Bit: Frank returns!

Episode: 1001- Soultaker

Transcribed by Mela Nazelrod


(Mike & the Bots are standing on the bridge, Mike holding a clipboard)

Mike: There. We fixed every problem, found every flaw. What could possibly go wrong? (Alarms go off as oxygen bags drop from the ceiling and the ship rocks back and forth.)
Crow: How about EVERYTHING!? (All start screaming, panicked, as they are tossed around the bridge.)
Mike (sort of crying): You gotta help, Pearl! Satellite of Love to Pearl!

[Castle Forrester]

(A hooded figure is attacking a convulsing but standing Bobo; Pearl jumps in front of the scene and addresses the SOL.)

Pearl (frantically): I can't play now! A Soultaker has appeared in the castle and is attacking Bobo! (Brain Guy appears, broom in hand.)
Observer: Unhand him, you wraith!
Soultaker (in ominous voice): Get away, foul one! (Shoves Brain Guy aside.)
Pearl: I'll save you, Bobo! (Shoves away Bobo, who promptly collapses.) I don't know who you are, but get your soul-pinching paws off my monkey!!
Soultaker: Ah, Pearl Forrester, at last we... (Soultaker hunches over and coughs; as he finishes coughing, he pulls back his hood, revealing he is TV's Frank.)
Frank (normal voice): Hey, Pearl, how's it going?
Pearl: Frank! Geez, Frank, that was you? (laughs)
Frank: Aw, c'mere, Pearl..(they hug)
Pearl: Frank, I thought you were dead!
Frank: I am dead. I was in Second-Banana Heaven for a while, but it is soooo political up there! Pat Buttram had it in for me right from the start. So, then I was an angel for a while, and then I got into big trouble for appearing to people as Della Reese. Scared the hell outta them! So they transfered me to soultaking. (Brain Guy returns, coughing to alert the others.)
Pearl: Oh, uh...Frank, Brain Guy. Brain Guy, Frank.
Observer (offering hand): Well met, deceased one.
Frank (stifling laughter): Yeah, great..... (to Pearl) Where'd ya get the Hostess Snowball? (rolls eyes.)
Pearl: Tell me about it..Woo-hoo! (Brain Guy slinks away.)
Frank: So, how are Mike and the Bots doing up there?
Pearl: Oh, well, let's take a look.


(Everyone's hanging upside down, and a zooming noise is audible.)

Mike (panicky): Oh, no! We're plummetting into Earth's atmosphere!
Tom: I think I'm gonna be sick!...Whoaaa! (goes flying down towards the ceiling.)
Crow (singing): Nearer my God to thee.....

[Castle Forrester]

(Frank & Pearl are just staring, dumbstruck.)

Frank: I can't believe it..... (holds up taco) this Gordita is delicious!
Pearl: Try a Border Fry! (Prepares to feed Frank a fry. Bobo gets up and approaches the two.)
Bobo: Oh, Lawgiver, it was horrible! An unpleasant man tried to steal my soul and-- (notices Frank) Oh, hello. And he had this hair-- (looks again and starts making panicky monkey noises) Oh, it's him!! (flees but collides into hanging fixture and knocks himself out.)
Pearl: Oh, Frank, we have so much catching up to do!
Frank: Let's have some General Foods International Coffee.
Pearl: Oh, perfect! (to Mike and the Bots) And you up there! Get back in the thee-ay-ter! (Frank attacks his taco.)


(The bridge continues tossing around until it stops abruptly; Mike kepts on tossing and screaming for a while.)

Mike: AAAH! AAH! Aah?...
Crow: Hey...
Mike: Huh? Hey, what'd I do? (Gypsy enters)
Gypsy: You didn't do jack. We were saved by a tractor beam from that mysterious ship. Cambot, gimme Rocket number 9! (Shot of small, unknown vessel sweeping a tractor beam over the SOL.)
Mike: Why-why then we're saved! Thanks, Gyps!
Gypsy: Yeah, jump up my tube, white boy! (exits.)
Tom (taken aback): Whoo!

(Movie sign)

Mike: Oh, we got Movie Sign!! What else?!