My pick would be the sampo makers in “Day the Earth Froze.” Except for the guy who got to ride on top, seems like a pretty rough gig.
Your pick?
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Weekend Discussion Thread: Worst Jobs in MSTed MoviesWith Labor Day approaching, give us your nomination for the worst job ever depicted in a MSTed movie or short.
56 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Worst Jobs in MSTed Movies”Commenting at Satellite News
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I nominate the poor private who had to deal with Glenn’s scat, etc. when he was growing ten feet a day at the army base in The Amazing Colossal Man. Talk about a crap job!
The kid who worked for the old crabby jerk in ‘The Brute Man’. Getting strangled seems almost worth it to never work for that a-hole again.
Being a security guard for an abandoned movie studio. You’re not allowed to listen to music, there are murderous puppets living on the property, and if you daydream, you’re dead. Plus your girlfriend won’t respect your job at all. No wonder the old guy blew the place up when he got fired.
There are so many to choose from but one profession that seemed to be the crappiest was being a waitress. Helen ends up married to a guy with an oil derrick on his head, Carrie is stalked and murdered, Michelle becomes a near mistress to a drug dealer and ends up with a draft dodging wannabe hippie. They were all sexually harassed by some really greasy people who wouldn’t take NO to there advances.
Waitresses are the nurses of food service in my book. Tip generously
Mad scientist lackey. Your boss regularly subjects you to physical and mental abuse. You get stuck with performing all the unpleasant and demeaning tasks. And if the experiment gets loose (assuming you aren’t the experiment), you’ll be the first one it attacks. Example episodes include The Corpse Vanishes, The Unearthly, Indestructible Man, Bride of the Monster, and The Brain That Wouldn’t Die.
Happy Labor Day weekend to all, and if you’re in the southeast U.S., stay safe!
So many bad jobs, bad bosses, and bad places to work in the MST3K world. I nominate being the caretaker of Valley Lodge. Poor Torgo, stuck in the middle of nowhere in a dump with The Master as his boss. What did he actually DO? I don’t see that he put mints on the pillows or folded the towels into cute shapes. He could barely carry the luggage. Bet he never got tips, either.
Being the designated victim in a dangerous expedition: the guy with the glasses in Lost Continent, the Brit in 12 to the Moon, the Load in Mole People, etc. First, everyone can tell from the opening credits that you are going to be the one guy who gets killed. Second, you still have to go through all the rock-climbing, rope-sliding, dangerous space-traveling–they don’t give you a break and knock you off early. Third, that means you still have to suffer through most of the pompous hero’s pontificating, too. Of course, THAT means that when it does come, death must feel like a sweet release.
Maybe the soldiers in “Monster-a-go-go”. Because, I mean, after all of that hard work searching for the monster, in the end, ya’ know…
The “Why don’t they look guy” in Last Clear Chance. Why it’s so obvious what kids need to do, after all, Trains are soulless, teenage killing machines. And cleaning up a bucket of brother certainly wasn’t on his original job description.
Being a nurse anywhere in the MST universe. If you’re not being attacked by Arizona werewolves or Southwestern bat men, there’s a high risk of being chased down by melting men. Plus, of course, the constant of having to put up with the doctors. That seems like a tough gig.
Speaking of mad scientist lackies, working for the mad Forresters in any capacity obviously is a crappy job. I mean, from going missing, to getting shot into space and forced to watch terrible movies, to all the unspeakable things that happened to TV’s Frank. Definitely plenty there to keep OSHA lawyers occupied for decades.
Though, come to think of it, Max hasn’t had such a bad gig, relatively speaking.
Being a commanding officer in a Gamera movie seems like a pretty thankless job. You’re trying to lead the troops and defend Japan against a raging monster, and your superiors ignore you in favor of some whiny kid.
But he did tip over frequently.
(Sorry, sorry. Should have resisted. Didn’t.)
I like that image of Torgo as the ultimate hotelier, providing all those little touches to make the guests feel special. It’s too bad that the words “Torgo” and “touches” are really disturbing in the same sentence, though.
