Satellite News -- Ward E -- Bit821

Bit: Crow Meets 80s Mike

Episode: 821- Time Chasers

Transcribed by


(Crow is standing next to the time machine)

Tom: It's the perfect chance to help Mike. You see, you go back into his past, convince him to take a new direction in his life, and then time changes so that Mike never becomes trapped on The Satellite at all.
Crow: Yeah , yeah, but what if things go wrong?
Tom: Well there's a small chance we'll warp ourselves and the rest of the universe out of existence.
Crow: Cool! (chuckles)
Tom (working with time machine): Accessing 1985, now let's see, central Wisconsin, homing in on Mike.
Crow: Wow!
Tom: Oh, man, what a loser! Look at him! He's working in a cheese factory! He's going absolutely nowhere. (They both gasp.) Great Scott! He's a Journey fan!
Crow: We have to help him! I'm coming Mike!! (Crow enters time machine)
Tom: Okay, Crow remember, try not to be conspicuous! Blend in!! (fade out)

[Cheese factory lunchroom]

(Pat sits at a table, eating and staring at small portable TV emitting cartoon noises)

Factory PA: Mike Nelson to the lunchroom, there's a robot from the future waiting for you.
Crow (to himself, as he enters): So much for blending in. (to Pat) Oh, hello.
Pat (acknowledging him, unimpressed): Dude. (80s Mike enters, acknowledges Pat.)
80s Mike: Hey, man.
Pat (acknowledging him with a nod): Dude.
80s Mike (to Crow): Could we make this quick? It's coming out of my break time.
Crow: Ah, yes! Greetings, young Mike! Umm, my name is Crow, and I've come from the future to help you change your miserable, dead-end life.
80s Mike: Geez, nobody said anything about that. How does that work!?
Pat (astonished): Dude.
Crow: Uh, Mike, you are about to embark on an endless, worthless string of temp jobs.
80s Mike: Hey, man, tempin's great! You know, its flexible hours, you can sleep in, you can ditch whenever you want.
Crow: Well, actually that sounds pretty good. You get bennies with that?
80s Mike: Blue Cross.
Crow: Wow, that sounds cool, how do I...(getting ahold of himself) No, no, what am I saying? Mike, I have seen your grim future, if you don't change your life, eventually you'll be shot up into space and forced to watch terrible movies.
80s Mike (chuckles): Shot up into space! Did you hear that man?
Pat (incredulous): Dude.
80s Mike: That'd be outrageous! It'd be like "Space 1999."
Crow: Now, listen to me, you simp! I mean, what about your dreams, your hopes? A hollow desperate eternity in space? That's no future for you.
80s Mike: Yeah, but it beats getting burnt by the cryovac machine.
Pat (supportive): Dude.
Crow (sigh): Exactly when in the future will you become not stupid, Mike?
Tom (voice): Uh, Crow? This is Tom. Maybe you should just kill him or something, I don't know.
80s Mike (looking around, baffled): Hey, whose that?
Crow: Um....that's uh....God.
80s Mike (impressed): Whoa, dude!
Tom (voice): Crow, wrap it up. Hey, it's almost Commercial Sign.
Crow: I'm coming. (to Mike) Okay, Mike, I'll be back in just a second. Eat your lunch or something. And, don't take any temp jobs while I'm gone, okay. (Crow leaves)
80s Mike (to Pat): Robot from the future.
Pat (envious): Dude.