MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000
THE UNOFFICIAL EPISODE GUIDE
SEASON EIGHT: 1997
801- REVENGE OF THE CREATURE
First shown: 2/1/97
Opening: Mike, Tom and Gypsy return to the SOL. They find Crow already there, but he seems different. As
they are about to crash into Earth, Mike saves the ship but cripples it. They contact the planet, and it's NOT
Dr. Forrester who responds!
Intro: After a good scream, Prof. Bobo and Dr. Peanut explain just what's been happening on Earth lately.
Bobo sends a bad movie because it's "Ape Law"
Host segment 1: Servo tries to repair the SOL's engines with a little help from the nanites. Crow still
seems different
Host segment 2: An irate Phil the alien demands to speak to Servo
Host segment 3: Crow may be different, but he makes a great espresso
End: The bots make an embarrasing discovery about the love lives of Mike's descendants. Then they learn
who The Lawgiver is
Stinger: John Agar swims softly and carries a big stick
802- THE LEECH WOMAN
First shown: 2/8/97
Opening: Crow deals with the SOL's prairie dog problem
Intro: The Apes discover that devolution can be fun!
Host segment 1: The nanites are on strike!
Host segment 2: Pearl is forced to give some laws, and asks M&TB for suggestions--and Tom has some!
Host segment 3: The bots plan to get Mike's pineal juices
End: Tom's "Beverly Hillbillies" sketch ends in chaos, but the Apes are oh-so-civilized again
Stinger: The wiley cop outwits his suspect
803- THE MOLE PEOPLE
First shown: 2/15/97
Opening: Crow's goofy eyes make him a "space child"
Intro: The space child is overthrown. While Bobo suffers through the 32nd Annual Lawgiver Daze, Tom offers
baked goods and Crow takes a fall
Host segment 1: Mike tries an imitation of the goofy professor. It brings everyone down...down...down....
Host segment 2: Tom tries--and fails--to sing a ballad about what he's been up to
Host segment 3: Crow the archeologist, searching for evidence of a previous him, has a breakthrough
End: Crow believes there's life beneath the floorboards...and he's right Meanwhile in Deep Ape, The Lawgiver
is presented with a hunky gift
Stinger: "The Load" hits the wall
804- THE DEADLY MANTIS
First shown: 2/22/97
Intro: Tom sets the rules for "Business Casual Day"
Opening: The apes fix their mutant neighbors' thermonuclear device; an alarmed Pearl skeedaddles
Host segment 1: The rumors of Pearl's death are greatly exaggerated and she has a stowaway; Gypsy shakes
her off their tail
Host segment 2: Mike searches for something good on the radio...and fails
Host segment 3: Tom hits something that really likes Crow!
End: Crow serves up juicy revenge, a letter from Dr. Peanut, a last word from Pearl
Stinger: The smarmy corporal out Donny Most-ing
805- THE THING THAT COULDN'T DIE
First shown: 3/1/97
Opening: Artiste Tom creates negative images of patron Crow
Intro: We meet The Observers, super-intelligent beings who carry their brains around with them. Pearl and
Bobo are their guests
Host segment 1: An irritating Observer arrives and observes
Host segment 2: The Observers enable Mike to materialize anyone from his memory
Host segment 3: Crow premieres his documentary on the Civil War
End: Tom has a plan to make Crow do unspeakable acts; Pearl and Bobo get ready for bed
Stinger: Observers
806- THE UNDEAD
First shown: 3/8/97
Opening: Trying to fill in the viewers, Mike vapor-locks
Intro: The Observers test everybody and Servo tests well
Host segment 1: Servo becomes an Observer--then the spoons turn up missing
Host segment 2: The witch from the movie appears, but she's going through some changes
Host segment 3: Mike plays his Digger Smolken album
End: Crow is an imp, Tom and Mike lash out at Leonard Maltin, and Bobo makes a brain sammich
Stinger: Observers
807- TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000
First shown: 3/15/97
Opening: Tom "comfort rates" everything
Intro: The Observers make Pearl and Bobo fight, but the M&TB aren't getting the message
Host segment 1: The Observers offer their superior food
Host segment 2: Mike sends Crow back in time, but soon regrets it
Host segment 3: The Observers croon "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms"
End: Mike sets Crow up with a blind date from the year 5000, while Pearl declares her humanity
Stinger: Observers
808- THE SHE CREATURE
First shown: 4/5/97
Opening: Crow and Tom confuse similiar sounding household products
Intro: The Observers prepare to dissect Bobo, Pearl begs for a distraction, but the nanites provide a Number
7!
