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Goodbye Sci-Fi

Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett reflect on MST3K's final broadcast.

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Weekend Discussion Thread: A Riff on Your Tombstone

Alert reader Cornjob suggests:

How about “What riff would you like on your
tombstone?” My own would be “Well, that could have
gone better,” followed by “Stop being full of worms
you idiot”.

Oh, this is going to cost a fortune, but I picked this many years ago: “I’ve undergone a complex personal evolution wherein painful confusion has given way to what I like to think of as some degree of wisdom, culminating in my current Zarasthustrian sense of self. Is that it?”

Your pick?

111 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: A Riff on Your Tombstone”

  1. Cornjob
    Ignored
    says:

    “I don’t care”

       9 likes

  2. The Original EricJ
    Ignored
    says:

    What, nobody’s claimed THE obvious Pod People line yet? Then I claim it by right:

    “He died as he lived….With his mouth wide open.”

    (And darn proud of it, too.) :)

    Although in reality, I’d probably go for some Pink Floyd line, like “Wish you were here”.

       5 likes

  3. Cornjob
    Ignored
    says:

    “It Stinks!”

       8 likes

  4. fatbarkeep
    Ignored
    says:

    “The Master would not approve this tombstone.”

       4 likes

  5. fatbarkeep
    Ignored
    says:

    “He finally got Beyond Thunderdome.”

       10 likes

  6. Dr. Batch
    Ignored
    says:

    Not a riff, but…

    Keep Circulating The Tapes.

       10 likes

  7. jay
    Ignored
    says:

    Turns out it really was to die for.

       5 likes

  8. antiseptic manor
    Ignored
    says:

    Ooh They Have Nachos!

       1 likes

  9. SmudgyTheBootblack
    Ignored
    says:

    From Escape 2000: “He Died As He Died – DEAD”

       5 likes

  10. Watch-out-for-Snakes
    Ignored
    says:

    WATCH OUT FOR SNAKES!

       10 likes

  11. eegah
    Ignored
    says:

    “He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature… and because of it, the greatest in the universe. He learned too late for himself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can’t be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection… they find only death… fire… loss… disillusionment… the end of everything that’s gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can’t be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself.”

       12 likes

  12. mando3b
    Ignored
    says:

    “Now I’m gonna be the worm-face.” (Squirm)
    “If you could see my hands right now, you’d be horrified.” (Beginning of the End)
    “The … Lysol … is in … the … ” (Teenage Strangler)
    “Now I’m going to get a little bit of lunch.” (Last Clear Chance)
    “Angels work about as hard as road crews.” (Once Upon a Honeymoon)

    Besides this rich MST3K mine, my favorite potential epitaph has always been the multi-purpose “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

       7 likes

  13. Professor Gunther
    Ignored
    says:

    “Really makes you think, don’t it.”

       5 likes

  14. Blonde Russian Spy
    Ignored
    says:

    Forget the tombstone. I’d be like Lt. Lamont and just come back to work the next day.

       10 likes

  15. Kilroy
    Ignored
    says:

    It’s a cheat, but I’d have steal one of my favorite Crow lines from the movie:

    “Oh, would you look at that? ‘Breach hull, all die!’ Even had it underlined.”

       16 likes

  16. snowdog
    Ignored
    says:

    Guard. Sick man. Water.

       15 likes

  17. The Original EricJ
    Ignored
    says:

    mando3b:
    Besides this rich MST3K mine, my favorite potential epitaph has always been the multi-purpose “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

    I was hoping for the one they were thinking of for Merv Griffin:
    “Go away. He won’t be right back.”

       1 likes

  18. Cornjob
    Ignored
    says:

    “I regret nothing”

       3 likes

  19. Cornjob
    Ignored
    says:

    “Dickweeeeeeeed”

       3 likes

  20. Cornjob
    Ignored
    says:

    “He was a total load/failure”

    “I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to do something really stupid!”

       1 likes

  21. Say No To Yes
    Ignored
    says:

    “He died like a mangy dog, right on stage…”
    Spit… pause…
    “Man, I was really proud of him… Excellent death!”

       6 likes

  22. Ray Dunakin
    Ignored
    says:

    No epitaph for me. I’d just like to be found alive, well, and of normal size, somewhere else.

       18 likes

  23. Ray Dunakin
    Ignored
    says:

    Of course, if I HAD to have an epitaph, there’s the ever-popular “Killed in Vietnam”. But I think I’d rather go with this line from “Giant Gila Monster”:

    “Aw, they killed off the only likable character!”

