Bit: The Sinbad Problem

Episode: 505- The Magic Voyage of Sinbad

Transcribed by Sarah "Bookworm" Heiner


(Lights are down. Joel, Crow, and Tom are sitting at the desk, muttering. Joel hits the desk with a mallet. Gypsy comes in.)

Gypsy: (laughing a little too hard) We were wondering...what would *you* do if Sinbad came to your town? (laughs again) Wouldn't you want the city council to do something about it? Let's watch. (Gypsy leaves. Lights come up. Joel and bots are wearing fur hats and *long,* grey, fake beards. Signs in front read 'Hon. T. Robot,' 'Hon. Rosnibon' (really!), and 'Hon. Servo.' An empty water pitcher sits in front of Joel.)
Joel: Okay. (bangs mallet) Be it henceforth resolved, parking is diagonal rather than parallel in down Persia. Next item. Can I get some water, please? (bangs mallet)
Tom: Mr. President--
Crow: You're the President?
Joel: Ah, sure, why not?
Crow: Then can I be Labor MP from Brixton?
Joel: Yes! (bangs mallet) The President recognizes the Honorable Tom Servo.
Tom: Thank you. Gentlemen, the Sinbad problem--
Crow: Move to table. He's not Sinbad. (Joel bangs mallet)
Tom: Motion is out of order--I have not yet yielded the floor. (Joel bangs mallet) My honorable colleages--and Crow--far too long have we denied the existence of this scourge.
Crow: What a cheap demagogue. Servo, you're a cheap demagogue.
Tom: Be it demagogery, sir, to safeguard the public morals? Item one: Sinbad has continually, and in clear violation of city statue 101.4563--1988 statues amended, interrupted our daily routine!
Crow: He's not Sinbad!
Tom: Gentlemen! I'm a fellow what likes to know what he's doing and when he's doing it. Ours is a society based on ancient traditions!
Crow: I thought we just sold each other fish!
Joel: That's what I thought. (bangs mallet) Ooh, I got one. Could I have some more water, please?
Tom: And, most pressing on the public coffers, why in God's name is Sinbad tax-exempt?
Joel: Look, do you have a suggestion?
Tom: Yes. Banishment!
Joel: Okay. The President (bangs mallet) recognizes the Labor MP from Brixton.
Crow: Thank you. Move to refer whole issue to zoning, move to find out what the *heck* is with these beards, and move to find out the true identity of this guy Skinbag.
Joel: (laughing, pulls down beard) No, you mean--you mean Zigzag.
Crow: (also laughing) Precisely. Whizbang.
Tom: Gentlemen...our youth, our infrasturcture...
Crow: Move to end sketch.
Joel: (bangs mallet) Ah, yes. Do I hear a second?
Crow: I second.
Joel: (bangs mallet) Is there any discussion?
Crow: Yeah, he's not Sinbad.
Joel: So ordered. (bangs mallet, picks up pitcher) Could I get some water, please? (He and Crow exit.)
Tom: (sighs) Sometimes lost causes are the only causes worth fighting for. [Movie sign] Ahh, movie sign!