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Episode Guide: 802- The Leech Woman

Movie: (1960) An aging woman travels to Africa to gain the secret to renewed (albeit temporary) youth. But murder is part of the recipe.

First shown: 2/8/97
Opening: Crow deals with the SOL’s prairie dog problem
Intro: The Apes discover that devolution can be fun
Host segment 1: The nanites are on strike
Host segment 2: Pearl is forced to give some laws, and asks M&TB for suggestions — and Tom has some
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom have a plan to get Mike’s pineal juices
End: Tom’s “Beverly Hillbillies” sketch ends in chaos, but the Apes are oh-so-civilized again
Stinger: The wily cop outwits his suspect
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (236 votes, average: 4.39 out of 5)

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• The last time through, I put this one in the good-not-great category, but, again, I guess I was in the right frame of mind for this — I laughed a LOT this time. Maybe it’s because you can really see them settling in and really feel them enjoying themselves.
• Read Kevin’s take on this episode here.
• This episode is included in “Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection: The 25th Anniversary Edition, (aka Vol. XXVIII).”
References.
• Crow still cannot remember Mike. Not too much longer for that.
• Bill’s version of Crow’s voice is still all over the map in this one, but for the first time we begin to hear little snippets of the voice we would soon get to know.
• Cute prairie dog in the opening!
• Kevin is particularly funny in the intro. His mannerisms and his delivery are great.
• The “original Ray Kroc” was a popular piece of Universal set decoration — it was also on Exeter’s office wall in “This Island Earth.”
• Trivia: The African wildlife scenes were reused footage from Universal’s 1954 movie “Tanganyika.”
• Segment one is more clever than funny, but it’s such a change from the sort of host segment we used to get in the CC days that it’s kind of mesmerizing. The voices are Kevin and Paul as Ned and Wade again, along with Mary Jo as Jody.
• Kevin sings a little Zappa, when the soundtrack sounds like “Moving to Montana.”
• In segment two, we once again get hints at how Tom spent his time at the edge of the universe.
• This ep contains the first of what would be a running gag for most of the season: As Mala looks at her hands after becoming young, Tom says “I thought I was Dale!” What does this mean? Well, It’s actually a complicated goof, and thereby hangs a tale. Back in the 1970s, there was a series of commercials for Ivory dishwashing liquid, in which mothers were mistaken for their daughters, because the mom used Ivory and so her hands were young-looking. At around the same time, there was also a commercial for Grape Nuts, in which a teenage boy mistakes teenage girl Dale’s mother for Dale and utters the deathless line: “I thought you were Dale!” Best Brains only vaguely remembered these two completely unrelated commercials, and apparently mixed them up in their minds. There were apparently never any Ivory Liquid commercials in which a character said “I thought you were Dale!” And the Grape Nuts commercial in which that line was spoken had nothing to do with hands. So basically they goofed. But the writers thought they were making a reference to the Ivory Liquid commercials.
• There were a total of 12 “Dale” riffs this season, and there were Dale riffs in 11 consecutive episodes beginning in episode 805- THE THING THAT COULDN’T DIE. (And there were some in previous seasons! For a complete list, visit Ward E.) From this point forward, they will be referred to as “Daleisms.”
• LOTR reference: Tom gets all enty. (Hom-hoom!)
• Local reference: The Blainbrook Bowl. Do a lot of drunk girls dance there?
• Obscure reference: Tom invokes Earl Camenbert, a character from “SCTV.”
• Mike and Servo take another brief swing around the dance floor, something they haven’t done since 612- Starfighters.
• Firesign Theatre reference: Crow refers to “Arnie’s Whole Beef Halves.”
• What is with the HUGE front door on the house in this movie? Very weird.
• In segment 3, Mike crawls up in front of the “hatch.” First (and last) time for that, I think.
• The ending sketch is one of those sketches about not doing a sketch. They liked those. Not everybody did.
• The stinger in this one is rather unsatisfying. Feels like it was quickly plucked from near the end of the movie without much thought.
• For the record, Kevin holds that “Jeeeeed!” for 52 seconds.
• Cast and crew roundup: Producer Joseph Gershenson also worked on “Revenge of the Creature,” “The Mole People,” “The Deadly Mantis,” “The Thing That Couldn’t Die” and “This Island Earth. He was also music supervisor on “Kitten With A Whip.” Scriptwriter David Duncan also worked on “The Thing that Couldn’t Die” and “Black Scorpion.” Story writer Ben Pivar was the producer of “The Brute Man.” Cinematographer Ellis Carter also worked on “The Mole People” and “The Deadly Mantis.” Costumer Bill Thomas also worked on “The Thing that Couldn’t Die.” Makeup guy Bud Westmore worked on a ton of stuff. See last week’s list. Likewise art director Alexander Golitzen, set designer Russell A. Gausman and sound person Leslie I. Carey. Art director Robert Clatworthy also worked on “The Deadly Mantis.” Set designer Clarence Steensen also worked on “Rocketship X-M.” Sound guy Joe Lapis also worked on “The Brute Man.” Score composer Irving Gertz also worked on “The Deadly Mantis” and “Jungle Goddess.”
In front of the camera: Coleen Gray was also in “The Phantom Planet.” Gloria Talbott was also in “Girls Town.” Arthur Batanides was also in “The Unearthly.” Murray Alper was also in “Lost Continent.” Charles Keane was also in “Project Moon Base.”
• CreditsWatch: Jim retains the producer title, but Kevin is listed as director and associate producer. For the last time ever, Jim is listed as “contributing writer.”
• Fave riff: “We’re all just so RESTLESS.” Honorable mention: “She’s lettin’ the hair play her.” “Are you okay? How many fingers of whiskey am I holding up?”