Being a worm farmer seems tough. You’ve got insubordinate kids lending out your truck. Disrespectful neighbors and their nerdy boyfriends snooping around for loose skeletons, and worst of all, the little buggers go rogue during electrical storms and eat out your innards!
On the other hand praise the Truck Farmer, bow down before him!
Happy Labor Day Weekend!
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Working the bridge in Space Mutiny. You NEVER get a day off, even after being murdered.
And they don’t have enough uniforms for everyone.
Clearly, the worst job ever, hands down, was being Mitchell’s hooker.
I can imagine Torgo leaving something on the pillow for the guests, but it wouldn’t be a mint.
Keeping Robot Monster’s Bubble Machine topped off would get kind of tedious.
Eulabelle. Being ordered around in a condescending manner by a bunch of of white folks who don’t have the brains that God gave sodium.
Corn detassler. Dull, repetitive, hot, dusty, and dirty work.
Runner up is the chicken sexer who has to sit and look at the naughty bits of baby chicks all day long.
Being Harold Warren’s wife or daughter in Manos: he gets them lost, insists on staying with Torgo and The Master, doesn’t do a blessed thing to protect either one of them, and they wind up tied to posts in The Master’s boudoir. GOOD one, Hal! Hope your new job as Torgo’s replacement was worth it!
Even worse: Griswold the African-American ship’s mate in The Killer Shrews. He’s just as smart as his boss, plays some killer piano besides, but the film makers don’t even let him inside the shrew compound. And then they just don’t kill him off, they have to humiliate him with that over-long scene of him up in the tree. As Joel says, “Guys, this scene is so disturbing in so many ways.”
Being Queen Omphale’s boy toy, because when she’s done with you, she’s really done!
But just imagine someone asking him what he does, and he replies “I’m a chick sexer! :) ”
Then, there’s working at the Conn music factory, having to stare into the newly forged barrels of saxophones, to see if any music comes out.
(Oh, cripes, polish, polish, that’s al the old ladies do all day…)
Like the film makers I forgot about Griswold. Maybe if he had been let into the house he would have explained to them that all they had to do was shoot a series of the shrews one by one. In the feeding frenzies that followed the remaining shrews would torn each other to pieces in a cannibalistic frenzy until a manageable number remained. Oh, and Griswold would have wisely hidden the booze till the emergency was over, but instead…
being a walnut rancher is hard, sweaty work
then there’s Santa Claus’ multinational cadre of child slaves
I worked with a fellow who was actually a millionaire resulting partially from sexing turkeys with his Mexican crew. He was madly in love with a young woman on the faculty and only worked there for her sake. Now that I think of it, though, the bulk of his fortune came from turkey poop. He figured out how to turn it into high protein range cubes for cattle. Ka-ching!
Banjo, actually.
Yes, nurses have it rough in MST3K land, plus, speaking of melting men, I think the janitor who had to scoop up the gooey remains of Steve The Not Really Incredible Melting Maniac had a pretty crappy gig. Hope he at least was equipped with some industrial strength Playtex Living Gloves or something.
And also, Ted “Hotchca” Nelson didn’t have any crackers.
That was rough.
Yes, but with chick sexing, there’s the advantage of job promotion–One can work their way up to fully professionally licensed Chicken Inspector.
I’m not so sure. The Baby Oil is a serious contender…
Any nameless minion in the Evil John Saxon type guy’s army from Cave Dwellers. They were just cannon fodder for Ator to eliminate.
Literally everyone on the harsh planet of Gor: those slaves in the mine are “worked all day and all night”, the ladies-in-waiting at the palace have to go pantsless and are expected to fawn over the likes of Watney Smith (ick-ick-ick), the soldiers are just there for the Outlaw to stab in the dirt . . . I mean, even the king has to do a ton of paperwork in a denim house dress–and then he gets a Mickey Finn and a knife in the back for his efforts! Even Jack Palance, the mighty high priest–no one seems to listen to him, and HE gets a knife in the ribs at the end, too.
How about all the nameless guards and soldiers who get slaughtered by the hero in any random sword & sorcery flick?
