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MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000
THE UNOFFICIAL EPISODE GUIDE
SEASON TEN: 1999
First shown: April 11, 1999.
Opening: The bots are confused about why their "wet
T-shirt contest" is so dull; commercial sign
Intro: The malfunctions on the SOL get worse; Pearl and
the gang don't care
Host segment 1: With Gypsy malfunctioning, Mike tries to
take command, with the expected results.
Host segment 2: *Everything* goes wrong on the SOL, but
nobody in Castle Forrester can help because a soultaker
has appeared--and it's TV'S FRANK!
Host segment 3: The mysterious visitor who saved the ship
appears on the bridge--and it's JOEL! He fills
in the bots on what he's been up to, and he and Mike share a tender
End: Joel's completes repairs on the SOL, says hi to
Frank, and departs with some uplifting words to M&TB;
in Castle Forrester, Bobo and Frank hit it off.
Stinger: Mom ogles her daughter (ew!).
1002- THE GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS
First shown: April 18, 1999.
Opening: Crow explains his WWBSMD bracelet; Pearl has
Intro: More bracelets; Pearl, seeking board certification
from the Institute of Mad Scientists, impresses
the visiting inspector.
Host segment 1: Crow exacts petty, childish revenge on
Host segment 2: Crow is shakin' his moneymaker, much to
Host segment 3: Mike sings in the rain, causing much havoc.
End: The movie has caused M&TB dress like the ugly
thug in the movie and chuckle; this fails to impress
the inspector--but Brain Guy does!
Stinger: "Oh, God, I wish I had that pretty mind back!"
1003- MERLIN'S SHOP OF MYSTICAL WONDERS
First shown: September 12, 1999.
Opening: M&TB are into 1920s-era college pranks.
Intro: Pearl's latest IMS assignment makes Servo a
despotic ruler, briefly, though Bobo taints the control
Host segment 1: "Niche reviewers" Crow and Servo review
each other; both get panned.
Host segment 2: Servo acquires a magical spell book,
which turns Mike into an infant. Waah.
Host segment 3: Mike shows off his collection of Ernest
Borgnine childrens' books, which are decidedly dark.
End: Pearl sends Bobo to the SOL disguised as an evil toy
monkey, but M&TB send him back; Pearl sums
up her progress, while Brain Guy tries the vacuum-bump bit on Bobo.
Stinger: Little kid sings: "Rock 'n' roll martian..."
1004- FUTURE WAR
First shown: April 25, 1999.
Opening: The Bots calculate how many times a lady Gypsy
Intro: Pearl conducts LSD experiments on the bots.
Host segment 1: Tom makes a pair of legs so he can
kickbox, but Gypsy has a leg up on him.
Host segment 2: M&TB thank Pearl for not killing
them, which puts a crimp in her plans.
Host segment 3: Droppy the Water Droplet visits.
End: Mike has a biiig chin; Pearl explodes Bobo and Brain
Guy's plans for going on the road.
Stinger: The future warrior's shirt is head-butted right off.
1005- BLOOD WATERS OF DR. Z
First shown: May 2, 1999.
Opening: Crow enjoys a nice chaw.
Intro: Crow labels his chaw cans; Pearl conducts a
maternal love deprivation experiment.
Host segment 1: Mike becomes wedged in the bulkhead of
Crow's evil voiceover
Host segment 2: Gone fishin'.
Host segment 3: Brain Guy & Bobo demonstrate Crow
& Tom's naked acting theory.
End: Crow & Tom show off their specialized food
carrying cases; Pearl's mer-monkey has an admirer.
Stinger: "Sargassum! The weed of deceit!"
1006- BOGGY CREEK II
First shown: May 9, 1999.
Opening: Crow and Mike's Cub Scout meeting is crashed by
Servo the Brownie.
Intro: Now Servo's a Flemish glass blower; Pearl's
potato-powered evil plan.
Host segment 1: M&TB's flashbacks get fuzzier and
Host segment 2: Pearl cooks up a monster legend, complete
with haunting, evocative folk song.
Host segment 3: Tom takes up whittling in a big way.
End: Crow's tends to his fires; Pearl's legend biz gets
kicked in the ankle
Stinger: "I saw the little creature." "Nooo!!"
1007- TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST
First shown: June 13, 1999.
Opening: Crow and Tom are blossoming everything.
Intro: Mike's attempts to escape using a remote-control
Host segment 1: The bots rush the Halloween season, and
hollow embarrassment ensues.
Host segment 2: This week on Legends of Rock: The Band
That Played "California Lady."
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom rig a remote camera, and
catch a glimpse of Mike's disturbing bedtime routines.
End: Crow has injured a baby satellite, but soon all is
well; Brain Guy and a brain-exposed Bobo bond, much
to Pearl's displeasure.
Stinger: "Moon rocks? Oh, wow!"
1008- FINAL JUSTICE
First shown: June 20, 1999.