153 Replies to “Episode Guide: 802- The Leech Woman”

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  1. PrivateIron says:

    SCTV is not obscure. Now take off, hoser! I only write these comments from a wheel chair for respect.

       6 likes

  2. OnenuttyTanuki says:

    I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who thought Dale/Gale riffs were a reference to Kentucky Fried Movie.

       1 likes

  3. Keith Palmer says:

    Having already seen a good number of episodes from later in the “Sci-Fi era” before I first saw “The Leech Woman” somehow made the experience a “pleasant surprise” for me: I had formed (mostly from thin air) the impression that the show needed a little while to “get back up to speed,” but this episode was a strong showing for me.

    However, I do find comment 33 sort of intriguing: on a case-by-case basis, I certainly enjoy a lot of the “Sci-Fi” episodes and might even pick them over ones from the first three or four seasons of the show, and yet I can wonder if, on some strange abstract level, I also favour the lighter outlook of the series earlier on to the darker comments from later…

       1 likes

  4. mstgator says:

    Fond memories of this one, as it was the first episode I ever watched “live” (didn’t have Comedy Central during the heydays, so my only previous MST3K experience was a few episodes of the syndicated MST Hour and brief snippets of Comedy Central episodes on the TV at work in 1995). Needless to say, my (then) girlfriend and I were hooked after 2/8/97.

       0 likes

  5. Tim S. Turner says:

    Don’t understand the lukewarm reaction to this one. I love it. Sharp riffs throughout, with Bill starting to get comfortable. “NNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! GET IN THE CAR! NEIL! TELL HER SHE LOOKS LIKE A WARTHOG! NEIL!!”

    Also, Colleen Gray was a babe in “Nightmare Alley”.

       3 likes

  6. Tim S. Turner says:

    And I prefer the “darker” tone of the later years. Funny is funny. Period. Did you laugh? Yes? Then, it’s funny. Semantics. Of course, my humor tends to be darker like Mike, Kevin, and Bill’s.

       6 likes

  7. Kouban says:

    Is it just me, or is one of the apes wielding the Daktari Stool in the first segment?

       4 likes

  8. I love this episode, but I agree the stinger could have been better. My choice for a stinger would have been the scene in the doctor’s office where the wife takes a drink and says “That did it. I can’t feel anything. Inside or out.”

       1 likes

  9. Eric in NJ says:

    a fantastic ep! i just re,re,re,re,re,re,re,re… watched it last weekend. very funny!

       3 likes

  10. OnenuttyTanuki says:

    Kouban I think you are right that is the Daktari Stool that Prof. Bobo is weilding.

