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Weekend Discussion Thread: Worst Jobs in MSTed Movies

With Labor Day approaching, give us your nomination for the worst job ever depicted in a MSTed movie or short.

My pick would be the sampo makers in “Day the Earth Froze.” Except for the guy who got to ride on top, seems like a pretty rough gig.

Your pick?

56 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Worst Jobs in MSTed Movies”

  1. jay
    Ignored
    says:

    I nominate the poor private who had to deal with Glenn’s scat, etc. when he was growing ten feet a day at the army base in The Amazing Colossal Man. Talk about a crap job!

       23 likes

  2. skrag2112
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    says:

    The kid who worked for the old crabby jerk in ‘The Brute Man’. Getting strangled seems almost worth it to never work for that a-hole again.

       19 likes

  3. Son of Peanut
    Ignored
    says:

    Being a security guard for an abandoned movie studio. You’re not allowed to listen to music, there are murderous puppets living on the property, and if you daydream, you’re dead. Plus your girlfriend won’t respect your job at all. No wonder the old guy blew the place up when he got fired.

       17 likes

  4. Torque the Dorque
    Ignored
    says:

    There are so many to choose from but one profession that seemed to be the crappiest was being a waitress. Helen ends up married to a guy with an oil derrick on his head, Carrie is stalked and murdered, Michelle becomes a near mistress to a drug dealer and ends up with a draft dodging wannabe hippie. They were all sexually harassed by some really greasy people who wouldn’t take NO to there advances.

    Waitresses are the nurses of food service in my book. Tip generously

       17 likes

  5. Sitting Duck
    Ignored
    says:

    Mad scientist lackey. Your boss regularly subjects you to physical and mental abuse. You get stuck with performing all the unpleasant and demeaning tasks. And if the experiment gets loose (assuming you aren’t the experiment), you’ll be the first one it attacks. Example episodes include The Corpse Vanishes, The Unearthly, Indestructible Man, Bride of the Monster, and The Brain That Wouldn’t Die.

       21 likes

  6. Yeti of Great Danger
    Ignored
    says:

    Happy Labor Day weekend to all, and if you’re in the southeast U.S., stay safe!

    So many bad jobs, bad bosses, and bad places to work in the MST3K world. I nominate being the caretaker of Valley Lodge. Poor Torgo, stuck in the middle of nowhere in a dump with The Master as his boss. What did he actually DO? I don’t see that he put mints on the pillows or folded the towels into cute shapes. He could barely carry the luggage. Bet he never got tips, either.

       14 likes

  7. mando3b
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    says:

    Being the designated victim in a dangerous expedition: the guy with the glasses in Lost Continent, the Brit in 12 to the Moon, the Load in Mole People, etc. First, everyone can tell from the opening credits that you are going to be the one guy who gets killed. Second, you still have to go through all the rock-climbing, rope-sliding, dangerous space-traveling–they don’t give you a break and knock you off early. Third, that means you still have to suffer through most of the pompous hero’s pontificating, too. Of course, THAT means that when it does come, death must feel like a sweet release.

       10 likes

  8. Ro-man, aka one of several possible Steves
    Ignored
    says:

    Maybe the soldiers in “Monster-a-go-go”. Because, I mean, after all of that hard work searching for the monster, in the end, ya’ know…

       12 likes

  9. IR5
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    says:

    The “Why don’t they look guy” in Last Clear Chance. Why it’s so obvious what kids need to do, after all, Trains are soulless, teenage killing machines. And cleaning up a bucket of brother certainly wasn’t on his original job description.

       12 likes

  10. DarkGrandmaofDeath
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    says:

    Being a nurse anywhere in the MST universe. If you’re not being attacked by Arizona werewolves or Southwestern bat men, there’s a high risk of being chased down by melting men. Plus, of course, the constant of having to put up with the doctors. That seems like a tough gig.

       14 likes

  11. Ro-man, aka one of several possible Steves
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    says:

    Sitting Duck: Mad scientist lackey.

    Speaking of mad scientist lackies, working for the mad Forresters in any capacity obviously is a crappy job. I mean, from going missing, to getting shot into space and forced to watch terrible movies, to all the unspeakable things that happened to TV’s Frank. Definitely plenty there to keep OSHA lawyers occupied for decades.

    Though, come to think of it, Max hasn’t had such a bad gig, relatively speaking.

       11 likes

  12. Kenneth Morgan
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    says:

    Being a commanding officer in a Gamera movie seems like a pretty thankless job. You’re trying to lead the troops and defend Japan against a raging monster, and your superiors ignore you in favor of some whiny kid.

       14 likes

  13. DarkGrandmaofDeath
    Ignored
    says:

    Yeti of Great Danger:

    Poor Torgo, stuck in the middle of nowhere in a dump with The Master as his boss.What did he actually DO?I don’t see that he put mints on the pillows or folded the towels into cute shapes.He could barely carry the luggage.Bet he never got tips, either.