Opening: Tom considers the unexplored implications of the
song "Owner of a Lonely Heart."
Intro: M&TB are plagued by Yes orchestra hits; Pearl
encourages humor in the workplace.
Host segment 1: M&TB demonstrate to Pearl how
repeating the same sequence can be annoying.
Host segment 2: Crow & Tom encounter cute little
Goosio. They hogpile him.
Host segment 3: Crow's report on Malta includes a good
deal of slander on the subject of Maltese men.
End: Having suffered through a really bad Joe Don Baker
movie, Mike assumes it's his turn to escape. He's
wrong, the poor dope. Meanwhile, Funny Dress-Up Day at Castle Forrester
takes a horrifying turn.
Stinger: "Yew think yew kin take me? Go 'head on. It's
First shown: June 27, 1999
Opening: Tom Servo is now Htom Sirveaux.
Intro: Crow has a name change too; Mike interrupts
Pearl's plan with Three Card Monty -- which she loses,
allowing Mike to pick the movie.
Host segment 1: Crow & Tom's plan to be the ghost of
one of Mike's dead relatives quickly unravels.
Host segment 2: Crow & Tom give Mike a preview of
their percussion version of "Hamlet."
Host segment 3: Time once again to play "Alas Poor Who?"
End: Crow & Tom show off their Hamlet action figure,
with real soliloquy action; in Castle Forrester,
a snotty Fortenbras demands his due.
Stinger: Claudius does a double take.
1010- IT LIVES BY NIGHT
First shown: July 18, 1999.
Opening: Mike quizzes Crow & Tom on colors and the
moods they cause.
Intro: Pearl tries tactical misdirection so M&TB
won't notice that she's spraying poison on them, causing
Host segment 1: Mike & Tom can't deny that they
didn't forget that Crow's not Mary Tyler Moore.
Host segment 2: Finding Mike unconscious and foaming at
the mouth, Crow & Tom assume the worst.
Host segment 3: Mike seeks Pearl's opinion on his new
moustache, but Crow's larger 'stache impresses her
more. Tom takes the premise too far, however.
End: Tom is dissatisfied by his franchisee kit from the
Buddy Ebsen Hat Distressing Corporation; Pearl tortures
Bobo and Brain Guy with slides from her many honeymoons.
Stinger: Bat guy says "Well?" then convulses.
1011- HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND
First shown: July 25, 1999.
Opening: Mike finds out that Crow has a syndicated
Intro: Pearl has moved Castle Forrester to a new
Host segment 1: Mike gets himself trapped in the giant
spider web Crow and Tom have put up.
Host segment 2: Mike is auditioning dancers, and Pearl,
Brain Guy and Bobo try out.
Host segment 3: M&TB want to know if it's true that
you become languid and sexy when you survive a crash--and
there's only one way to find out.
End: Mike has become a giant spider--well, sort of; as
Pearl calls in from a rest stop on the way to moving
Castle Forrester back, Bobo finds some toys.
Stinger: The girls scream from the void.
with short: "A CASE OF SPRING FEVER"
First shown: August 1, 1999.
Opening: The SOL's annual safety check reveals a
surprising lack of same.
Intro: Pearl is throwing a Castle Forrester Fair, and Tom
and Crow's livestock entry surprises Mike.
Host segment 1: Crow rashly wishes that Mike didn't
exist, and sure enough, Mikey the sprite appears to
grant his wish and enforce Crow and Tom's somewhat reluctant repentance.
Host segment 2: Tom comes down with severe Southern
Host segment 3: Mike's plan to create mutant killer worms
instead results in a tasty snack.
End: Crow takes a fall from his reeeally high platorm
shoes; Pearl forces Brain Guy demonstrate the Fair's
bungee jump attraction, which has some flaws.
Stinger: "You gon' be da worm face!"
First shown: August 8, 1999.
Opening: M&TB discover the SOL employee handbook,
which seems not entirely progressive.
Intro: Pearl has a new joystick to mess with the SOL, but
it breaks, accidentally causing the SOL to begin
landing. M&TB are thrilled (though Crow is nauseous); Pearl is less
Host segment 1: Crow and Mike are packed; while Servo
begins disposing of the many extra hims on the ship.
Host segment 2: In Castle Forrester, everybody is lining
up new gigs: Pearl has accepted an offer to be
dictator for life of Qatar, Bobo has a great new position at the zoo
and Brain Guy has...um...lots of stuff going
Host segment 3: Crow has become fearful of returning to
Earth, so Mike sings a little reassuring song, which
helps, but also succeeds in scaring Servo.
End: The SOL nearly disintigrates during re-entry, but
M&TB survive the crash. We leave Mike, Crow and
Servo (Gypsy has launched ConGypsCo) happily sharing a small apartment,
and settling in to watch a bad movie--"The
Crawling Eye"--on TV. As they begin to riff on it, it occurs to Crow
that the movie seems familar. --FADE
Stinger: "Is that stud coming?"
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