    :)

       8 likes

  24. Ray Dunakin
    Ignored
    says:

    If someone else writes my epitaph, I hope they won’t use this line from “Day the Earth Froze”:

    “Let us be gay, for he is a dickweed!”

       1 likes

  25. SteveWithAQ
    Ignored
    says:

    “Aaand….his eyes open!”

       8 likes

  26. Matthew Mikell
    Ignored
    says:

    “Could you back off? You smell like canned tamales.” (THE TOUCH OF SATAN)
    “Your weapons are useless against me!” (PRINCE OF SPACE)
    “The only end, my friend.” (THE SCREAMING SKULL)
    “Why don’t they look?” (RADAR SECRET SERVICE)
    “WHEN’S JELLO?” (THE DEADLY MANTIS)

       3 likes

  27. yelling_into_the_void
    Ignored
    says:

    “Oh no, that guy died, he was my favorite.”

       8 likes

  28. Endoplasmic Reticulum
    Ignored
    says:

    Body in a hole. How did it get there?

       11 likes

  29. mando3b
    Ignored
    says:

    They were right about one thing: that was an unnatural swelling.

       5 likes

  30. profhackenbush
    Ignored
    says:

    He tampered in God’s domain

       4 likes

  31. Stoneman
    Ignored
    says:

    “I’m getting squishy…”

    “Any unusual experiment can produce unusual results…”

    “And…he just ducks off the screen…Bye!”

       4 likes

  32. Mibbitmaker
    Ignored
    says:

    Ray Dunakin:
    Of course, if I HAD to have an epitaph, there’s the ever-popular “Killed in Vietnam”. But I think I’d rather go with this line from “Giant Gila Monster”:

    “Daddy… What’s Vietnam?”

    Right under my name:
    “Weird… which results in creativity”

       2 likes

  33. The Great Crowdini
    Ignored
    says:

    Here’s one from “Avalanche”:

    “She died as she lived: Completely lit up!”

    R.I.P. Giant parakeet

       3 likes

  34. mando3b
    Ignored
    says:

    “My loins will never stir again” (from Crow, in Racket Girls)

       6 likes

  35. EAG46
    Ignored
    says:

    I doubt this will pass muster with the cemetery, but I’d like: “Nobody got her. She was like the wind, baby.”

       7 likes

  36. Terry the Sensitive Knight
    Ignored
    says:

    Riff: “Should I taunt him? Nah, he’s dead!”

    Actual film dialogue: “The wisest and the best, is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful”

       2 likes

  37. Terry the Sensitive Knight
    Ignored
    says:

    or pretty much any “He died as he lived…” riff

       1 likes

  38. Terry the Sensitive Knight
    Ignored
    says:

    “We thought you were dead!”
    “And frankly, we were getting used to the idea.”

    not really an epitaph, but that always makes me laugh

    also:
    “The problem with communicating with the departed…”
    “…is that they’re dead.”

       4 likes

  39. The Great Crowdini
    Ignored
    says:

    HERE LIES
    CROW

    “Crushed by an emotional word and an enigmatic look.”

       4 likes

  40. Dr. Batch
    Ignored
    says:

    “Say goodbye to the beer for me!”

       3 likes

  41. Cornjob
    Ignored
    says:

    “The worms do play pinochle on your snout”

       2 likes

  42. Endoplasmic Reticulum
    Ignored
    says:

    “He has gone to a beautiful place where all the lackeys and toadies and whipping boys are forever safe and free from their oppressors.”

       8 likes

  43. Say No To Yes
    Ignored
    says:

    “He wasn’t much in his life as a man or a Pumaman, and now he’s worth absolutely nothing.”
    (The same as when he was alive).

       7 likes

  44. Eddie J Miller
    Ignored
    says:

    ‘What sin could a man commit in a single lifetime to bring this upon himself?’ Amazing Colossal Man. A bit dark perhaps, but very appropriate!

       9 likes

  45. Torgover
    Ignored
    says:

    “The brisket is in the—“

       1 likes

  46. bartcow
    Ignored
    says:

    All my original ones are already mentioned, so I’ll go with the inscrutable “Hum didda hee hee, hooah hooah”, or however it’s spelled.

       4 likes

  47. Torgover
    Ignored
    says:

    “How’d she get away from us? She’s dead!
    She just gave me the slip, Joe!”

       1 likes

  48. Terry the Sensitive Knight
    Ignored
    says:

    “Oh, poopie!”

       6 likes

  49. Endoplasmic Reticulum
    Ignored
    says:

    “They Just Didn’t Care”

       3 likes

  50. dakotaboy
    Ignored
    says:

    This is easy:

    “I should really just relax.”

    and the MST3K silhouette at the bottom, of course.

       4 likes

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