Host segment 1: Crow presents the "Tickle Me Carlo Lombardi" doll
Host segment 2: Pearl and Bobo have a stowaway
Host segment 3: Mike demonstrates the non-acting method of Lance Fuller
End: Questions about the movie, and M&TB find they are being held
Stinger: Bobo investigates a planet...closely
809- I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF
First shown: 4/19/97
Opening: Mike is to be removed as captain!
Intro: While camping, Pearl lowers the SOL's shields, and a face hugging alien finds Tom appealing
Host segment 1: Crow's proximity detector detects a lot of humidity
Host segment 2: Servo goes after the alien, but gets stuck, the big crybaby
Host segment 3: It's alien eggs omelets for everyone! But Crow has some criticisms
End: The alien is draining the SOL's energy and Mike is forced to become really repulsive! And at camp,
Pearl tells some scary stories!
Stinger: "People bug me, too!" (Movie stingers return.)
810- THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION
First shown: 5/31/97
Opening: Tom shows spirit, but Mike and Crow only offer MRxL
Intro: The campers recall their trip, Tom portages and Pearl shares some pod-like "zucchini"
Host segment 1: Pod-Gypsy suggests sleep, but Mike is suspicious
Host segment 2: Mike and the bots try to stay awake, while Bobo is skeptical
Host segment 3: Pod-Servo seems convincing, until asked about his "collection"
End: Bobo saves the day, but Pearl declares movie sign again!
Stinger: Pthpthpthp!
811- "PARTS": THE CLONUS HORROR
First shown: 6/7/97
Opening: Mike has a moustache and the bots like it--sort of
Intro: Three runaway space children awaken the campers
Host segment 1: The campers are forced to play games with the kids
Host segment 2: M&TB help Pearl out by putting on a public TV show
Host segment 3: Pearl, Bobo and Observer have "that" chat with the kids
End: Crow has a nosejob, and Tom has written a poem for the kids
Stinger: "Sure!"
812- THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME MIXED-UP ZOMBIES
First shown: 6/14/97
Opening: It's walk-a-thon season
Intro: Pearl is taking the space kids home and has Bobo and Observer send the movie
Host segment 1: The bots try to read Mike's future for 50 cents
Host segment 2: M&TB ask Shelli the Nanite for the "big hair" look
Host segment 3: Crow hires Ortega to cater the break
End: Crow and Tom build a roller coaster; Pearl meets the kids' parents
Stinger: "What do you think we came here for...to eat?"
813- JACK FROST
First shown: 7/12/97
Opening: Mike Nelson IS Lord of the Dance!
Intro: Mike mediates a squabble between Bobo and Brain Guy
Host segment 1: Crow hires a Russian expert: Yakov Smirnoff
Host segment 2: Crow's a bear, while Bobo and Brain Guy find common ground
Host segment 3: Crow hires another Russian expert--or someone like him
End: Tom fails in his attempt to be cute; Bobo and Brain Guy discuss ape movies, but Pearl returns to settle
the matter
Stinger: "Bring on my fiancee!"
814- RIDING WITH DEATH
First shown: 7/19/97
Opening: Mike, who once spent two weeks as a Japanese chef, has a relapse
Intro: Pearl and company are under fire! She begs Mike for air support...and gets it--with world shattering
results!
Host segment 1: Tom sings about the 70s (and the 50s, too)
Host segment 2: Tom acquires a buttless truck driver body
Host segment 3: Crow is Turkey Volume Guessing Man!
End: Mike, Crow and Tom spoof the end of the film, while Pearl is weighed down with medals
Stinger: Jim Stafford is really happy!
815- AGENT FOR H.A.R.M.
First shown: 8/2/97
Opening: M&TB are into "extreme" things
Intro: Mike is put on trial for crimes against the universe!
Host segment 1: Pearl and Bobo give their opening statements
Host segment 2: The bots give their video depositions
Host segment 3: Observer takes the stand
End: Crow and Tom hold a candlelight vigil, and the judge gives his verdict and sentence
Stinger: Spaz chop!
816- PRINCE OF SPACE
First shown: 8/16/97
Opening: Crow and Tom's "Dog and Bear" game gets out of hand
Intro: Bobo, then the Widowmaker, then the SOL are dragged into a wormhole
Host segment 1: M&TB are unstuck in time
Host segment 2: Mike is transformed into a small robot
Host segment 3: The wormhole deposits M&TB in a rather lovely sylvan glen
End: All seems normal again on the SOL (except for the presense of Krankor), but Pearl and Observer have
arrived on Earth in Roman times!