       1 likes

  11. Nicias says:

    I really like this one. Revenge of the Creature left me a little cold and doubtful of the show’s new format, but Leech Woman went a long way in building up my confidence. My favorite moment is a very subtle one; when the smarmy doctor shows the nurse out of the room, then shuts the door and turns dramatically to face Old Mala, Mike blurts out “Darling!” in a breathless, yearning tone. The very notion of the pseudo-suave doctor carrying on a torrid, secret affair with the shrunken, 150-year-old granny is so absurd it never fails to make me laugh.

    As a thought exercise, I always try to choose a favorite character from each MSTied movie. The term “favorite” is of course exceedingly generous, and often “least loathesome” is more appropriate. Films like Leech Woman present a special challenge because of the irredeemably spiteful cast of characters. In the absence of any moral fiber on which to base a favorite, I at least choose the most cunning or savvy character, and thus my choice in Leech Woman is Mala. While just as vain and immoral as all the other characters, she at least had the guile to con the doctor and play husband and wife against each other to achieve her own ends. Pretty much every one else is depicted as blindly lustful and remarkably obtuse.

       5 likes

  12. rcfagnan says:

    #52 OneNuttyTanuki:
    Not half as glad as I am, I assure you. I was half-afraid no one would know what the sam hill I was talking about.
    #48 Crowschmo:
    Shame on you! I would NEVER intentionally tape over one of my MST tapes (although a roommate of mine once did)! If you are really a dark specter trying to replace me, you wouldn’t either! Repent!
    -R. Christopher Fagnan

       1 likes

  13. losingmydignity says:

    Just rewatched this one last night and boy did I have a ball.

    This is one of the few eps that I find myself raising my “grade” on each time I see it. And it’s not one of those “it grew on me” kind of things. I always find it fresh and that I’ve underrated it.

    It is now up to an A–near classic status.

    The Riffing: It does let up now and then–the reason it’s not an A+ classic for me–but I laughed constantly and the sheer volume of very “dark” riffs makes this great. I am a huge fan of black comedy and this ep really inspired the writers. Alcoholism, murder, cruelty, ethnocentric nonsense, sleeze out the wazoo…all done with such a “straight face”, with such earnestness by the filmakers, and at the same time so badly, that Best Brains was given perfect material.
    So many riffs have been listed already–they are all good.

    The Movie: I’ve seen this maybe four times before but it really hit me this time how completly out there Leech is. This time it seemed like an Ed Wood film to me–an Ed Wood with more financial backing than he ever had or deserved–all the ingredients are there. Weird character motives, odd dialogue, A CAT FIGHT!…the “staginess” the feeling this should be a play (notice how static the whole affair is, excepting the “dynamite” scene). Men are either brutes or complete wimps. The women veer from complete self-loathing to “vamps from hell.” Oh, it would make such a fun camp play for a night out in the West Village. The audience would howl…

    And what the heck is Gloria Talbot doing packing heat?

    And where were the filmakers coming from? They seem (on a moral level) as confused as Ed Wood did.
    Mala gives a lovely little speech that makes the film seem feminist, but the gusto with which she and every other woman goes about killing to be young and beautiful undermines this completly. I doubt this was their intention. But there is enough subtext in this film to keep some future pomo theorist at Cornell happy for a year or two.
    As I said, this film is a lot of fun.

    The host segs: Not much to comment on here. I did, not for the first time, notice how stiff Bill’s crow is.

    The stinger: Many have mentioned some good ones.
    I’m guessing they really like the detective and they way he moves and his womanly body which they riff on. It’s a little too subtle for a stinger.

    I would go with that one hilarious tracking shot that follows some stock footage little kid natives in what appears to be a fake village in a movie with a slightly higher budget and then cuts suddenly to the village in Merv Griffith park or whereever they shot this turkey (sans kids). It is one of the most hilarious cuts in an MSTed film in my opinion.

    A

       2 likes

  14. losingmydignity says:

    P.S. At the risk of sounding, at best, inattentive, or at worst, stupid…can anyone tell me why Mala has lived to be 140 years old? If she hasn’t been drinking the pinal juice soaked flower power powder, why has she lived so long? If she has been going “pinal” when she can get it, why didn’t age as rapidly as our hard-drinking heroine?

