List: DOUGHY GUYS
Episode: 522- Teenage Crimewave
(A poster of the tubby guy from the bar scene is lowered...Mike marches
and salutes through-out the sequence...)
All: Doughy guys!
Mike: In this
movie, the first person to suffer actual physical harm was the big doughy guy! And
let's never forget, he lived in an era that would forever be known as the Golden
Age Of The Doughy Guy!
Tom: Yes from
1931 until 1959, doughiness was a symbol of success! Proof positive that a man could
order 16 ounce porterhouse steaks and three martinis! Tipsy and pink, doughy guys
roamed the land freely!
Crow: The major
politicians of that era were ALL doughy guys! Their weight and moistness were felt
every where they went! The most powerful man of that era was the ultimate doughy
guy: J. Edgar Hoover -- who was not afraid to be a doughy gal!
Mike: During that
era doughy men covered the continent! Statistics proved there was more humidity at
the time. Thousand Island dressing was sold by barrel-full; pork sausage by the metric
ton! Why, we owe our very existence to the fact that our mothers were actually willing
to make love to the doughy guys!
Tom: In tribute
to our nation's doughy guys, we now present an honor roll of the great doughy guys,
past and present! Cambot, if you please!
- Ernest Borgnine
Hubert H. Humphrey
Richard Daley (both of them)
Crow: Doughy Guys
of the World...We take our belts off to you!!! (Cut)