But Ilya’s son did bring dis-honor. He traded the sword for a lid and got high in the castle.” –The Sword and the Dragon

    That’s my favorite!

       2 likes

  18. fireballil says:

    I forget which episode it was, but in one Mike said, ‘The horse is on the horse.’

       2 likes

  19. Kenneth Morgan says:

    fireballil:
    I forget which episode it was, but in one Mike said, ‘The horse is on the horse.’

    It was “Deadly Bees”.

       3 likes

  20. Torgover says:

    I picture bartcow and GareChicago holding their ears and closing their eyes when they see anybody tell them to ignore the troll. Just keep giving Eric his jollies and derailing threads. It’s so enjoyable for everyone, here.

       1 likes

  21. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    (stuff about drugs just isn’t occurring to me; sorry)

    bartcow: we all become what we hate eventually, right?

    Which is why it’s bad to hate. Right?

    On a separate note, the fact that Trace, Frank, and even JOEL HIMSELF have participated in Rifftrax (but not Josh, what’s THAT about?) offers the paradox of Rifftrax being good enough for THEM yet not good enough for their supposed number-one fan…

       10 likes

  22. bartcow says:

    Torgover:
    I picture bartcow and GareChicago holding their ears and closing their eyes when they see anybody tell them to ignore the troll.Just keep giving Eric his jollies and derailing threads. It’s so enjoyable for everyone, here.

    If he was truly a troll, I’d ignore him. The fact that he never answers my questions proves that (trolls just keep going and going and going in the same thread). I’ve tried to engage civilly with him early on (when I though he might have part of a good point buried in the middle of all the tone-deaf screeching), but again, he only answers the questions he thinks he hears. He’s a self-important blowhard, which I can ignore, but he’s also belittled other members of this community, and has been outright hateful at least a few times.

    I took a break from this site for a month earlier this year, but then I decided I wasn’t going to let some asshat chase ME off. So then I went back to just scrolling past his easily identifiable turd missives. And then Bruce J. Mitchell died, and I snapped. Now I refuse to let any of his poorly-researched deluded “truths” sit without calling bull**** on them, and when he gets to snarky, I go into bully mode. It’s not pretty, and I’m mildly ashamed of some of the things I’ve said and done, but if he ever responds to me like a normal human and not some Masshole (oh, yes, he lives in Massachusetts), then maybe we can all come to terms.

    Hey look! I derailed again! Thanks for the inspiration!

       6 likes

  23. GareChicago says:

    Torgover:
    I picture bartcow and GareChicago holding their ears and closing their eyes when they see anybody tell them to ignore the troll.Just keep giving Eric his jollies and derailing threads. It’s so enjoyable for everyone, here.

    Nonsense. He’s not just a troll – he’s a blight upon this entire community, and has been for a long time.

    Just as you encourage me to ignore him (I won’t), you could ignore me (you won’t).

    Gare

       2 likes

  24. I don’t remember which episode, but Joel saying “Somebody’s hopped up on goofballs”. The expression itself is silly, but Joel mockingly saying it was even sillier

    You actually run into that phrase on 1960s TV shows

       0 likes

  25. Lisa H. says:

    Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, when Dropo takes a bunch of food pills trying to fatten himself up to play Santa – “Bennies. Dexies. X.”

       3 likes

  26. Cornjob says:

    The rifftrax version of Reefer Madness obviously has lots of pot jokes. One of the best is near the beginning when the effects of smoking marijuana are listed and Mike comments that they sound more like the effects of being hit by a train. I also like the theme song they do for it where a young man is trying to blame his terrible decision making on weed and the judge declares, “It is the opinion of this magistrate that you have failed to demonstrate the common sense that God gave cottage cheese.”

       8 likes

  27. GareChicago says:

    Just happened to watch “Hercules”:

    Crow – “Whatever happened to these guys?”

    Joel – “I don’t know, it’s kind of inconclusive…”

    Tom – “Oh, I know: Y’see, Hercules got a job as a prep cook for a while, but he got fired for tokin’ up on the job. And he said it was just because the manager “didn’t like the Greeks”. And Iole did data-entry at FingerHut.”

    Gare

       3 likes

  28. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Shouldn’t “The Simpsons” have prompted at least one riff about a Space Coyote by now? Oh well.

    In “The Mole People,” Bentley(Agar), while forlornly toying with his empty pipe (no tobacco in Sumeria, the world has Native Americans to thank for that one), asks Bellamin(Beaumont) “You ever hear of anybody smoking dried mushrooms?” IIRC the only reaction was Crow saying in a sort-of stoned voice “Sure!” but the fact that Bentley asks the question as if it’s a ridiculous one (and that Bellamin reacts as if he can’t quite believe he heard Bentley correctly) when it’s in fact the kind of thing people do all the time arguably makes the line a joke in itself. Maybe. I guess.

