Bit: Sarcastic banter over dinner

Episode 311: It Conquered The World

Transcribed by ???


(Joel and the Bots are having coffee and dessert; Joel is topping off Tom's coffee cup)

Tom: Mmm, mmm, you know that pie was delicious. Did you bake it yourself?

Joel: Oh no, it's just a recipe my grandmother stole from the bakery. (to Crow) Hey, want some more?

Crow: Only half a gallon.

Joel: What are you so smug about? You look like a man who just inherited Texas.

Tom: (slurping his coffee) Well, he might not be too far off. Why you know this coffee tastes like it came out of an oil derrick. What'd you strain it through, a mummy?

Crow: Yeah, the coffee tastes like mud. Roger Mudd.

Tom: Well the coffee wasn't half as bad as the dinner.

Joel: Well, I only burn it when you come home drunk.

Crow: Oh, so you burn it every night?

Joel: Oh, don't bring that up again.

Crow: I have to bring it up; if I hold it in I'll die.

Tom: Dye! That's what this coffee tastes like. Dye!

Joel: Did you two get enough? You hardly touched your steak.

Crow: I didn't want to touch it, it scared me.

Tom: Yeah talk about steak being tough. I thought they retired Man O' War to stud.

Joel: Oh what would you know about being a stud?

Crow: Well, the meat was better if you put that fuzzy gravy on it.

Tom: Oh was that gravy? I thought the dog had been sick.

Crow: I've never seen Spam served so many waysÉespecially in the Jell-O.

Tom: (coughing on his coffee) You know halfway through the dinner, my fillet got up and beat the hell out of my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself.

Joel: Well, it looked like you enjoyed the marinade, or were you just being a pig?

Crow: Hey the only thing that's marinated around here is Tom.

Tom: Oh, next time why don't you just skip dinner and go straight to passing out on the table?

Joel: Okay, keep it down you two.

Crow: I don't think I can keep anything down if I have to keep looking at that dessert.

Tom: Yeah you know on second thought, forget about the pie, I'd just rather eat the recipe.

Joel: Oh, why can't we just have a meal like a family just once--we got MOVIE SIGN!!!