Bit: The Crawling Forrest Tucker

Episode: 101- The Crawling Eye

Transcription by Bill Evenson


Crow: Oh, Joel! It was so horrifying!
Joel: Yeah, really? You think so?
Tom: So ugly! So hideous!
Joel: Uh, yeah, that was some eye, wasn't it?
Crow: No, not the eye, we're talking about Forrest Tucker.
Tom: Oh, yeah, all that Vitalis, those prop glasses, and those heavy...dramatic... pauses. I'm drained!
Joel: No, you guys. No, you got it wrong. You see, the eye is what's horrible about this movie. Think about it. Otherwise it would've been called "The Crawling Forrest Tucker"!
Tom: I guess. Joel, what's so scary about a big eye, anyway?
Joel: Oh, I see. Well, that's another human being thing. You know, anytime we're confronted with some, uh, appendage of ours that's disconnected and free-roaming, rogue, you know, genetically bloated to ten times its normal size, we're automatically scared.
Crow: Especially if they run in packs!
Joel: Yeah!
Tom: Ho, ho. I know what you mean. Once I got hassled by a pack of really tough pituitary glands. And you know how immature they can be.
Crow: I still don't see why it's so scary. You could just walk up to it and throw salt at it!
Tom: Or just a squeeze of lemon juice!
Joel: Right, I know, it's kind of a plot hole. But, let's kind of look it over. You see, these... Okay, these giant eyes come from a world that's designed for them, you know? It's completely compatible, like their highways are made out of nerf, and, um, oh, they don't have to take shop classes.
Crow: And they only use baby shampoo?
Joel: Right. Right, exactly. So anyway, they come down from this planet and they decide to land on a mountain peak.
Tom: Which is really stupid, because as we all know, a giant sharp point is the giant eye's natural enemy.
Joel: Bingo. So anyway, they come down, and, uh, they fouled up their atmosphere somehow. I don't know, it's hay fever season, or something, and they figured they'd come down to Earth, we'll have our first frost already done with. So, they come down, and they have no concept of anything at all, like wearing safety glasses, or protective eyewear of any kind.
Crow: Joel, I think we've already spent more time examining this plot than the writers ever did.
Tom: (Abruptly snaps head towards Cambot) Now, here's something you'll really like.