Bit: My White Goddess

Episode: 203- Jungle Goddess

Transcribed by Lorrie Matheson


Opening song (sung in multi-part harmony, like the theme to a 50s TV show):

There was a bungle in the jungle
That caused a real big fright
Someone was made a goddess
And she happened to be white
But then she was rescued
And now she's in the States
She's just your average housewife
A-cleanin' up the place
My White Goddess!

(canned applause)

Joel: (in drag, as White Goddess; on phone) WeIl, you can just tell them if they're not going to worship me, I'm not going to join their PTA! (canned laughter)

Crow: (enters) Hi, honey, I'm home. (canned applause)

Joel: Oh╔how was work today?

Crow: Boy╔it's a JUNGLE out there! (canned laughter)

Joel: (kisses Crow's beak) Well, aren't you going to bow down and kiss my feet?

Crow: Hey, you may be Queen of the Jungle╔.but I wear the khakis around here! (canned laughter and applause) Hey╔what's this mess?

Joel: Oh, it's our neighbor. That "friend" of yours.

Crow: Bill? Did he go on another wild shooting spree?

Joel: I'll say he did, and this time he went too far---he went and shot up my crockpot. I'm not going to be able to make dinner.

Crow: Welllll╔I told ya he wasn't such a bad guy. (canned laughter)

(Gunshots are heard off camera)

Joel: I wish that man would learn how to use the doorbell! (canned laughter)

(Tom enters with gun and spear in his back.)

Tom: Hello, everybody! Ha! (canned applause. Tom fires gun.)

Crow: Ahhhhhhh-will you cut that out? (begins to scuffle with Tom) (canned laughter)

Joel: (separating the two 'bots) Oh, now, stop it, you two, stop it. Would you settle down? Mr. and Mrs. Mubutu are on their way over here to play bridge!

Tom: What? Where? (fires gun)

Mr. Mubutu: (offscreen) Oooh-ga! (thud. canned gasps.)

Tom: Maybe it'll be three card monte now. Ha! (canned laughter. Gypsy enters in animal skin dress with bone through her head.)

Joel: Oh, I'm so sorry, Mrs. Mubutu, that we shot your husband. What were his last words?

Gypsy: Mubuto, mubuto, mubuto!

Crow: What did she say?

Tom: Sounded like, "Mubuto, mubuto, mubuto!" (canned laughter.)

Joel: Well, that's one native that's not going to be restless tonight. (canned laughter)

Crow:'re a goddess! (canned "awwww's", canned applause.)

(Fades out)