    I tend to pay more attention to riffs than plot lines or points.

       0 likes

  15. The Bolem says:

    mstgator @54: This was my first premiere ep too! Having just gotten home from that Plan 9 simulcast, why if my MST-related world gets much smaller, it might actually implode; like sunlight!

    And speaking of gators, I’m surprised no one mentioned the part where LM and the guide flee the stock footage croc, and then just stop, simultaneously, for no apparent reason and look back: “Yeah, we crossed the county line, he had no jurisdiction…” That one’s tied with, “It’s more like stock MILEage at this point”, which happens to come a minute or so earlier, for my favorite riff.

    I remember liking the Beverly Hillbillies when I was 10 or 11. Honestly, every name that gets repeatedly shrieked in the final quarter is fine by me, maybe because one of them happens to be mine! Not sayin’ which though…

    I once held a sustained “JEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeed” for what seemed like about as long as the end credits one, but I wasn’t holding a stopwatch to prove any world records or anything.

    The first time I saw this, I remember feeling just a tad cheated that she never literally turned into some sort of mutant leech monster; so cheated that when I finally saw “Giant Spider Invasion”, I was convinced that the title meant it was just a giant invasion of slightly-larger-than-average spiders, right up until the music budget ran out.

       1 likes

  16. Cabbage Patch Elvis says:

    My stinger for Leech Woman would have the sleazy gigilo asking LM if she likes “really hot” music. Very oily. ick.

       2 likes

  17. Joseph Nebus says:

    If I remember the details correctly, and I haven’t had time to rewatch the episode recently, Nala said that part of her legacy was a supply of the drug which, without pineal juice, was able to retard her severe ageing process. She had a small sample to give Doctor Not In This Scene, after all. It was the source she was trying to get to.

    Was anyone else disappointed we never got more prairie dogs? That was a cute puppet they had. The slight theme of the wondrous weird big world of the Satellite of Love that Mike doesn’t know about with stuff like cattle and hot tubs and the like was fun and oddly flattering to MST3K fan fiction which tossed that stuff in for the fun of it too.

       4 likes

  18. The Bolem says:

    More than the prairie dogs, I was disappointed that we never saw nanite tanks again. Wouldn’t they have been far more useful in the invasion of Mike’s eyelashes in Invasion of the Neptune Men than for union-busting? Seriously, they could’ve recycled their props.

    The funny part about the Bots having access to giant pigs, silos, mysterious relatives, escape pods, etc aboard the SOL is that Mike was so oblivious to most of it that when he tried to access it, he tended to just do something like end up in the water heater thinking it could somehow eject him back to Earth through JDB-power. And yet, they all occupied the same space. Everyone seems equally baffled by those older civilizations existing on lower levels of the satellite next week, though.

    And since they had beefalo, I guess it was pure spite and not necessity that led Crow to use that thing that almost ate him to make his meatloaf the week after that. Ah well, it looked tastier anyway…

       2 likes

  19. Cornjob says:

    “It’s so humiliating to have to report your own death.”

    I think The Kentucky Fried Movie was spoofing the commercials. I never saw the commercials but I have seen KFM.

       1 likes

  20. Nicolletta says:

    This is one of those episodes that grew on me. I didn’t care for it too much at first, but now I find it hilarious.

    Some of my favorite moments (in no particular order):

    * June out “trolling” for pineal juice

    * Servo’s riff at the shiny pants-suit Terri/June wears: “I can see myself in her butt!”

    * Crow’s line when Mala goes into the tent to greet her guests: “Lady, you don’t really need to stoop THAT low.”

    * Sally’s hair-do. What is that all about????

    * Terri/June and Sally fighting over Neil. Ladies, he’s really not worth it.

    * The hamburger painting in the Talbot’s living room. Isn’t that the same hamburger painting from “This Island Earth”?

       1 likes

  21. “JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDD!” ‘Nuff said.

       3 likes

  22. The Toblerone Effect says:

    @ 25 Mike Sh. Being a Red Sox fan, I know what you mean! Everytime he strikes out, I start yelling “JEEEEEEEEEEEED!” at the screen in frustration!

