Bit: It's Joel!

Episode: 1001- Soultaker

Transcribed by Chris Franzino


(Servo and Crow are on the bridge wondering about the mysterious ship outside.)

Tom: Huh. We're drifting, our orbit's decaying, and the mysterious craft still hovers nearby: dark and ominous. It did save our lives once, but... why?
Crow: They're toying with us.
Tom: Yes.
Crow: Yes!
Tom: Oh-no.
Crow: Toying!
Tom: Yes!
Crow: What do you want, you demons?
Tom: What do you want?
Crow: What do you want?
Tom: Who are you?

(The bridge doors open and Joel steps out.)

Tom: Look. Behold! (Servo and Crow whimper)
Crow: Oh, it's just Joel.
Tom: Yeah, you were gonna get...
Joel: Hey, you guys.
Crow and
Tom: Joel!
Tom: It's Joel!
Crow: Joel!
Tom: Hooray, it's Joel!
Crow: Joel's back, Joel's back, Joel's back!
Tom: Oh, it's good to see you, man.
Joel: Oh thanks, I... Crow, your voice kinda sounds different.
Crow: Wow, weird.
Joel: Oh, I get it, you changed you bowling pin. Smart. And um Tom, it's good to see your hoverskirt's still operational.
Tom: Yep.
Joel: It's just great to see you guys, all bright and shiny and in proper working order.
Crow: Good to see you too, Joel. Say, how'd ya get up here?
Joel: Well, I won't go into too many details, other than it cost me a ton to get up here.
Tom: I'll bet.
Joel: When I was down on Earth, I found that Dr. Forrester had sabotaged the Satellite of Love so that a lot of the working components would self-destruct in ten years.
Tom: I knew there was something weird about that guy.
Joel: Yeah. So I came up here to fix it for you.
Crow: Well Joel, hadn't you better get started, then?
Joel: Oh, I mean, we've got some time, I mean, uh... What've you guys been up to?
Tom: Ah, you know, same old, same old. And you?
Crow: Right.
Joel: Well, you know, after I crash landed on the Outback, I kicked around Australia for a little while, and then I hooked up with the band "Man or Astroman?", doing pyrotechnics. I finally made my way back to the Midwest, where I now manage the hot fish shop in Osseo.
Crow and Tom: Cool. (Mike steps in.)
Mike: Okay guys, alright, I'm set to go. Oh, hey, who do we got here?
Crow: Mike, it's Joel! He's the guy who made us!
Tom: Yay!
Crow: He's gonna fix our ship.
Tom: Yay!
Mike: Yeah, I know you. I'm wearing your tube socks! They've...
Joel: Oh.
Mike: Hey, did I hear you say you were managing a hot fish shop?
Joel: Yeah, it's pretty neat.
Mike: That's great, I mean, how do you even get that?
Joel: Well, you know, I just had a really good interview. You know, I'm looking for an overnight cook.
Mike: Are you serious? Oh, man, I... Ah, who am I kidding. I'm stuck up here, I'm never gonna get down. Forget it, man.
Joel: Ah, man. C'mon, take it easy, you know. Things are gonna get better for you. I mean, uh, things change. I... uh, you know, listen to me, you know.
Mike: Alright. Well, hey, thanks.
Joel: Thanks.
Gypsy: Hey, you kids! Keep it down!
Joel: Hey, hi ya Gypsy!
Gypsy: Bite me!
Joel: Oh, I'd better get going on Gypsy. I'll talk to you guys later, okay?
Mike: Okay, thanks a lot, okay, Joel.
Crow: Bye, Joel!
Tom: Bye-bye!
Crow: Joel's back!
Tom: Yeah.
Mike: Think about it. You know, I'm stuck up here, and that guy gets to manage a hot fish shop.
Tom: Hey, hey. Don't compare yourself Mike, it ain't healthy.
Crow: Yeah.
Tom: We'll be right back.
Mike: So, bring out the dressing...
Tom: Don't got there man.
Crow: Make the three-bean salad.
Tom: Keep it to yourself.
Mike: Ah, you're right, you're right.