As the late, great Terry Pratchett wrote in the dedication to Guards! Guards! (one of the funniest books ever written):
Having just rewatched it earlier today, I should add I Was a Teenage Werewolf to that list. Hugo gets told by his boss that he isn’t a real scientist on account of his lack of sociopathic character traits. While I don’t recall him having to perform any demeaning tasks, he did have to wear that smock. And during the climax, he’s the first one Tony kills.
Xeox cultist looks like a pretty bad gig. You get branded by your boss during employee orientation, and then you have to run around the Alberta wilderness in a tank top and ski mask. The company car is so shoddy it can’t outrun a ten speed, and the best retirement you can hope for is to live in a crummy model city. No wonder Rowsdower quit in favor of being an alcoholic drifter.
Women had it worse in the first movie, simply called Gor. They were all considered slaves, exxept in Koroba, and some would brand them on the inner thigh.
Frank from ‘Beginning of the End’
first, the very radiation that you earn a living from made you deaf.
second, you can only communicate through some vague sign language because Pete is too cheap to pay for real classes for you.
third, being second fiddle to Mr. ‘i’m peter graves, and i attended the U of M.’ which means you’ll never get the girl and guess who’s mulch pretty much when the giant ‘hoppers show up.
yeah, there’s comment on a YouTube video for ‘Outlaw’ which basically says “a Gor movie where the hero FIGHTS slavery?”
lol
Female Maltese cop ( maybe Gina, or, something?).
Not only do you have to deal with lunkish, trigger happy, poorly dressed (&, let’s face it, really, really stupid) Texas sheriffs named HAIRonimo (?), you are constantly surrounded by womany, greasy, goat loving, tight shirted, sweaty, tiny batched, lisping, capitulating, cheese-gorged, puking, hairy-necked Maltese men.
You go sister!
Damn you sir & or madam, you beat me to it.
I’m not sure what his job was, but the guy at the beginning of …Mixed up Zombies had it pretty tough. He was faced with the choice of having to have sex with a woman so loathsome he needed to get falling down drunk just to talk to her, or becoming one of a hoard of acid scarred zombies (another crummy job).
I’m not sure exactly what Ortega’s job was either but I don’t envy him. Mostly because his attire and hygiene made Torgo seem spiffy by comparison.
And of course there’s poor old Torgo. He keeps the place running pretty much by himself despite having numerous disabilities while everyone else is literally comatose. When they bother to wake up it’s to heap abuse on him as well as dismemberment and immolation. Yeesh.
In essence, he’s a protagonist equivalent to the mad scientist lackey.
What about anteaters? Not only are they insulted and called the lowest form of life, they don’t even get any screen time.
Ulysses.
I mean.. he’s actually a pretty useful guy to have around:
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– He immediately acts as Herc’s protege by hitting a bulls-eye and making Tom Jones sing “What’s Up Pussycat?”
– He over-hears the Amazon’s plans to kill all the men
– He drugs all his compatriots with poppies in order to help drag them off the island to safety
– He pretends to be a deaf mute to stay near Herc and protect him from Omphale
– He tried repeatedly to help Herc regain his memory by spilling the Waters of Forgetfulness all over the place
– He stumbles across the taxidermied man trophies of Omphale and saves Herc from the same fate
– He takes on Antaeus single-handedly while Herc is snoozing (“I’m so sleepy, I can’t seem to keep awake!”)
– He then uses his knowledge of Antaeus to help Herc give the bad guy a bath
– He poses as Sandone (presumably having attacked him and stolen his clothes beforehand) to rescue his friends
– And for cripes sake, that arrow thing comes back when he literally saves Herc’s life by taking out a tiger.
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Y’know, he’s the all-around goto guy in the Hercules movies, but at the end of the day, Herc gets all the glory *and* the lovely Sylva Koscina, and Ulysses is still single and ends up buying a rough minibike. Sad really.
G
Anteaters Rock. Export some here to my place. The armadillos are just not keeping up. The ants are kicking there armor covered butts.