Bit: Tom's Driving Monologue

Episode: 424- Manos, The Hands of Fate

Transcribed by Sarah "Bookworm" Heiner

[In the theater]

( the long boring driving scene at the end of the movie goes by...]

Tom: So, I told Gary that I was *going* on this vacation. So he goes, "Well, then, I'm going hunting with Jeff next weekend." Well, that's when we were at knives. And [???] sang 'Fernando,' and then Gary--oh, he sang so good--Oh, you should meet Jeff some time. Do you like Barry Manilow songs? I know the farmers need rain, but when it's damp like this, my hair just explodes--just ex-*plo*-des! Ooo, ooo...feeling kinda gassy--McNuggets, you know, they make me so gassy--all that grease and all. It really helps if you drink eight to ten glasses of water a day. Did you know that? Sometimes I drink five, sometimes I drink nine just to make up for the other three I didn't drink. Coffee and diet drinks don't count either. You know, this is pretty country, isn't it? You know, it's really kind of a blessing in disguise that I didn't get accepted to college. You know, I'm going to have to revise my 20-year plan, but--oh, did I tell you about my 20-year plan? Okay, well, okay, listen here--in year one, this is the year when I'm going to take off those extra seven pounds--you know, that's equal to seven pounds of butter, so it's like I'm *wearing* seven pounds of butter! Uh...oh, where was I? Oh, oh, yeah. So my aunt and uncle here, they celebrated their 20th anniversary, and my uncle wanted to sing 'Sunrise, Sunset'--he wanted *me* to sing that, and I haven't sung that since Cindy's wedding, and, well, she never thanked me for that, well, I'm still--she's probably really busy and all...