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Weekend Discussion Thread: Come to the Fair!Alert regular Kenneth (still waiting on that frequency, buddy) offers this:
I DO see a lot of guys that look like Torgo running the rides… Have at it! And keep those WDT ideas coming! 53 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Come to the Fair!”Commenting at Satellite News
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The Starfighters –
I see a combination of a kiddie airplane ride, bumper cars, and the tunnel of love. It would be called “THE REFUELER”.
strangely enough i never see the squeaky clean Jack Nicholson kid and his sexually frustrated girlfriend from ’21st century calling’ running around like they own the place. or is that only at Disneyland?
Mine would have:
The Incredible Melting Man Ice Cream booth.
The Gamera Turtle-Meat-On-A Stick concession.
Whack-A-Horror-Beach-Monster sodium toss game.
The Sea Creature’s Guess-Lance’s-Mood game.
Giant Gila Monster Wild Car Ride (with explosive ending).
Thanks for using my suggestion!
I can see Defender races replacing the traditional harness racing, with girlish screams of triumph by the winning driver. Over on the midway, the baseball-throwing game has been replaced with the Axe-Throwing of Justice, with anybody who tries to bring in liquor as the target. Over at the livestock barns, there’s 4-H llama petting. And, if you’re hungry, you can get deep-fried RAM chips; the booth is between the sausage & pepper stand and the Doc Holliday soda stand. And the kids love the Sidehack ride next to the bumper cars; just make sure their insurance is in order.
Oh, and in all my decades of going to the Wayne County Fair, we never had Bonnie & Clyde’s Death Car (or Fonzie’s Death Car, for that matter) on display. Back when I was a kid, once we did have Hitler’s Bullet-Proof Car, though.
And the frequency is either 1450AM or 96.5FM, depending on my location.
The Riding with Death roller coaster.
It causes extreme mellowness even if your a turkey.
‘screaming lemur’ natch. be sure to ask for that coffee to go.
Step right up! Test your strength! Are you as weak as Troy MacGregor or as strong as Godzilla?
The scale of strength.
10-Godzilla
9-Gamera
8-Glen Manning
7-Hercules
6-Ator
5-Boggy Creek Creature
4-Big Jake
3-Mitchell
2-Watney Smith
1-Troy MacGregor
The Outlaw Festival, where the easily most popular part is the dunk tank, where only Watney gets dunked for the entire length of the event.
Madam Estrella’s fortune telling booth. Free cologne samples for certain men. No Nicholas Cage lookalikes allowed, though. Oh, and for our foreign guests, she’s multilingual!
Boggy Creek Mud -Bogging
Finally, use your jeep for something other than driving to Starbucks.
The New World Boat Ride, a take on the Disney Small World ride. Here, you get to cruise along a waterway on a mini ferry boat, while animatronic teens in swimsuits dance and sing “There’s a New World” in an endless loop. Sure to be popular with masochists.
Pop at least 50 soap bubbles in under one minute using only your tongue.
And win a 1/3 scale version of The Robot Monster!
Nothing says State Fair like weird foodstuffs on a stick. Go to the Land That Time Forgot food booth for deep fried dinosaur meat on a stick. Chicken tastes just like it.
You forgot the zero result, which presumably would be Mikey.
Well, I always loved Despair Days (Giant Spider Invasion): riding the Vomit Rainbow, petting the wounded goat . . .
And you couldn’t go wrong having a fair with an Incredibly Strange, etc., etc., side show, with strippers that didn’t strip, dancers in bizarre costumes, adenoidal folkies, early ’60s-era pop songs, and as the featured act a mismatched couple doing ballroom dancing. (Guess the Gender would be a popular carnival game.) And don’t forget the booth where Old World craftsmen get your Schick back into shape!
GET YOUR TICKETS HERE!!
The “Touch of Satan” bobbing for rotting apple grandma heads booth.
Win a fish that lives in a bag.
What about the Deathstalker Renfest? The extras would be like the Warriors From Hell
Kiwanis’ extra rare chicken with sun-brewed mayonnaise.
Here in Minnesota the 4-H always has various contests (art, photography, sewing, etc.). How about an Essay Contest?
I won it this year. “My Parents and our Wonderful Farmstead” was by me, and it won. It came in first and was displayed with a blue ribbon.
Did I mention that I won the essay contest?
Bet your mom showed up totally hammered when you receiving the award. :P
I can tell it’s gonna be One of THOSE WTDs–sit down for five minutes and the ideas just keep on comin’ . . .
The Lost Continent fair, with lots & lots of rock climbing, and butt-pull races up big ladders.
Killer Shrew races, with all competitors provided by the American Kennel Association.
Phantom Planet Days, with drinking glass harp demonstrations, gravity plate fights & big white guys in jumpsuits.
Mole People Days, with lots of ropes and asses & carry-the-load races. Oh, and Whack-a-Mole-Person.
a set of over-sized ‘whack a mole’ games except instead of mole figures, each set has replicas of various MST’d movie characters.
always wanted to bludgeon Tommy Kirk, JDB or Troy from Final Sacrifice? well now you can!
***DISCLAIMER*** some of the ‘figures’ may react when you hit them. retirement hasn’t been kind to them.
As a kid you’ve waited all week through day after long, boring day in school. The fair is coming! Saturday night at sundown your parents finally take you to the fairgrounds where you are awed by the flashing lights and loudspeakers. “Oh Boy, I can’t wait to get on the Tilt-a-Whirl!” You trot along the midway looking left and right and eventually begin to notice that you’re almost at the end of the carnival lights. In the distant gloom your dazzled eyes dimly make out a sign…
BUT THERE WAS NO TILT-A-WHIRL
Gorgo tap dancing to “Mr. Bojangles.” Dorkin!!!
