MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000
THE UNOFFICIAL EPISODE GUIDE
SEASON FIVE: 1993-1994
501- WARRIOR OF THE LOST WORLD
First shown: 7/24/93
Opening: Crow disrupts Servo's formal welcome
Invention exchange: The square master, bittersweet hearts
Host segment 1: Hot slot bots!
Host segment 2: Trying to get a post-apocalyptic driving permit
Host segment 3: Things to do after the apocalypse
End: Phone call from Megaweapon, letter, the Mads enjoy an active lifestyle
Stinger: The Paper Chase Guy checkin' out the babe
First shown: 7/17/93
Opening: Casual day on the SOL
Invention exchange: Cellular desk, instant karma
Host segment 1: Constellations for the '90s
Host segment 2: Wondering about a '70s rock band
Host segment 3: Crow does the 'Match Game' by himself
End: The botsdiscuss Amazons, then some visit on the Hexfield, Frank is still at the desk
Stinger: "He's like something out of a bad dream!"
503- SWAMP DIAMONDS
with short: "WHAT TO DO ON A DATE"
First shown: 7/31/93
Opening: The bots are obsessed with the 'Spock in love' "Star Trek" episode
Invention exchange: U-view, Andrew Lloyd Webber grill
Host segment 1: Tom wants to date Gypsy
Host segment 2: He calls Gypsy to ask for a date
Host segment 3: They go out on a date, briefly
End: Tom thought the date went well, Gypsy dumps him, letter, Frank is watching himself
Stinger: "Ssssssssshut up!"
504- SECRET AGENT SUPER DRAGON
First shown: 8/7/93
Opening: Crow and Tom build an annoying robot
Invention exchange: Virtual comedy, micro-golf
Host segment 1: The jazzy "Secret Agent Super Dragon" theme
Host segment 2: J&TB read through Crow's latest screenplay: "The Spy Who Hugged Me"
Host segment 3: J&TB discuss spy movie post-kill puns
End: Dr. F.'s super-villain conference call
Stinger: Jumping the Super Dragon, with xylophone accompaniment
505- MAGIC VOYAGE OF SINBAD
First shown: 8/14/93
Opening: The SOL-tie awards
Invention exchange: Chin-der wear, rat pack chess set
Host segment 1: Meeting of the Junior Jester Club
Host segment 2: The bearded town council debates the Sinbad problem
Host segment 3: Crow's lifelong quest thingy goes awry
End: The bots are amazed by Joel's channel cat puppet, letter, Frank meets Mr. Fistie
Stinger: Laughing horse
First shown: 8/28/93
Opening: Deep frozen Crow
Invention exchange: Pork-orina, replacing Frank's blood
Host segment 1: Subtle forms of hell
Host segment 2: The bots alter Joel's face to look like Arch Hall Jr.
Host segment 3: Why '60s sitcoms are run by single dads
End: Washing the movie off the bots, letter, Frank's fluid change
Stinger: "Fake it." "That's what I've BEEN doing. Now I'm getting sick!"
507- I ACCUSE MY PARENTS
with short: "THE TRUCK FARMER"
First shown: 9/4/93
Opening: Tom Servo is naked!
Invention exchange: Cake 'n' shake, junk drawer organizer
Host segment 1: Joel analyzes the bots' art therapy projects
Host segment 2: J&TB reenact the night club scene from the movie
Host segment 3: J&TB analyze troubled Jimmy from the movie
End: J&TB reenact the cafe scene from movie, letter, digging out Rodney
Stinger: "What? What's so funny?"
508- OPERATION DOUBLE 007
First shown: 9/11/93
Opening: Tom is enjoying Joel's home movies, which scares Crow
Invention exchange: Lederhosen-hosen, Sara the bobbin' buzzard
Host segment 1: Joel's is a evil supervillian!..."I know!"
