Bit: Art Therapy

Episode: 507--I Accuse My Parents

Transcribed by Jacob "JakeThFake" Churosh


(Desk is covered with drawings.)
Joel: Okay, so, is everybody done with their art-therapy project?
Gypsy: Mm-hmm.
Tom: Joel, what's the point of this art-therapy stuff, anyway, huh?
Joel: Well, by having you draw pictures of your idealized family, maybe you can escape some of the deep psychological problems that Jimmy, the star of today's movie, suffered because of his family. So let's see what you've drawn, okay? This is Crow's....
(Crow's drawing is a giant version of himself with a handlebar mustache, knives for hands, and lasers firing from his chest, walking down a city street crushing buildings.)
Tom: Huh.
Crow: That's my dad. He's all-powerful! His hands are made of stainless steel and he has lasers that shoot out of his chest. (Laser noises.) Pyeww! Pyeww!
Gypsy: Ooh!
Crow: I don't have to tell ya, he's the coolest dad in the whole neighborhood. And when we go to father-son picnics, we win every event. And he dispenses homespun wisdom and teaches solid Midwestern values while crushing all who block his path!
Gypsy: Ahh.
Joel: Uh huh. And what about the handlebar mustache?
Crow: Uh....I dunno.
Joel: Okay, let's see here. (Writes:) Oral obsession with mustache indicates nasal-labial shame. Good, okay. Now let's see yours here, Tom. What's this?
(Tom's drawing is two women holding hands, with a big robot standing behind them.)
Tom: Okeydoke! Uh, that's my mom, my dad and my mom. My mom is Hayley Mills, my dad is Gigantor and my mom is Peggy Cass.
Joel: Uh huh. And why are your moms holding hands, Tom?
Tom: I dunno.
Joel: Okay, let's see.... (Writes:) Latent "Parent Trap" syndrome. (Whispers to Cambot:) Man should be in a straitjacket! (To Gypsy.) Okay, Gypsy, this one's really nice, what about this one?
(Gypsy's is of her, Crow, Joel, Tom and Cambot--holding hands, with Richard Basehart looking down on them from a cloud overhead.)
Gypsy: Well, Joel, my ideal family is right here! And I know Richard Basehart watches over us all.
Joel: Oh, that's really sweet, Gypsy. But tell me, why does Richard Basehart get to play God?
Gypsy: I dunno.
Crow: Uh, Joel? Why are you spending your time psychoanalyzing robots?
Joel: Um....I don't know. (Short but awkward silence.) I'm kidding, of course. [Commercial sign] (To Cambot.) We'll be right back. I *do* know! I really do know.