Stinger: The Phantom says: "Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!"
817- HORROR OF PARTY BEACH
First shown: 9/6/97
Opening: Tom harmonizes his overtones with the fundamental
Intro: Servo's "fundamental" turns out to be pre-recorded; meanwhile "Apearlo" and "Brainguyus"
settle in with a delighted Callipygeas and suspicious Flavia
Host segment 1: The manly beach dance is postponed because Mike's trunks are a bit small
Host segment 2: Apearlo & Brainguyus' jam becomes a beef commercial
Host segment 3: Tom's a newsy with very up-to-date news
End: M&TB sing "Sodium;" meanwhile as Callipygeas and Brainguyus bond, Apearlo and Flavia
trade...er...pleasantries
Stinger: A less-than-manly beach dance
818- DEVIL DOLL
First shown: 10/4/97
Opening: It's Friday at the dorm and M&TB have a window!
Intro: The window is going back, but a drunken Crow smashes it; while Apearlo and Brainguyus liven up a
dull Roman party with pants
Host segment 1: Crow expresses interest in Pitch's line of devil dolls, Mike disapproves
Host segment 2: The bots set up a British pub, with a *very* stout ale on tap
Host segment 3: Pitch helps Crow transfer Servo's soul, Mike disapproves.
End: Crow dresses Mike up as Hugo, Mike disapproves. Meanwhile Apearlo and Brainguys, attending Lesser God
Day at the Colosseum, see a familar face!
Stinger: Hugo takes a licking and keeps on ticking
819- INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN
First shown: 10/11/97
Opening: Tom and Crow worry about Mike's eyelash mites.
Intro: The nanites take on the mites; The Mad Goth (Bobo) is getting more attention than goddess Apearlo
Host segment 1: Mike's love of Noh theater causes confusion
Host segment 2: Tom comes down with Roji Panty complex; Pearl and Observer have no luck with Bobo
Host segment 3: M&TB are near despair, then Krankor visits
End: Crow has some suggestions, while a conk on the head from Pearl restores Bobo's memory, with unfortunate
consequences
Stinger: Little boy faw down
820- SPACE MUTINY
First shown: 11/7/97
Opening: Crow and Tom think Mike's encyclopedias are outdated
Intro: Mike has new encyclopedias; Pearl, Bobo and Observer are in prison
Host segment 1: Mike's tea time is interrupted by the bots trashing some escape pods
Host segment 2: Crow's a Bellerian...or is he?; Bobo's escape plan fails
Host segment 3: Servo installs railings
End: Tom is buff, Crow less so. Meanwhile Pearl, Bobo and Observer escape, and a fire begins!
Stinger: Our hero bravely screams like a girl and bails out
821- TIME CHASERS
First shown: 11/22/97
Opening: Mike explains what's happened since the last show, but Tom just needs him to say "Lost in
Space"
Intro: Mike & Pearl have a nice chat
Host segment 1: Tom sends Crow back in time to convince Mike the dude to stop taking temp jobs
Host segment 2: Crow succeeds and, returning to the SOL, finds Mike's surly big brother Eddie in Mike's
place, and learns that Mike's new future was worse than the old one
Host segment 3: Having seen the future, Crow returns to the past to keep Crow from performing his mission
End: Mike refuses to say what needs to be said, and, during another nice chat, Pearl points out a troubling
detail
Stinger: "Matt, it's time for you decide if you're gonna be one of my team players or not"
822- OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK
First shown: 12/6/97
Opening: Crow wants to cash in on his catchphrase: "You know you want me, baby!"
Intro: Mike tries to find himself a catchphrase, while Public Pearl TV begins its dubious pledge drive
Host segment 1: Crow & Tom order a monkey, which escapes and throws stuff
Host segment 2: While Mike continues to struggle with Henry the monkey, PPTV presents a preview of "Pearl!
Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! Pearl!"
Host segment 3: Tom asks to be doppled to the nanite world, and soon regrets it
End: Bobo tries and fails to talk Henry down, so Mike takes deplorable action. Meanwhile, Pearl is counting
her ill-gotten gain
Stinger: "'m I nuts?"
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Three
Season Four | Season Five | Season Six | Season
Seven | Season Eight
Season Nine | Season Ten | The Shorts (chrono) | The Shorts (alpha)
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