MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000
THE UNOFFICIAL EPISODE GUIDE
SEASON NINE: 1998
901- THE PROJECTED MAN
First shown: 3/14/98
Opening: The SOL exits the wormhole; they're back orbiting the Earth in the present
Intro: Pearl arrives at Castle Forrester, the Forrester ancestral home; she decides to move in
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom have invented a projecting machine--or have they?
Host segment 2: Mike tries to convince Lembach to stay; Pearl learns more family history
Host segment 3: Crow acquires the Touch of Death, and accidentally kills Mike
End: Tom and Crow vie to get funding from Mike's new foundation; while in Castle Forrester Pearl rededicates
herself to taking over the world
Stinger: Lembach is staying!
902- THE PHANTOM PLANET
First shown: 3/21/98
Opening: Crow and Tom challenge Mike to an Andy Rooney-off
Intro: Pearl's World Domination Starter Kit arrives from Speigel, but the all-important "thing"
has been mis-delivered to the SOL
Host segment 1: Mike and Tom focus their attention on the Good and the Beautiful
Host segment 2: Mike slips Crow's mind; spooky sounds in Castle Forrester turn out to be less than other-worldly
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom, having taken up water glass rim music, invite Mike to try it, and soon regret
that they did
End: Crow is baffled and enraged by his Solarite costume; Pearl despairs of taking over the world until
torch-wielding neighbors arrive
Stinger: The "Good and the Beautiful" are extolled
903- PUMA MAN
First shown: 4/4/98
Opening: Tom has Short Man's Syndrome
Intro: Tom is better; Pearl's ball is somewhat under-attended, while Observer has Ortega and some buddies
over
Host segment 1: Mike offends Shelli the Nanite, so his dry look does not come out well
Host segment 2: Mike has been chosen to be Coatimundi Man
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom capture the mind of Roger Whitaker
End: Crow resigns briefly; while a guest finally arrives at Pearl's party
Stinger: Puma Man is defenestrated
904- WEREWOLF
First shown: 4/18/98
Opening: Mike thinks he's James Lipton
Intro: After being de-Liptonized, Mike attempts to escape down a ladder to Earth, only to arrive at Castle
Forrester
Host segment 1: Mike and Tom present who would be in their werewolf movie, but Crow isn't as good at it
Host segment 2: M&TB sing "Where, o, werewolf"
Host segment 3: Mike has become a werecrow!
End: Mike is still Crow, Tom has become Mike; in Castle Forrester, Bobo ruins Pearl's attempt to create
a werewolf
Stinger: "This is absolutely fascinating!"
905- THE DEADLY BEES
First shown: 5/9/98
Opening: Previously on the Satellite of Love...
Intro: The Observers are back...and they're pissed
Host segment 1: Crow offers a sonnet to the cigarette hag in the movie
Host segment 2: Pearl, Bobo and Observer perform the "Please Stay" operetta
Host segment 3: Mike communicates as a bee
End: The Observers have it out and Brain Guy is victorious
Stinger: "The dog's meat! Have you seen it?"
906- THE SPACE CHILDREN
with short: "CENTURY 21 CALLING"
First shown: 6/13/98
Opening: Tom's kissing booth
Intro: Pearl's officing fails
Host segment 1: Mike's the kid from the short! Bonk!
Host segment 2: M&TB's model rocket; Pearl has a space program
Host segment 3: Crow lashes out with Jackie Coogan fashions
End: The peace loving blob visits; Pearl's space program has a problem
Stinger: Dead Professor
907- HOBGOBLINS
First shown: 6/27/98
Opening: Unintentional on-turning
Intro: M&TB mistreat Pearl's couch, and soon regret it
Host segment 1: Crow presents: "Let's Talk Women!"
Host segment 2: Bobo calls Crow's crisis hotline
Host segment 3: Pearl is only briefly fooled by Mike's cutouts
End: Servo has solved the Rick Sloane problem...or has he?; Pearl expresses her disappointment
Stinger: The hobgoblins go for a ride
908- THE TOUCH OF SATAN
First shown: 7/11/98
Opening: The bots seek wassail
Intro: Mike finds a wassail loophole; Steffi the babysitter's reign of terror
Host segment 1: Mike learns that walnut ranching is hard work
Host segment 2: Crow tries a test to see if he's a witch
Host segment 3: Grandma Servo attacks
End: Crow sells his soul to Stan; storytime with Steffi
Stinger: "This is where the fish lives."
909- GORGO
First shown: 7/18/98
Opening: Crow's head has become a nesting place of the Spix's macaw.
Intro: Observer & Bobo's arm wrestling match is interrupted by a transmission from Pearl and...Leonard
Maltin!
Host segment 1: "Waiting For Gorgo"
Host segment 2: The William Sylvester edition of Trivial Pursuit
Host segment 3: The Nanite's circus encounters tragedy
End: The women of "Gorgo," Pearl & Leonard continue to plot
Stinger: Irish fisherman says "Blow it out your..." something.
910- THE FINAL SACRIFICE
First shown: 7/25/98
Opening: With the power shut down, the bots go looting
Intro: Pearl decides to rule the world...one person at a time
Host segment 1: Servo's song--a tribute to Canada--goes horribly wrong
Host segment 2: Everybody (but Mike) contracts Hockey Hair
Host segment 3: Mike comes down with a case of Grizzled Old Prospector Syndrome
End: The bots have formed a muffiny cult; Pearl has another victim
Stinger: "Rowsdower...?"
911- DEVIL FISH
First shown: 8/15/98
Opening: Mike loses his identity...or does he?
Intro: Pearl's cruise ship scheme requires M&TB to make ice sculptures.
Host segment 1: M&TB learn that dolphins are smart...and touchy!
Host segment 2: M&TB learn not to taunt electricians.
Host segment 3: Pearl's Italian filter malfunctions
End: Crow tries to think of animal combos, while dinner at the Captain's table doesn't go well.
Stinger: "It's right underneath us!" "I knowwwww!"
912- THE SCREAMING SKULL
with short: "ROBOT RUMPUS"
First shown: 8/29/98
Opening: Tom has become a beautiful butterfly.
Intro: Tom's still a butterfly, but you can't really tell; Pearl, Observer and Bobo pull a not-so-fast one
on M&TB.
Host segment 1: The bots try to work through the pain of the Gumby short
Host segment 2: The bots try to scam a free coffin
Host segment 3: Crow, disguised as a screaming skull, freaks Mike out
End: The coffin arrives from Coffins Etc.; Bobo fails to pull an even-less fast one on M&TB.
Stinger: Hubby flings his stool.
913- QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS
First shown: 9/26/98
Opening: Crow's in the shop, but the loaner Crow has a radio!
Intro: Worried about a lack of results in her experiment, Pearl trades places with Mike!
Host segment 1: Pearl completes her observations, while Mike, Bobo and Observer enjoy a guy's night.
Host segment 2: The Sir Thomas "Neville" Servo Consort of the Middle Ages Just After the Plague
Singers performs an ancient Air on a Delta Knight.
Host segment 3: Leonardo Da Vinci visits, and he's a good fella.
End: The bots mourn the loss of Pearl; the annual Delta Knights Pancake Breakfast is a success.
Stinger: Even his co-star is embarrassed by Mr. "I'm Coming!!"
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