Host segment 2: The Sean & Neal show: parallel lives
Host segment 3: Joel tries to hypnotize Tom, Torgo returns
End: Dr. F. uses his magnetizer
Stinger: "Thunderball" pushes the button
509- GIRL IN LOVER'S LANE
First shown: 9/18/93
Opening: Bot bellybuttons
Invention exchange: Evil baseball promotions, "Don Martins"
Host segment 1: Song: "What a Pleasant Journey"
Host segment 2: Tbe bots want to reenact the pool hall scene
Host segment 3: Crow Elam
End: Furious about the ending of the movie, the bots devise new endings, letters, Frank devises endings
Stinger: "Are you waiting for a bus?"
510- THE PAINTED HILLS
with short: "BODY CARE & GROOMING"
First shown: 9/26/93
Opening: Crow is Jay Leno, complete with chin
Invention exchange: Cholester-do all, back-talk
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom debate the messy woman in the short
Host segment 2: Reports on bearded guys include Crow's paper on Rutherford B. Hayes
Host segment 3: Crow is crushed into an ingot
End: Discussing the Lassie's culpability, Dr. F. tries to revive Frank
Stinger: Naughty girl goes into the shower
First shown: 10/9/93
Opening: "Blowing" up Tom's head
Invention exchange: The scanner planner, new whiffle items
Host segment 1: Funeral talk
Host segment 2: The Gypsy Express
Host segment 3: Tom demonstrates quantum linear super-position
End: The '70s: A pretty foul decade, deep fried letter, Dr. F. scans Frank!
Stinger: "What about our clothes?"
First shown: 10/23/93
Opening: Joel's toothpicky creation
Invention exchange: Daktari stool; the Mads are being audited, so they've hired a temp by the name of Mike
Host segment 1: Gypsy overhears the Mads plotting Mike's death and thinks they're talking about Joel
Host segment 2: A worried Gypsy tries to think of a way to get Joel off the SOL; Crow and Tom are no help
Host segment 3: Mike learns of a hidden escape pod, and gives Gypsy control
End: Joel is ejected into the escape pod, leaving behind a plaque and a final word; Dr. F. is furious...until
Mike presents his time card.
Stinger: "Your lying through your teeth!" "Buzz off!" "No, you buzz off!"
"I SAID BUZZ OFF, KID!"
513- THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE
First shown: 10/30/93
Opening: Mike's been in training
Invention exchange: The gutter-bumber-shoot, the dream buster
Host segment 1: Mike tries to get control of the SOL, but that's not cheese!
Host segment 2: Designing hats for Jan in the pan
Host segment 3: The movie's hateful message; Mike shares an embarrassing moment from his past
End: A visit from Jan on the Hexfield; Dr. F. is inspired!
Stinger: "Who's to tell me to blow if I don't want to?"
514- TEEN-AGE STRANGLER
with short: "IS THIS LOVE?"
First shown: 11/7/93
Opening: Mike tries to phone his grandma
Invention exchange: Frank-n-forcer, waiter-baiter
Host segment 1: What is love?
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom want to rumble, but Mike intervenes
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom have a gadget that will make Mike act like Mikey
End: Song: "I'm a Janitor;" Dr. F. cleans up after Frank
Stinger: "And he didn't steal no bike neither...I did!"
515- WILD, WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN
with short: "CHEATING"
First shown: 11/13/93
Opening: The game is blackjack
Invention exchange: Atomic powered hair dryer, razor-back
Host segment 1: There are unanswered questions about the short, so Mike assigns essays
Host segment 2: The bots write essays, but Crow cheats!
Host segment 3: Mike, Tom & Gypsy meet to decide what to do about Crow
End: Crow responds to the charges against him, letter, Dr. F. likes his new atomic hair style
Stinger: A batgirl puts the bite on the wormy guy
516- ALIEN FROM L.A.
First shown: 11/20/93
Opening: Boot camp at Fort SOL
Invention exchange: Vend-a-gut, fridge udders
Host segment 1: Who's that supermodel?