    But he did tip over frequently.

    (Sorry, sorry. Should have resisted. Didn’t.)

    I like that image of Torgo as the ultimate hotelier, providing all those little touches to make the guests feel special. It’s too bad that the words “Torgo” and “touches” are really disturbing in the same sentence, though.

       10 likes

  14. Scott Strong
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    says:

    Being a worm farmer seems tough. You’ve got insubordinate kids lending out your truck. Disrespectful neighbors and their nerdy boyfriends snooping around for loose skeletons, and worst of all, the little buggers go rogue during electrical storms and eat out your innards!

       15 likes

  15. yelling_into_the_void
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    says:

    On the other hand praise the Truck Farmer, bow down before him!

       12 likes

  16. mst3kme
    Ignored
    says:

    Happy Labor Day Weekend!

    Rifftrax is having a sale. Get 15% off riffs in the Labor Day Sale – enter coupon code WORK at checkout (discount excludes pre-orders and gift cards).

       4 likes

  17. Blonde Russian Spy
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    says:

    Working the bridge in Space Mutiny. You NEVER get a day off, even after being murdered.

       26 likes

  18. yelling_into_the_void
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    says:

    Blonde Russian Spy:
    Working the bridge in Space Mutiny.You NEVER get a day off, even after being murdered.

    And they don’t have enough uniforms for everyone.

       11 likes

  19. Ray Dunakin
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    says:

    Clearly, the worst job ever, hands down, was being Mitchell’s hooker.

       18 likes

  20. Ray Dunakin
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    says:

    I can imagine Torgo leaving something on the pillow for the guests, but it wouldn’t be a mint.

       6 likes

  21. Kevin Wallace
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    says:

    Keeping Robot Monster’s Bubble Machine topped off would get kind of tedious.

       9 likes

  22. RedZoneTuba
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    says:

    Eulabelle. Being ordered around in a condescending manner by a bunch of of white folks who don’t have the brains that God gave sodium.

       22 likes

  23. MonkeyPretzel
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    says:

    Corn detassler. Dull, repetitive, hot, dusty, and dirty work.

    Runner up is the chicken sexer who has to sit and look at the naughty bits of baby chicks all day long.

       16 likes

  24. mando3b
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    says:

    Being Harold Warren’s wife or daughter in Manos: he gets them lost, insists on staying with Torgo and The Master, doesn’t do a blessed thing to protect either one of them, and they wind up tied to posts in The Master’s boudoir. GOOD one, Hal! Hope your new job as Torgo’s replacement was worth it!

       6 likes

  25. mando3b
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    says:

    RedZoneTuba:
    Eulabelle. Being ordered around in a condescending manner by a bunch of of white folks who don’t have the brains that God gave sodium.

    Even worse: Griswold the African-American ship’s mate in The Killer Shrews. He’s just as smart as his boss, plays some killer piano besides, but the film makers don’t even let him inside the shrew compound. And then they just don’t kill him off, they have to humiliate him with that over-long scene of him up in the tree. As Joel says, “Guys, this scene is so disturbing in so many ways.”

       10 likes

  26. Professor Gunther
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    says:

    Being Queen Omphale’s boy toy, because when she’s done with you, she’s really done!

       7 likes

  27. The Original EricJ
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    MonkeyPretzel: Runner up is the chicken sexer who has to sit and look at the naughty bits of baby chicks all day long.

    But just imagine someone asking him what he does, and he replies “I’m a chick sexer! :) ”

    Then, there’s working at the Conn music factory, having to stare into the newly forged barrels of saxophones, to see if any music comes out.
    (Oh, cripes, polish, polish, that’s al the old ladies do all day…)

       6 likes

  28. jay
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    says:

    mando3b: Even worse: Griswold the African-American ship’s mate in The Killer Shrews.

    Like the film makers I forgot about Griswold. Maybe if he had been let into the house he would have explained to them that all they had to do was shoot a series of the shrews one by one. In the feeding frenzies that followed the remaining shrews would torn each other to pieces in a cannibalistic frenzy until a manageable number remained. Oh, and Griswold would have wisely hidden the booze till the emergency was over, but instead…

       9 likes

  29. Terry the Sensitive Knight
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    says:

    being a walnut rancher is hard, sweaty work

       13 likes

  30. Terry the Sensitive Knight
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    says:

    then there’s Santa Claus’ multinational cadre of child slaves

       18 likes

  31. jay
    Ignored
    says:

    MonkeyPretzel:

    Runner up is the chicken sexer who has to sit and look at the naughty bits of baby chicks all day long.

