Bill's New Year's Resolutions for 1999

by Bill Corbett

Corbett here, saying Happy New Year to all! We are now in 1999. I trust you are all partying like it is, in fact, this year. This is the year when Martin Landau and Barbara Bain are supposed to be tooling around Space on Moonbase Alpha. Guess that's not gonna be happening. But still, 1999! That's way up there.

The impressive calendar date makes solid New Year's resolutions all the more imperative. I've done the prudent thing and made a whole mess of 'em. That way I'm bound to hit at least one. Law of averages. Anyway, here are a couple:

To stop relying on breathing as my main source of oxygen. It's become a bad habit.
To collect every single copy of Armageddon, even if it takes my whole life, and change the ending so that Bruce Willis dies twice.
To make more pecan pie. In fact, to make any pecan pie.
To be loved, and not love in return. That would be so cool! And easy!
To dance more! Or to watch more dancers down at that club, whichever.
To find out why Rowsdower's friends were inspired to nickname him "Zap."
To use staplers more.
To get off those antibiotics. (A special thanks to India for the assist on that one)
To be more 'spontaneous,' if I can find the time to pencil it in my Franklin Planner.
To learn a lot more about Harry Morgan. Who is he? What's he about? What does he want of us? Ask me this time next year and I can tell you.
To, in general, boil stuff.

It goes on and on and on from there, a couple more dozen. There's no end to the improving and perfecting I need! In fact, I better write a whole bunch more. See you later. Have a wonderful new year and thanks for watching our humble show!

[posted 1/99]