       1 likes

  23. monoceros4 says:

    I will never, ever watch this one again. Probably a series low. There are some movies you can’t make fun of, not because they’re too serious or too meaningful or too good to make fun of but because they’re too dirty and no amount of humor can wash away the dirt. The Leech Woman is one of those movies. I’ve even learned to love Red Zone Cuba but not this one.

       1 likes

  24. mikek says:

    Kouban, #57:

    I think it’s the Daktari stool as well. I just noticed it during my viewing of Leech Woman for this discussion. I even though of Joel’s line as I saw it, “It’s a Daktari stool!”

       1 likes

  25. Evan K says:

    @ Joseph, #67:

    Yep, those prairie dogs were dern cute.

       2 likes

  26. mikek says:

    Here’s another riff that I really like. As Mrs. Talbot pours out her drink next to her couch:

    Servo (as Mrs. Talbot): “Here you go Dino.”

    Mike: (as Dean Martin): “Thank you very much.”

       2 likes

  27. DamonD says:

    I loved the bots trying to extract Mike’s pineal gland.

       1 likes

  28. Jamie says:

    One of my favs here.
    Starring these leeches!
    Not my line! Not in this scene!
    (June screaming) Its a mirror!
    Careful with my record collectchon!
    Out of Africa! No. Theres more in the trunk!
    Meanwhile, thousands of miles away in actual Africa!………..And now back to our set!
    Reaall Africa!……….Hollywood Africa!
    These Paul Simon parties are getting out of hand!
    Whaahh Wooaahh!! (June’s reaction when husband leaves Africa)
    Hes got an area rug!
    Names Janet! Miss Jackson if youre nasty!
    How-my-doing??
    June: Everything is trash! Mike: except for the Zenith Hi-Fi!
    Hot Clients’ Nieces??
    Jolene Jolene Jole-ee-n Joleeenn! (Dolly Parton song)
    We must camp here. The next stock footage is 5 miles.
    Were-getting-you-tan!! (Mala speaking African)

       2 likes

  29. Cornjob says:

    Although Leech Woman is not as depressing as High School Big Shot, it definitely has the most cynical portrayal of humanity in any MST movie. The only genuinely sympathetic character I can think of is the drunk that picks up a purse for a stranger.

    High school Big Shot still seems more nihilistic, but at least Marv was well intentioned and seemed like a pretty nice kid. The safecracker and his brother had their own charm, and even Marv’s hopeless suicidal loser of a dad wasn’t mean spirited.

    Not so in The Leech Woman. I started drawing up a contrasting list of bad qualities men and women in this movie had, but they kept overlapping. And in what universe is Neil someone women would kill for?

    Somewhere I came across the term anagathic which is a substance or device that slows or reverses aging. Ideal anagathics like the fountain of youth revert the user to childhood and let them their lives over, hopefully with fewer screw-ups.

    Most anagathics are not so kind. They almost allways wear off. The best anagathics of this type cause the user to just resume aging at a normal rate when they wear off, as if a pause button had been pushed for a time.

    More commonly, like Dorian Gray’s picture, when the anagathic wears off, all the years catch up with them at once. Often resulting in someone going from youthfull to ancient or even a dessicated corpse in a matter of seconds.

    The worst anagathics, like the Leech Woman’s pinial nipe stuff wear off quickly and leave the user older than they were to begin with. What a bummer.

    Other cursed anagathics work so well they turn the user into a baby before making them disappear. And even if the user gets to actually live forever, they usually end up alone or in a crippled body, like the old people in Zardoz who were being kept alive against their will by their technology.

    I can’t think of a single story about a quest for perpetual youth or immortality, that didn’t end badly. Maybe there’s a lesson there. Think about it, won’t you?

       5 likes

  30. Evan K says:

    At losingmydignity #64:

    It’s been a while since I’ve watched it, but doesn’t she say that she’s only been using the bare powder, without mixing it with anything – that’s what’s let her live so long, but not actually restore her youth.

       2 likes

  31. Clint says:

    This episode was something of a holy grail for me. I missed it the few times it aired on the SciFi Channel, and tried tape trading for it a year or two later, but my anon. trading partner made an honest mistake and i never got it in the mail. It wasn’t until some time later that I was finally able to download it from DAP, which I guess was justifiable since it wasn’t commercially available. When I finally saw it… eh, it was okay.