    I worked with a fellow who was actually a millionaire resulting partially from sexing turkeys with his Mexican crew. He was madly in love with a young woman on the faculty and only worked there for her sake. Now that I think of it, though, the bulk of his fortune came from turkey poop. He figured out how to turn it into high protein range cubes for cattle. Ka-ching!

       8 likes

  32. littleaimishboy
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    says:

    mando3b: Even worse: Griswold the African-American ship’s mate in The Killer Shrews. He’s just as smart as his boss, plays some killer piano

    Banjo, actually.

       1 likes

  33. Say No To Yes
    Ignored
    says:

    DarkGrandmaofDeath:
    Being a nurse anywhere in the MST universe.If you’re not being attacked by Arizona werewolves or Southwestern bat men, there’s a high risk of being chased down by melting men.Plus, of course, the constant of having to put up with the doctors. That seems like a tough gig.

    Yes, nurses have it rough in MST3K land, plus, speaking of melting men, I think the janitor who had to scoop up the gooey remains of Steve The Not Really Incredible Melting Maniac had a pretty crappy gig. Hope he at least was equipped with some industrial strength Playtex Living Gloves or something.

    And also, Ted “Hotchca” Nelson didn’t have any crackers.
    That was rough.

       5 likes

  34. The Original EricJ
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    says:

    jay: I worked with a fellow who was actually a millionaire resulting partially from sexing turkeys with his Mexican crew.He was madly in love with a young woman on the faculty and only worked there for her sake.Now that I think of it, though, the bulk of his fortune came from turkey poop.He figured out how to turn it into high protein range cubes for cattle.Ka-ching!

    Yes, but with chick sexing, there’s the advantage of job promotion–One can work their way up to fully professionally licensed Chicken Inspector.

       4 likes

  35. SteveWithAQ
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    says:

    Ray Dunakin:
    Clearly, the worst job ever, hands down, was being Mitchell’s hooker.

    I’m not so sure. The Baby Oil is a serious contender…

       6 likes

  36. Prez Gar
    Ignored
    says:

    Any nameless minion in the Evil John Saxon type guy’s army from Cave Dwellers. They were just cannon fodder for Ator to eliminate.

       5 likes

  37. mando3b
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    says:

    Literally everyone on the harsh planet of Gor: those slaves in the mine are “worked all day and all night”, the ladies-in-waiting at the palace have to go pantsless and are expected to fawn over the likes of Watney Smith (ick-ick-ick), the soldiers are just there for the Outlaw to stab in the dirt . . . I mean, even the king has to do a ton of paperwork in a denim house dress–and then he gets a Mickey Finn and a knife in the back for his efforts! Even Jack Palance, the mighty high priest–no one seems to listen to him, and HE gets a knife in the ribs at the end, too.

       6 likes

  38. Megalon
    Ignored
    says:

    How about all the nameless guards and soldiers who get slaughtered by the hero in any random sword & sorcery flick?

    As the late, great Terry Pratchett wrote in the dedication to Guards! Guards! (one of the funniest books ever written):

    They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No one ever asks them if they wanted to.
    This book is dedicated to those fine men.

       9 likes

  39. Sitting Duck
    Ignored
    says:

    Sitting Duck:
    Mad scientist lackey. Your boss regularly subjects you to physical and mental abuse. You get stuck with performing all the unpleasant and demeaning tasks. And if the experiment gets loose (assuming you aren’t the experiment), you’ll be the first one it attacks. Example episodes include The Corpse Vanishes, The Unearthly, Indestructible Man, Bride of the Monster, and The Brain That Wouldn’t Die.

    Having just rewatched it earlier today, I should add I Was a Teenage Werewolf to that list. Hugo gets told by his boss that he isn’t a real scientist on account of his lack of sociopathic character traits. While I don’t recall him having to perform any demeaning tasks, he did have to wear that smock. And during the climax, he’s the first one Tony kills.

       5 likes

  40. The Grim Specter of Food
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    says:

    Xeox cultist looks like a pretty bad gig. You get branded by your boss during employee orientation, and then you have to run around the Alberta wilderness in a tank top and ski mask. The company car is so shoddy it can’t outrun a ten speed, and the best retirement you can hope for is to live in a crummy model city. No wonder Rowsdower quit in favor of being an alcoholic drifter.

       7 likes

  41. Prez Gar
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    says:

    mando3b:
    Literally everyone on the harsh planet of Gor: those slaves in the mine are “worked all day and all night”, the ladies-in-waiting at the palace have to go pantsless and are expected to fawn over the likes of Watney Smith (ick-ick-ick), the soldiers are just there for the Outlaw to stab in the dirt . . . I mean, even the king has to do a ton of paperwork in a denim house dress–and then he gets a Mickey Finn and a knife in the back for his efforts! Even Jack Palance, the mighty high priest–no one seems to listen to him, and HE gets a knife in the ribs at the end, too.

