Bit: Tom Says No to Yes

Episode: 1008- Final Justice

Transcribed by Mark Worhatch


Mike: Hi everyone, Mike Nelson here on the Satellite of Love. This is Tom Servo, and Tom's got something to say.
Tom: Thank you, Mike. Mike, folks, in 1984 the techno-megagiant band named Yes released a song in which they assured us that the (singing in high-pitched voice) "Owner of a lonely heart is much better than the owner of a broken heart."
Mike: Yeah, great song! I remember that one.
Tom: As do we all, Mike. As do we all. But my point is simply this: They introduced a profound topic and then barely scratched the surface. They told me nothing! How does the (singing) "Owner of a lonely heart" (normal voice) compare to, say, the (singing) "Owner of a broken gas fireplace?" (Normal voice) Or for that matter, to the (singing) "Owner of a perfectly functional cheese slicer?" (Normal voice) As the (singing) "Owner of a lonely heart" (normal voice) how do I stack up against the (singing) "Owner of a pencil?" I mean, come on, Yes!
Mike: I don't think it's up to Yes to come up with every possible permutation of--
Tom: Well they brought it up, Mike, and there's so much more to consider. What about the (singing) "Owner of a parcel of land in Montana" (normal voice) versus the (singing) "Owner of a pie?"
Mike: (to Cambot) We'll be right back.
Tom: I mean, how does the (singing) "Owner of a jar" (normal voice) stack up against the (singing) "Owner of a split level?"

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