       0 likes

  32. The Bolem says:

    As I mentioned in this weekend’s “Movies that could be remade into good movies” thread, a friend once suggested that Leech Woman could’ve been a classic that the Brains never would’ve gotten their hands on, if they’d just extended that first scene out to feature length and had the entire movie be one long argument between a middle aged lush and her condescending jerk of a husband. That part of the movie was executed so well that there was no need to detour to the heart of stock-footage Africa, a decision likely made by some of the same studio suits that butchered “The Magnificent Ambersons”, denying “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” any real competition.

    Tom and Crow’s attempt to kill Mike and then Gypsy for their pineal juice seemed unusually dark and disturbing, but I guess it was inspired by how everyone in the movie was instantly willing to resort to murder once they knew the youth syrum actually worked. Our, um, “heroine” indeed winced at her husband’s rather justified sacrifice, but got over it the instant she got a week younger, and hubby didn’t seem bothered at all during the first demo. Unlike monoceros4 (a noble dinosaur, though its cousin styracosaurus is more a personal favorite), I’m never bothered by a movie that establishes that all its characters with more than 15 minutes of screentime deserve to die, as long as it delivers. In the case of Tom and Crow however, I’m genuinely glad this was done while Crow didn’t remember Mike, and Servo was still a little loopy from his adventures throughout the universe. I guess I’m not totally desensitized after all.

    Oh, and while I don’t remember if I’m even spelling “pineal” correctly, I could swear I saw a chart showing the gland is actually far enough up in the base of the skull that the victims were being stabbed too far down their necks to reach it. Can someone better versed in anatomy verify this?

       3 likes

  33. losingmydignity says:

    Thanks Evan K. I must have been laughing at all the riffs and missed it. The entire opening scene in the doctor’s office is one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen.

       3 likes

  34. Droppo says:

    I remember, upon first viewing, being baffled by the prairie dog sketch. It continued an alarming trend carried over from the season premiere…the host segments were all over the place in terms of quality.

    Segment 2 also continued a far more alarming trend…Pearl being prominently featured in mid-movie host segments. Dr. F. and Frank were comedic gold. And yet…they very infrequently appeared in mid-movie segments. When they did, it was almost always a home run (the “Frank getting fired” arc in Village of the Giants, Dr. F. and Frank freaking out about the rubber band in “Racket Girls” and perhaps, the best of all-time…their reactions to Joel and the bots’ Pod People song parody Idiot Control Now….”it stinks!”). But, far and away, the majority of sketches focused on Joel/Mike and the bots.

    Now, I’ve made clear my disdain for the Pearl character before. But, one of the worst parts of it for me is the fact that she CONSTANTLY appeared in more and more sketches. We got way more Pearl than we ever had in the Golden Dr. F/Frank era. And I can’t for the life of me understand why.

    Again, from singing part of the theme song to appearing in more mid-movie sketches…it seemed like the Brains thought they had comedy gold in Pearl and kept using her more and more. To this day, it baffles and genuinely upsets me.

    Now, all that aside….the movie and riffing were very enjoyable. These types of movies were always very ideal for MST3K and I definitely enjoyed it.

    I remember, at the time, feeling that the show had been altered in some ways that were definitively not for the better (PEARL), that I enjoyed some of the newness (Bobo, the idea of being stuck in time and space) and that I was definitely impressed with Bill and the high quality of the riffing.

    In retrospect, I think those assessments still ring true.

       2 likes

  35. ptmbs says:

    in the stock footage of when they go to africa, what’s the “mommy! mommy!” reference they adlibbed over the monkey?

       1 likes

  36. Dan in WI says:

    Mike tries to explain the premise of the show but that prairie dog vac is sure loud. Joel never had this kind of trouble when he explained the premise of the show.

    I really love the idea that the Satellite of Love contains all these things that Mike first starts noticing now (like the prairie dogs and beefalo) even though he’s been here over two seasons now. This becomes a favorite running gag of mine.

    I did enjoy the lawgiving sketch. They led off with an important one: No parking on Sundays.

    Favorite Riffs:
    Over the opening credits: Crow “Ah it’s a Rorschach test.”
    Mike “I see a lot of spilled ink congealing in random patterns.”
    Tom “That means you’re a sexual predator.”