Trumpy’s “Stupid Things” funhouse.
Sampo:I DO see a lot of guys that look like Torgo running the rides…
Torgo is so creepy even the carney’s don’t want to work with him.
And out front, of course, the mechanical monkey from Incredibly Strange Creatures, reminding guests to “Get your tickets here, get your tickets here!”
(Leaving most of the guests wondering “…Did I just see that?”)
COILY’S BOUNCE HOUSE!
“Bouncy fun with no springs attached.”
Merlin’s Carnival of Mystical Wonders! Do you dare enter Ernest Borgnine’s House of Wimsey, filled with the most depraved and gore-drenched nightmare fuel you’ve ever seen? Ride the Rock-n-Rollercoaster Martian! Snack on Barbecued Collie. See the reporter who can destroy entire cities with a single snarky review. Knock down the average ’80s dad and win a cursed monkey doll! Fun for the whole family!
And Johnny, of course, must have everything at the fair for himself.
(Including helio-copter rides and good-looking ice skaters–Jiminy, thinks Johnny, if only I could get a ride on one of those!)
(I happen to LIKE deep-fried Snickers, thank you. Deep-fried Twinkies, however, only suggest pancakes with whipped cream.)
When in Florida, be sure to visit littleaimishboy’s Remote Island Funpark –
* play “Find Gary”
* crawl along under our luxurious converted oil drums – can YOU get to the beach before being bitten by our adorable killer shrews?
* enjoy a visit to Dr Belleau’s Trophy Room
* and don’t miss Vicki Robbins, singing for you at the Remote Island Funpark Casino and Apiary!
The State Fair for MST3Ked movies is being held this year at the State Park. Movie riffers are being asked to tread lightly…
don’t forget the ‘chemical wonderland’ and the tank o’ bass.
I think this one wins the WDT…an elegant pun, simply beautiful!
SummerFest 2019
Get your tickets here – Ask yourself if you just saw that.
Ogle the Disco Fever dancers
Head on over to the Bouncy Castle of Fu Manchu. Bounce ’til you puke.
Ride the Side Hacker. Skin your rump.
See the Little Richard tribute band Big Richard perform Scuba Party on the side stage.
Visit Johnny Longbone’s Chili Stand and grab a bowl of chili. Ask what’s in it. Find out later in the port o john.
Time for one more ride – The Phantom Creeps Out of Control Plane Ride
Marvel at Ross Hagen being stretched to the limit by two ATV’s
As you leave SummerFest 2019, the sounds of “I wanna be Happy Today” can be heard in the distance. You can’t get away fast enough.
Ortega hands you a half price coupon for the final weekend. It’s all greasy and stuff.
Johnny of course has branched out into chili…
Edit. I know my Longbone folklore.
There HAS to be a band playing California Woman and “Idiot Control Now”
Riffs I don’t know how to incorporate into a proper post:
Musty Carnies drunk by 10 a.m.
It’s the Man-in-the-Hat Exhibit.
Pickles pack the stands for the Pickle Races.
All your favorite Carny characters, complete with custom vehicles and accessories.
The Untamed Youth Fair –
All the “carnies” are supplied by a convict work farm. Mamie Van Doren is given the job of running the Li’l Teacup ride. Men are lined up to the parking lot to ride.
X Marks The Spot Bumper Cars
At the entrance, a bumpy angel graduate reminds you, “The hypotenuse of a triangle in traffic is the shortest route to the hospital!”
The course is set up to look like 1940s suburban New Jersey, complete with slow pedestrians (animatronic and smashable) , ball clutching kids (also smashable) and, of course, that smell.
Overhead, a godlike voice reminds you of timely vehicle inspections and to present all coupons before entering.
Oh, and all the bumper cars have suicude doors!
When you finish the ride, you are made to stand in ticking clock room until a group of qualified peers decides you can go.
Maybe some of you will find this fun.
I know some robots who will.
It’s based on the bean bag toss Tic Tac Toe table, only it has pictures of traffic lights on them.
Only way to advance is to hit the squares with traffic lights in them.
If you suck at that one, there are ones with CARS!!
The prize is sadness and confusion.
You must win this game to play the true MSTie carney games!
I wanted the giant, stuffed Satellite of Love instead! ;)
And if the summer heat is too much for you, just head to that one air conditioned building with the As Seen on TV crap and other forms of Industry, Science, and Technology. With large men sticking screwdrivers into things; turning them; and adjusting them.
“But don’t look for it now, it’s only available in the Year 2000.”
There has to be a “guess the gender, win a free cocktail” contest.
Don’t forget to stop by the Mads’ booth to get some of the screaming cotton candy they introduced in The Slime People.
Stop by the Atlantic Rim booth for a Bull Butter Stick on a Stick. Just as delicious as regular butter, but without the saturated fats that would cause your arteries to go clang.
There’s a decent state fair near where I live. I saw Judas Priest there about 10~15 years ago. As I arrived I could hear the end of Whitesnake opening up for them. Having recently watched Escape 2000 it put a grin on my face.
The home canning exhibition is worth a look. Check out the hamdinger judging. Did anybody include an escape pod in their entry?
No fair would be complete without The Horror of Party Beach Hot Dog Eating Contest! See how many you can cram in your mouth at one time!
The Wayne County Fair starts tomorrow. My Mom & I will be there for the horse pull. I just hope Hargreaves hasn’t been using the hypo on them again.
Try the fair’s newest ride, the Pumaman! A bungee cord hooked to the back of the rider’s pants lets you flail awkwardly through the air, just like the Pumaman!