    Women had it worse in the first movie, simply called Gor. They were all considered slaves, exxept in Koroba, and some would brand them on the inner thigh.

       4 likes

  42. duke of puddles
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    says:

    Frank from ‘Beginning of the End’
    first, the very radiation that you earn a living from made you deaf.
    second, you can only communicate through some vague sign language because Pete is too cheap to pay for real classes for you.
    third, being second fiddle to Mr. ‘i’m peter graves, and i attended the U of M.’ which means you’ll never get the girl and guess who’s mulch pretty much when the giant ‘hoppers show up.

       5 likes

  43. Terry the Sensitive Knight
    Ignored
    says:

    Prez Gar: Women had it worse in the first movie, simply called Gor. They were all considered slaves, exxept in Koroba,and some would brand them on the inner thigh.

    yeah, there’s comment on a YouTube video for ‘Outlaw’ which basically says “a Gor movie where the hero FIGHTS slavery?”
    lol

       1 likes

  44. DanCole
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    says:

    Female Maltese cop ( maybe Gina, or, something?).
    Not only do you have to deal with lunkish, trigger happy, poorly dressed (&, let’s face it, really, really stupid) Texas sheriffs named HAIRonimo (?), you are constantly surrounded by womany, greasy, goat loving, tight shirted, sweaty, tiny batched, lisping, capitulating, cheese-gorged, puking, hairy-necked Maltese men.
    You go sister!

       7 likes

  45. DanCole
    Ignored
    says:

    Blonde Russian Spy:
    Working the bridge in Space Mutiny.You NEVER get a day off, even after being murdered.

    Damn you sir & or madam, you beat me to it.

       5 likes

  46. Cornjob
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    says:

    I’m not sure what his job was, but the guy at the beginning of …Mixed up Zombies had it pretty tough. He was faced with the choice of having to have sex with a woman so loathsome he needed to get falling down drunk just to talk to her, or becoming one of a hoard of acid scarred zombies (another crummy job).

    I’m not sure exactly what Ortega’s job was either but I don’t envy him. Mostly because his attire and hygiene made Torgo seem spiffy by comparison.

    And of course there’s poor old Torgo. He keeps the place running pretty much by himself despite having numerous disabilities while everyone else is literally comatose. When they bother to wake up it’s to heap abuse on him as well as dismemberment and immolation. Yeesh.

       8 likes

  47. Sitting Duck
    Ignored
    says:

    duke of puddles:
    Frank from ‘Beginning of the End’
    first, the very radiation that you earn a living from made you deaf.
    second, you can only communicate through some vague sign language because Pete is too cheap to pay for real classes for you.
    third, being second fiddle to Mr. ‘i’m peter graves, and i attended the U of M.’ which means you’ll never get the girl and guess who’s mulch pretty much when the giant ‘hoppers show up.

    In essence, he’s a protagonist equivalent to the mad scientist lackey.

       4 likes

  48. doug
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    says:

    What about anteaters? Not only are they insulted and called the lowest form of life, they don’t even get any screen time.

       9 likes

  49. Gare_chicago
    Ignored
    says:

    Ulysses.

    I mean.. he’s actually a pretty useful guy to have around:
    .
    – He immediately acts as Herc’s protege by hitting a bulls-eye and making Tom Jones sing “What’s Up Pussycat?”
    – He over-hears the Amazon’s plans to kill all the men
    – He drugs all his compatriots with poppies in order to help drag them off the island to safety
    – He pretends to be a deaf mute to stay near Herc and protect him from Omphale
    – He tried repeatedly to help Herc regain his memory by spilling the Waters of Forgetfulness all over the place
    – He stumbles across the taxidermied man trophies of Omphale and saves Herc from the same fate
    – He takes on Antaeus single-handedly while Herc is snoozing (“I’m so sleepy, I can’t seem to keep awake!”)
    – He then uses his knowledge of Antaeus to help Herc give the bad guy a bath
    – He poses as Sandone (presumably having attacked him and stolen his clothes beforehand) to rescue his friends
    – And for cripes sake, that arrow thing comes back when he literally saves Herc’s life by taking out a tiger.
    .
    .
    Y’know, he’s the all-around goto guy in the Hercules movies, but at the end of the day, Herc gets all the glory *and* the lovely Sylva Koscina, and Ulysses is still single and ends up buying a rough minibike. Sad really.

    G

       8 likes

  50. jay
    Ignored
    says:

    doug:
    What about anteaters? Not only are they insulted and called the lowest form of life, they don’t even get any screen time.

    Anteaters Rock. Export some here to my place. The armadillos are just not keeping up. The ants are kicking there armor covered butts.

       4 likes

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