    The Talbots first arrive in Africa to find the youth secret. We see a shot of a stuffed animal head. Mike “Sorry the experiment failed honey.”

    A hyena walks through the shot. Mike “It’s not funny. I just don’t get it.”

    Tom as June when Paul’s pineal juice is harvested “Kill him some more.”

    June is transformed. Tom “So it gave her a wonder bra too?”

    David and June stop while fleeing from an alligator. Crow “We’ve crossed the county line. He has no jurisdiction.”

    June “Do you know where my aunt keeps the liquor?” Mike “There’s never enough to keep. I could show you some stains by the couch.”

    In reaction to the “Bar” sign: Mike “Oh I love going to bar. I usually have sandwich and drink.”

    Mike commenting on June’s shiny dress “You could survive re-entry in that dress.”

       3 likes

  37. Gary Bowden says:

    A pretty good episode,even though the whole “Jed!” got a bit tiring after a while.Did anyone know that Kim Hamilton was married to Werner “Colonel Klink” Klemperer towards the end of his life?

       1 likes

  38. This is one of my favorites. I don’t really know why, all the jokes just hit me right and it’s one just perfect for riffing.

    I especially love the way they take the movie to task for it’s white man’s perspective.

    “Africans just don’t understand Africa”. Had me in tears. It’s such a condescending movie.

       7 likes

  39. Sitting Duck says:

    @ #33: Yes, you are reading too much into it. :P

    Cornjob #79: Although Leech Woman is not as depressing as High School Big Shot, it definitely has the most cynical portrayal of humanity in any MST movie.

    I confess I haven’t actually seen this episode yet, but does it really have a more cynical portrayal of humanity than the Coleman Francis Trilogy of Despair?

       4 likes

  40. Thomas K. Dye says:

    #89: As another movie critic put it, every character in this movie “would sell their grandmother in an instant.”

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  41. Tom Carberry says:

    The jungle guide in this movie is played by John Van Dreelen. Jacques van Drielen Gimberg was born May 5, 1922 in Amsterdam, Netherlands. The son of a celebrated Dutch actor, John may have come by his debonair countenance with a bit of help from his continental pedigree. Fluent in several languages (Dutch, English, French, German and Italian), he was reported to have escaped a concentration camp in Nazi-occupied Holland by disguising himself as one of the German officers he would later play so often on both big and small screens.

    Though he bookended and sprinkled his career with appearances in many European films, Van Dreelen is best remembered as an A-list guest star in dozens of American television shows from the early 1960s to the mid-’80s. Never a major player in American theatrical films, he nonetheless scored a few choice roles, including the Danish concert pianist who rescues and woos Lana Turner during an extended sequence in Madame X (1966). Van Dreelen also enjoyed an international stage career and starred in the original American touring production of “The Sound of Music.” Despite his close identification with despotic roles, he also easily breezed through light drama and comedy and cut a dashing and memorable figure in 1960s pop culture oeuvre. Married three times, he played Captain Von Trapp in the first national tour of “The Sound of Music” opposite Barbara Meister and later Jeannie Carson. He was considered composer Richard Rodgers’s first choice to play the movie role that eventually went to Christopher Plummer.

    Favorite lines:

    The LEECH WOMAN – The Sean Young Saga.
    [old Mala] Eubie Blake. It’s so embarrassing to have to report your own death. Otis Nixon’s twin sister.
    [Philip Terry/Dr. Talbott] Still not my line; do not act.
    Schedule an ermine removal with the receptionist.
    They should just put booze in squeeze bottles.
    Today’s miracle cure: booze.
    [Gloria Talbott/Sally] Well, we kind of are alone. Nursey isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer. The nurse looks like she backed up over her own hair.
    You know, he’s a master of not acting. He’s got built in smug.
    Now get your orthopedic shoes and we’re going out for pudding.
    [John Van Dreelen/guide] I’m citing you for a comb over.
    Still this is better than “Congo”. It’s a really seamless blending of stock footage.
    [Guide] This guy’s been antique hunting, and that’s about it.
    Don’t worry June, it’s just the DTs. Are you ok, how many fingers of scotch am I holding up?
    Something has been frightening the scavengers away.” Marge Schott [owner of Cincinnati Reds 1984-1999]
    A woman made entirely of gravy skin.
    “No, no, it’s Mala.” It’s Janet, Miss Jackson if you’re nasty.
    [Jungle] This looks suspiciously like Griffith Park to me.
    Watch this, she comes out looking like Nancy Culp…They turned her into Leni Riefenstahl. She’s like a week younger. Her breasts have migrated up to her shoulders.
    “Your youth will not last long, do not waste it.” Go get yourself some nasty.
    This guy couldn’t guide you through a petting zoo.
    [Gloria Talbott/Sally] You know, she’s lost control of her hair. Yeah, she’s letting the hair play her. You can’t be scared of your own hair.
    Don’t be alarmed, but there are two ermine fighting it out on your back lady.
    It’s so upsetting to see your Grandma trolling.
    [really old Coleen Gray/June] Barbara Stanwyck…So her hairstyle changed as well.

    Final Thought: What exactly did this movie have to do with Leeches? I give this one 4 out of 5 stars.

       4 likes

  42. Dan in WI says:

    Tom 91> If you are seriously asking the film is comparing anybody who steals the pineal juice to a leech. If you were just asking in jest, never mind…

       1 likes

  43. schippers says:

    If we extend the “extended credits” bit to include Cinematic Titanic, then Grant Williams, who plays the doofus attorney in this film, can also be seen in both Brain of Blood and Doomsday Machine.

    Others have mentioned how cynical and contemptible the characters are in this movie. Later Universal cheapies (I’m looking at you, The Creature Walks Among Us) are similarly (though to not quite the same extent) jaundiced in their view of humanity. It can sometimes be difficult to find a “hero” in the conventional sense of the term in these movies.

    I don’t really have a theory to account for that. I’d suspect the bitterness of the producers and directors and screenwriters, forced to work on material they probably thought was below them (see John Agar’s autobiography), comes through in the final product.

       2 likes

  44. Yipe Striper says:

    whenever i see old women with large rings on, i think of the LEECH WOMAN.

    fav line? “Starfleet forbids it.” in reference to Neal asking “Terri” to marry him.

    classic.

       2 likes

  45. schippers says:

    I should add that by “later” I mean “late period,” not necessarily “those that postdate The Leech Woman.”

       1 likes

  46. huggybear says:

    I’ve always been a fan of these 1950’s-1960’s black and white monster movies. (Okay, I know there’s no “monster” in this one). These types of movies play right into Mst3ks’ wheel house. I mean, they’re trying to be serious, but the end result is so cheesy. Some great riffing in here as all the characters have some kind of flaw. There’s the arrogant, piggish husband, an old woman who looked to be about 120yrs old at filming time, the girl who can’t control her hair, poor lovesick Neil and, of course, the Leech woman herself (played by the underrated Coleen Gray). Overall I like this one alot. It kind of gets lost between 801(The sci-fi era beginning) and 803-The Mole People, a fan favorite. But this one’s definitely worth watching for those who haven’t seen it.

       5 likes

  47. Bill Haverchuck says:

    In my opinion, they’re still finding their mojo in 802. There are bits that work & some of the host segments are enjoyable (I forgot how funny the oft-forgotten Nanites could be when the SOL crew would check in with them from time to time), but it’s mostly just an OK episode. Bill’s still working out the kinks in his version of Crow & the 2 running jokes in this one (“JEEEEEEED!” and “NEEEEEILLLL!”) are both grating right out of the gate. Probably a “C” episode for me, unfortunately…

       1 likes

  48. Mitchell "Rowsdower" Beardsley says:

    As I said last week, I think Season 8 is far and away the best Mike hosted Season of MST3K. To me every episode is a gem, (up until the Mixed up Zombies). This one is no different – just a pleasant surprise coming off Seasons 6 and 7.

    “You can’t be afraid of your own hair.”

       2 likes

  49. JeffMcM says:

    “Hom-Hoom”?

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  50. ToolAssist says:

    This episode is all right. The movie really brings it down. Bill’s starting to improve, and there are some pretty funny riffs, but the movie is really… I don’t really know how to describe it. It’s just a slog.

       0 likes

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