    So if Bentley had stayed around, I suppose there’d have eventually been a scene where he’s desperately searching the city for anything remotely like tobacco, kind of like in that episode of “Family Ties” where Tom Hanks’s character is desperately searching the Keaton kitchen for anything remotely alcoholic.

       1 likes

  29. Kenneth Morgan says:

    Jeremy Zharkov:
    I don’t remember which episode, but Joel saying “Somebody’s hopped up on goofballs”. The expression itself is silly, but Joel mockingly saying it was even sillier

    You actually run into that phrase on 1960s TV shows

    And during the host seg in “Lost Continent” featuring “The Explorers”, the ‘bots (as the natives) say that Joel, himself, is hopped up on goofballs. That’s before Joel accuses Tom of killing Michael Sarrazin.

       1 likes

  30. GareChicago says:

    Ray Dunakin: That’s my favorite!

    Also one of my top 5 episodes. It’s seriously under-rated. And it has Mike, so you-know-who instantly hates it.

    Gare

       3 likes

  31. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    GareChicago: Also one of my top 5 episodes. It’s seriously under-rated. And it has Mike, so you-know-who instantly hates it.

    Gare

    Is it interesting that he’s so focused on the guy who LEFT THE SHOW yet so opposed to the guy who STAYED ON TO THE VERY END? It’s kind of like fixating on the biological father who left his family to the detriment of the stepfather. Kind of.

       5 likes

  32. Lawgiver says:

    Can’t think of any drug riffs offhand, but has there ever been a weekend discussion thread on favorite alcohol riffs?

       1 likes

  33. Cornjob says:

    From The Home Economics Story:
    “Something was different today”

    “She’d been eating cubes of Mescaline Jello.”

    From Samson vs. the Vampire Women:
    “This party’s boring. Let’s break out the Peyote.”

       2 likes

  34. Ray Dunakin says:

    I just remembered a good one:

    “Aaa! I’m having a freak out up to twelve years later!”

       3 likes

  35. Johnny Drama says:

    touches no one’s life, then leaves: Is it interesting that he’s so focused on the guy who LEFT THE SHOW yet so opposed to the guy who STAYED ON TO THE VERY END? It’s kind of like fixating on the biological father who left his family to the detriment of the stepfather. Kind of.

    I view it more as nice dad left an abusive relationship, and somehow lost custody, leaving the “kid” with an alcoholic stepfather. Now, after many years have passed and the bad blood behind them, the dad reconnects with the “child.” ymmv

       2 likes

  36. Kenneth Morgan: And during the host seg in “Lost Continent” featuring “The Explorers”, the ‘bots (as the natives) say that Joel, himself, is hopped up on goofballs.That’s before Joel accuses Tom of killing Michael Sarrazin.

    I believe Joel riffed that line in Catalina Caper. Little Richard had a quick close up and he definitely appeared amped up. Could be wrong though.

       0 likes

  37. GareChicago says:

    Johnny Drama: I view it more as nice dad left an abusive relationship, and somehow lost custody, leaving the “kid” with an alcoholic stepfather. Now, after many years have passed and the bad blood behind them, the dad reconnects with the “child.” ymmv

    You guys are much more insightful and kind-hearted than I am.

    I just think he’s a dickweed.

    Gare

       1 likes

  38. Johnny Drama says:

    GareChicago: You guys are much more insightful and kind-hearted than I am.

    I just think he’s a dickweed.

    Gare

    I was referring to MST3K in general, not a specific user here lol

       1 likes

  39. Sidehackers – yeahhh pick me up a dime bag of those *cough* shoes. Colombian Shoes.

       1 likes

  40. Torgover says:

    bartcow: If he was truly a troll, I’d ignore him. The fact that he never answers my questions proves that (trolls just keep going and going and going in the same thread). I’ve tried to engage civilly with him early on (when I though he might have part of a good point buried in the middle of all the tone-deaf screeching), but again, he only answers the questions he thinks he hears. He’s a self-important blowhard, which I can ignore, but he’s also belittled other members of this community, and has been outright hateful at least a few times.

    I took a break from this site for a month earlier this year, but then I decided I wasn’t going to let some asshat chase ME off. So then I went back to just scrolling past his easily identifiable turd missives. And then Bruce J. Mitchell died, and I snapped. Now I refuse to let any of his poorly-researched deluded “truths” sit without calling bull**** on them, and when he gets to snarky, I go into bully mode. It’s not pretty, and I’m mildly ashamed of some of the things I’ve said and done, but if he ever responds to me like a normal human and not some Masshole (oh, yes, he lives in Massachusetts), then maybe we can all come to terms.

    Hey look! I derailed again! Thanks for the inspiration!

    Just because the troll believes what he says doesn’t make him any less of a troll. He still knowingly goes here and disrupts, which you willingly feed. He wouldn’t keep coming back and doing the same thing. He gets his jollies out of seeing people get irate at him, which you and Gare feed.

       3 likes

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