Satellite News -- Ward E -- Bit 210c

Bit: Emotional Scientist

Episode: 210- King Dinosaur.

Transcribed by Sarah "Bookworm" Heiner.


(Joel is wearing a white lab coat, cardboard mustache, and large white wig. Organ music starts.)

Tom (voiceover): And now, it's time for another exciting episode of "Emotional Scientist," starring Joel Robinson as Albert Einstein.
Joel (with awful accent): Oh, let's see here. I've almost got the theory of relativity...oh, that just makes me so sad when I...(normal voice) I can't do this, you guys. (takes off mustache) (Tom enters from stage right.)
Tom: Uh...
Joel: I don't--
Tom: Joel, what's the matter? (Crow enters from stage left.)
Joel: For one thing, I can't do Albert Einstein--I sound like an East Indian. And, uh, I don't see why I always have to be the one dressing up in the dumb costumes. I don't get it. (takes off wig)
Crow: What's the matter with you? Don't you know what it is to put on that greasepaint, don that theatrical mask, (starts choking up) get up on that stage and, and sing and dance your dear little heart out? (sobs)
Joel: Crow, you are becoming so camp! You make me want to throw up! Now listen, if you guys want to go on with your little irreverent sketches and keep donning your little costumes and makeup, go right ahead. But just count me out of it, all right?
Tom: Oh, now wait. At least you could hold up the title card for us. Geez. (Joel holds it up) Okay, c'mon, clear it, people. We've got a sketch to do.
Crow: Oh, okay. (Tom and Crow move off camera. Organ music starts again.)
Tom: And now it's time for another exciting episode of "Emotional Scientist," starring Crow as Madam Curie. (Crow enters from stage left, wearing a grey wig.)
Crow (awful accent): Well, I should be discovering the theory of radium pretty soon, I think. And then I'm going to go to that Jerry Lewis film festival. Oh, what's the use? I'm having a bad day. Nobody understands my needs. It's that time of... (normal voice) oh geez. You know, Joel's right. I can't even do a good accent on this thing either. I...oh! Get this thing off me. I quit!
Tom: Crow...he's right! You're right! We've been fools to think that robots can be actors. We're trapped in outer space! We couldn't even go to New York and study with Uta Hagen if we wanted to!
Crow: Uta...Hagen... (Both start sobbing.)
Joel: Ohhh....oh, c'mon, you guys. Please don't be like that. I can't stand to see you so upset like this. I'm sorry. I know--okay, I realize that these sketches are important to you. I'm sorry, okay?
Tom: Gee, Joel. You know, it never ceases to amaze me how you continue to take personal inventory, and then when you're wrong, you promptly admit it.
Joel: Oh, thanks a lot. I like you guys a lot too. And I know two robots and a human that have a sketch to do.
Tom: Oh boy! (clears throat, organ music starts) And now it's time for another exciting episode of "Emotional Scientist," starring Joel Robinson as Jerry Lewis, Crow as Dean Martin, and Tom Servo as Enrico Fermi. (All start talking over each other in character voices.)