Bit: Crow with the Gold Boots On

Episode 1002: The Crow in Gold Boots

Transcribed by ASimPerson


(Servo is watching Crow dance to the music in the movie. All we can see of Crow, however, are his legs, and he's wearing gold boots. Servo is wearing sunglasses.)

Tom: Yeah, alright baby, shake what your momma gave ya! Yeah! (Mike walks in)
Mike: Hey Tom, have you seen the Scotch tape? (sees what's going on and is horrified) What the hell is going on here?
Tom: Well, we set up a little club here, Mike.......Good times, man!
Mike: (Somewhat confused, scared; points at Crow) But Crow! It's's his....
Tom: Shakin' his moneymaker, that's right! Go baby!
Crow: Oh, I'm goin'! Check this out! Watch.... (Turns, so his, um, moneymaker is facing Servo and Mike, and proceeds to shake it. Mike seems to be disgusted, trying not to look.)
Tom: Oh yeah! Shake you good stuff baby! Whoo hoo!
Mike: (Confused/ disturbed) But Crow, shaking all his various things! And he has a tiny gold bikini on!
Tom: But not for long! hehe, he, he
Crow: But first you have to stuff money in it.
Tom: Oh, yeah, Mike....get my bag...we gotta start stuffing. I got a roll of singles as big as pork roast! (Chuckles.)
Mike: (Confused/disturbed/exasperated) Oh no, no! Crow will keep all his clothes on, no matter how minuscule they are!
Crow: I don't even usually wear clothes, Mike! What's your deal?
Tom: I think you're uncomfortable acknowledging Crow as a sexual being.
Mike: He's not a sexual being! He's a robot! And so are you!
Crow: Man, you have such body issues, Mike!
Tom: (Sarcastically) Mike Taliban Nelson!
Crow: You know, I'm sorry if you're ashamed of your body, Mike. We are not.
Tom: Ashamed of our bodies, that is. We are ashamed of yours! (Tom and Mike kinda laugh.)
Crow: Here I go! (Crow jumps and does the splits in the air, and takes his top off and throws it at Mike. Servo is cheering Crow on.)
Mike: Stop it! Stop it! In the name that is all good and decent! (Then Crow throws his panties at him, and Mike fumbles them, and drops them. Mike screams, and runs away.)
Tom: Hey, baretender! Hook me up with another longneck and put on! Everybody's workin' for the weekend! (Now directed towards Crow.) Shake you peach cobbler, baby! Good times! (Movie sign) Ah, hell, we got move sign.