Satellite News -- Ward E -- Bit213a

Bit: Joel Succumbs to Space Madness

Episode 213- Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster

Transcribed by Lorrie Matheson


(Crow and Tom enter)

Crow: ...and uh, reformatted, destroying all the data he had.

Tom: Oh, good one, Crow!

Crow: Yeah, I know...

Tom: That was cool...

Crow: Uh, Joel? Uh, whatcha workin' on here?

Joel: Well, sometimes when the tedium of space gets to be too much for me, I like to uh, find found objects from the ship and build them into these little miniature scenarios of places back on Earth.

Crow: Oh...

Joel: Over here, I took uh, uh, coat hangers, and um, built them into the Eiffel Tower. Over here. Like, that's what's happening here.

Tom: Oh, neat. Good job, there, Joel.

Crow: Yeah, I feel like I'm almost in France.

Joel: Well, thank you, that was my intention. And, and then over here I took some wiffle golf balls, glued them together, and made a, um, scale model of the Epcot Center.

Tom: Wow. Hey. Boy, who woulda thought? A bunch of wiffle golf balls...neat.

Crow: Yeah ... you and Bucky Fuller, Joel--right at the top of my list.

Joel: Well, thank you very much.

Tom: Humor him, Crow! So, uh, what's with the dairy barn you're workin' on there, Joel?

Joe: Uh, this over here, Tom Servo, is only the world's most recognized building...uh, the, the Taj Mahal.

Crow: Ohhhhh, the Taj Mahal. Would you excuse me a minute? (ducks under the desk and laughs hysterically)

Tom: (whispers) Get up here! Get up here, come on!

Crow: (whispers) Well, it doesn't look anything like the Taj Mahal!

Joel: Oh, it needs something. There's some--oh, I know what it needs. Excuse me a second, I'll be right back. (exits)

Crow: Oh, man...Servo, I'm starting to get a little bit worried about Joel.

Tom: Yeah, he's usually a lot better at this kind of stuff. Do you recognize any of this garbage?

Crow: Well, it's not just the pile of junk...last week I caught him kneeling in front of a picture of Leonard Nimoy--he was burning incense and singing snatches of "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggin."

Tom: Oh boy, oh boy...and remember yesterday when he taped all those marshmallows to his suit and started singing "The Night They Invented Champagne"?

Crow: He's been in space too long.

Tom: Oh, shhh!

(Joel enters)

Joel: Ah, here it is, it's perfect, I have achieved perfection. It looks just like the uh, Eiffel Tower now.

Tom: That's an onion. I thought it was the Taj Mahal.

Joel: It's still not completed, though. I need uh, parking, yeah! Gypsy, come here, please!

Tom: Parking?

(Gypsy enters)

Gypsy: Huh?

Joel: Gypsy, come on out....

Tom: Parking, Crow.

Crow: He needs a hospital...

Joel: Open your mouth ... good...okay, now, the cars. The cars go in here, and we have parking, we have parking for three--no, thirty thousand compact trucks and cars. Then we build a tram off your upper lip and then onto the Capitol Records building, it goes here. I need my uh, my copy of "The Fountainhead." Uh, Howard Roark? Oh, Howard...Roark... (exits)

Crow: (groans)

Tom: Guys, we've got a big problem on our hands. If this goes any further he might tear us apart for one of his little models here.

Crow: I didn't want to say anything, but Servo--your head looks a lot like the Astrodome.

Tom: Uh, yeah. You know, from the side your head looks a lot like the Kit Peak Observatory.

Crow: Yeah ....well...jeez...we gotta nip this in the bud!

Tom: Absolutely.

Crow: First thing we do--let's get rid of this thing.

Tom: Just get rid of it.

Crow: Yeah.

Tom: Destroy it.

('bots begin to trash Joel's "creations")

Tom: Hey, this is kinda fun...get me, I'm Servotron, destroyer of worlds! Ha ha!

Crow: You guys...wait...whoa, whoa...what?

Tom: This is for his own good, right?

Crow and Gypsy: Yeah.

Tom: Okay. Whoo!

('bots go back to trashing the stuff; "movic sign" horn goes off)

Crow: Oh, movie sign, let's go.....!