Satellite News -- Ward E -- Bit 213

Bit: Mocking Mothra

Episode: 213- Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster

Transcribed by Sarah "Bookworm" Heiner.


(Tom and Crow wear sarongs, headbands, and black wigs.)

Tom and Crow: Greetings, children of the universe! A double pleasure is waiting for you. We adore a minuet, the Ballet Reusse, and crepe suzette. But we like to rock and roll, a hot dog makes us lose control. Schwarzenegger. DeVito. We are here to make an appeal to all of you kids out there. We must contact Mothra. And the only way to do this is to believe in a Mothra greater than ourselves. You must have faith. Faith in the power of healing. Faith in the power of love. Faith in the power of--Mothra! Mothra! Mothra!
Crow: Everybody!
Tom: Clap your hands!
(They continue chanting "Mothra," gradually giving it a funky beat. Joel enters.)
Joel: Wait...what are you guys doing?
Crow: Oh, nothing...we were just goofing around.
Joel: You guys are making fun of those two twins in the movie and their faith in Mothra, aren't you?
Tom and Crow: Oh, no...
Joel: Well, listen, have a good time. But uh, just be careful when you scoff at a higher being, okay? From one who knows, all right?
Tom: Uh, huh.
Joel (exiting): Leave it at that.
Crow: Okay. Wow. I learned an important lesson today.
Tom: Yeah, thank you, Lucas Tanner. (Both laugh. Hexfield opens, revealing Mothra.) Whoa, it's Mothra! Whoa!
Mothra: Hi, kids. What can I do for ya?
Crow: Uh, well...(stutters a bit) Quick, throw it a sweater!
Tom: Yikes!
Mothra: Saaay, you kids were just joking around, weren't you? Please don't do that. C'mon, I'm a busy moth. Got things to do, civilizations to save. I don't get much rest, I'll tell you that for free. Last night, these natives kept me up until all hours of the morning with their dancing and carrying on. Ah, sure, good kids, they mean well and all, but--You know, you'd think that between all those modern dance interpretations--which I like, don't get me wrong--they could throw in a peppy Vegas-style show-stopper. But no, I'm their god and protector, so they're always so solemn when they're around me.
Tom: We're really sorry that we disturbed you there, Mothra. Hey, tell us what it's like on Infant Island, will ya? Where do you live? Uh, are you into cacooning? (Tom and Crow laugh.)
Mothra: Funny. No, but I do like to hang around this giant lightbulb the natives built for me.
Crow: Uh, do, do you really lay eggs?
Mothra: Let me tell you something, kid. I laid a big egg back when I did the "Thicke of the Night" show. That was a mistake. I've since signed with new management. Say, here's a good one. You know, uh, what the difference is between "Thicke of the Night" and the Titanic?
Tom: I'll bite...I don't know.
Crow: No...
Mothra: The Titanic had entertainment. (All laugh.)
Tom: Hey, that's a good one, Mothra.
Crow: Oh, yeah. I guess it takes a certain kind of all-seeing, all-knowing god-beast to tell a "Thicke of the Night" joke in the '90s. (Tom and Crow laugh.)
Mothra: Well, that--huh? Well, I gotta go. Be good, kids.
Tom: Adios, Mothra.
Crow: Bye. (Hexfield closes.)
Tom: Hey Joel, Joel! Get in here! (Joel enters.) Mothra was just here! It was really cool--
Crow: Mothra was in here-- (Both talk over each other.)
Joel: Oh, come on, you guys, you're high. You're so high.
Tom: No, c'mon Joel. Now, even if he wasn't here in the flesh, or in the yarn, I should say, (laughs) isn't believing that he was here enough? I mean, on a spiritual level? Hmmm?
Joel: Hmmm... (Light starts flashing.)
Tom: I think that's commercial sign.
Crow: Joel...Joel...
Joel: I'd better get that. (Joel hits light, while still pondering.)