Host segment 2: Song: "My Wild Irish Ireland"
Host segment 3: The "guess Kathy's emotions" game
End: Nothing more to say about the movie, letter, Frank loses count
517- BEGINNING OF THE END
First shown: 11/25/93
Opening: Wrong number
Invention exchange: Re-comfy bike, new playing cards
Host segment 1: Mike calls the Mads and catches them off guard
Host segment 2: Crow's latest screenplay: "Peter Graves Goes to the University of Minnesota"
Host segment 3: Tom's standup routine is heavy on grasshopper jokes
End: "No grasshoppers before this film," post-card, Bert I. Gordon special effects, Mads are boxing
Stinger: "Alright, men. Into the woods!"
518- THE ATOMIC BRAIN
with short: "WHAT ABOUT JUVENILE DELINQUENCY"
First shown: 12/4/93
Opening: Final dress rehearsal for "Love Letters"
Invention exchange: The Mads, Crow and Tom Servo
Host segment 1: Tom is Weather Servo 9
Host segment 2: Mike demonstrates chin puppetry
Host segment 3: Magic Voice chats with the film's voice-over guy
End: Crow is Hank Kimball--The Fugitive, letters, "Dr." Frank meets Dr. Fist
Stinger: Spanish for "AAAAAAAH!"
First shown: 12/11/93
Opening: M&TB are roughhousing
Invention exchange: Really real time machine, Fabio kit
Host segment 1: Memories of Mike's acting career
Host segment 2: Song: "Tubular Boobular Joy"
Host segment 3: M&TB read relevant passages from "Palance on Palance"
End: Buffalo shots!, the Mads dance through the years
Stinger: "Get out of here, you disGUSting WOORRRRRM!"
520- RADAR SECRET SERVICE
with short: "LAST CLEAR CHANCE"
First shown: 12/18/93
Opening: Mike performs Crow's maintenance checkup, but has no idea what he's doing
Invention exchange: Mike's escape plan, Hypno-helio-static-stasis
Host segment 1: Trooper Tom presents: "Why Don't They Look?"
Host segment 2: The bots simulate Mike's 10-year high school reunion
Host segment 3: Mike and Crow build the Quinn Martin Nature Preserve
End: The Mads are beaten by Ecstato-euphoro-fun
Stinger: Hysterical maid
521- SANTA CLAUS
First shown: 12/24/93
Opening: A caroling attempt ends in disaster
Intro: Inappropriate gifts are exchanged
Host segment 1: Rock band Santa Klaws performs
Host segment 2: The bots arrange a Nelson family reunion
Host segment 3: An all-inclusive politically correct holiday song: "Merry Christmas...If That's Okay"
End: On the SOL, it's a snow day! In Deep 13, Pitch and Santa fight it out
Stinger: Laughing mechanical reindeer
522- TEEN-AGE CRIME WAVE
First shown: 1/15/94
Opening: Another escape attempt
Intro: Mace mousse, the escape plan fails
Host segment 1: The golden age of the "doughy guy"
Host segment 2: The first deli in space
Host segment 3: Mystos!
End: Tom delivers some letters; Frank is "Doughy Man" but Dr. F. sprays him again, again, and
Stinger: "TURN IT OFF!"
523- VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS
First shown: 1/22/94
Opening: Quarterly workout
Intro: Dr. F. downsizes TV's Frank!
Host segment 1: Checking up on Frank, Dr. F. interviews Torgo
Host segment 2: M&TB sign a card for Frank, then interview him
Host segment 3: Song: "The Greatest Frank"
End: A letter to Frank, Torgo is fired!
Stinger: Tribute to Frank Zappa
524- 12 TO THE MOON
with short: "DESIGN FOR DREAMING"
First shown: 2/5/94
Opening: Gypsy's tea party
Intro: Frank roasts Dr. F., Tom has a tennis tantrum
Host segment 1: Nuveena pops in
Host segment 2: M&TB prepare to leave with Nuveena
Host segment 3: Nuveena makes Crow and Tom into the appliances, Mike disapproves, so she pops out
End: Letters, Nuveena pops into and out of Deep 13
Stinger: "Ahh, ridiculous!"
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