Bit: Robot LSD Tests
Episode 1004- Future War
Transcribed by DGilch6131
Tom: Mike, relax. Even being a hundred times a lady isn't a bad thing!
Crow: You should know, you big woman.
Tom: What's that supposed to mean, you giant lady?
Crow: Why, I oughtta...
Mike: Speaking of ladies, uh sort of, what do you have for us Pearl?
(Bobo and Brain Guy are heard tuning up cheesy electric guitars. Pearl is taking miscellaneous notes when she notices the camera.)
Pearl: Oh hi there, uh...Mike, is it? Anywho, nothing much going on here, the government asked me to perform some secret LSD tests on robots. (Short pause) Ok, the government's not really involved. They're just my secret LSD tests. Now, Brain Guy sent up some stuff so I can monitor the results...
Observer: Right On!
Pearl: And Mike, do Pearl a little favor and hook up the video coax cables so I can monitor the robots hallucinations.
(Mike finishes hooking up EKG-like cables to Crow and Servo's heads. Mike is eating a Milky Way)
Mike: Ok Pearl, looks like we're set up here.
Pearl: Now I'm not gonna tell you HOW you'll be ingesting the LSD, it's a secret. (Holds up a plate of vegetables) Who wants vegetables? You do! You do! Hey Brain GuyÉ (Observer concentrates and the plate disappears with a POP! Sound) Now to heighten the effect, Bobo and Brain Guy have come up with their own little garage band to play some of the psychedelic music all the kids are talking about these days. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Narcotic Casserole. (Bobo and Brain Guy start jamming their cheesy electric guitars badly. The music goes on throughout the rest of the segment.) (Yelling over the music) Now let's see what's going on inside those little pea brains of yours.
(Servo and Crow and munching on their vegetables)
Mike: Ok, ok we got the vegetables here. Let's switch it to video feed. (Mike changes the dial on Cambot and we see Servo's hallucination. The screen is distorted green with an evil looking Mike with three arms and an Evil looking Crow with fangs are laughing evilly. Mike changes the dial back to the normal SOL view.) Servo! Servo! What a nightmare! Are you OK?
Tom: Oh what that? No, Mike! That's what I see everyday!
Mike: (Blinks) Well, let's check in on Crow here. How are you doing?
Crow: (Between munches) Hmm, Beta carotene. Plenty of fiber. Powerful hallucinogens.
Mike: (Somewhat shocked) Ok, then let's switch it to video feed then. (Mike changes dial on Cambot again and now we see Crow's hallucination. Everything looks normal, except Mike is now holding a Snickers bar)
Crow: (scared) Oh. Oh no! (panicking) Before it was a Milky Way! Now it's a Snickers! Make it stop! Make it stop!!! (Mike looks at his candy bar and tosses it onto the table. He tries to calm down Crow who is still visibly shaken)
Mike: Crow, it's okay! Let me talk you down. It's okay. It's alright. It's alright.
Crow: (still shaken) Snickers!!! Milky Way!!! Scary!!! Scary!!!
Mike: Thanks a lot Pearl.
Tom: Yeah Pearl, I hope you're happy.
(Music suddenly stops as we see Observer's guitar on fire and Observer himself warming his hands over it. Pearl appears in front of the camera. )
Pearl: Yes, I am happy. (writes on clipboard) Robot misidentifies candy bar. Now, your movie today is a little tab of orange sunshine called "Future War." We have a word for this movie in the illicit pharmaceutical businessÉ. crap. (Pearl smiles cheesily as we see Bobo in the background with Observer. Bobo hands over a bag of marshmallows for the guitar bonfire and Observer whacks Bobo on the head with a roasting stick. Pearl never notices)
Bobo: Ow-- oh.
(Crow is over his scary candy experience and is now laughing hysterically.)
Mike: (curiously) What? (Mike changes the dial on Cambot again. This time in Crow's pov, Mike is dressed up as a clown. Crow is still laughing hysterically. Clown Mike shrugs and changes Cambot's dial again. Everything is normal) Crow, Crow, you're hallucinating a clown!
Crow: (stops laughing, confused) You mean you're not a clown? (Movie sign goes off)
Mike: Oh, we got movie sign!!! (Everyone scrambles)