Bit: The Bots Need Cheering Up
Episode: 421- Monster A-Go-Go
(Joel, Crow, and Tom at desk. Tom wears
crown and robe, Crow wears jester outfit and holds a Crow
Joel: Okay. I knew this movie might get you down, Tom,
so voila! (Shrill) You're a happy king! (imitates trumpet
Tom: (dully) Huh.
Great little song there, Joel, real dignified. Think I'll go
throw myself out an airlock.
Tom from leaving) Oh, come back here, Tom. Come on. You
know, every kid on Earth dreams of becoming a happy king!
Tom: Yeah, fine,
Joel. Whatever. I just rolled off a turnip truck.
Joel: And Crow T.
Robot, by the power vested in me by the kingdom of
Kookyville, I now pronounce you Sir Giggles Von Laughsalot!
Crow: Oh, Joel, I
beg you *not* pronounce me Sir Giggles Von Laughsalot!
Joel: Your job,
Sir Giggles, is to make sure that King Tom remains a happy
and cheerful king! (Fanfare again. Tom breaks down crying.)
Hey, what's wrong?
Tom: Joel, it's
this movie! It was really depressing! It was like--it was
like being a little kid and eating dinner at your aunt
Ruth's apartment in the summer, and it's hot in there, and
she's got a local Christian radio station on, and there's
nothing to do or look at cuz all she's got in the apartment
are Good Housekeeping magazines and linen doilies!
Crow: Yeah! And
then they send you out to play with the strange neighbor
kids, and they're all big, and their skin is *pink,* and
they have big pores, and a big eighth grader makes you look
at *really* upsetting pictures, and so you go back inside
and sit down, and they're all just talking and there are big
pauses in their conversation and you can hear the clock
ticking on the wall! (breaks down)
Tom: Yeah, yeah!
So you dig into your seat cushion and you find a *really*
old peanut, and you're so bored you *eat* it, and then you
just feel bad and a little sick, and--and then you think
you're about to go, but then--then Aunt Ruth takes out a
photo album filled with black-and-white photos of kids with
squinty eyes, and they're supposed to be your uncles and
aunts or something, and then your parents force you to look
at them! (breaks down)
Joel: Okay, okay,
come on, come on. We're tougher than that, you guys! Come
on! Let's think of something good about the movie! Come on,
Crow: It's Sir
Giggles Von Laughsalot.
Joel: I mean, Sir
Giggles Von Laughsalot.
(consults with stick puppet) Oh! You couldn't hear the
Joel: All right,
now, that's a good one! What about you, King Tom?
Tom: Okay, okay.
Don't tell me. Uh--no one involved with this dungheap
(flick?) ever went on to do anything else!
Joel: Right! All
right! That's a good thing! (Gypsy enters. To Cambot.) You
see, sirs, you can throw us any crummy movie you got and we
can take it, or my name's not Joel Robinson!
Tom: Yeah, and my
name's not Tom (shrill) "Happy King" Servo! (fanfare from
Crow: Yeah, and
my name's not Crow T. "Sir Giggles Von Laughsarobot"
Gypsy: Yeah, and
I'm not even Gypsy!
think sirs? Yeah! (Tom blows raspberry. Crow's puppet says
Dr. F: That's fine, Joel. Have you petty little
insurrection. Just remember you're trapped in space dressed
like happy *kings*, and Frank and I are down here on Earth,
free to do whatever we want. (Frank walks in with TV
Frank: Hey, Dr.
F., there's a Matlock marathon on tonight. You in? (Dr. F.
slaps TV Guide out of Frank's hands.)
F: Oh! Push the button, Frank.
(Frank does so with ingenuous expression.)