Bit: DIY Bellybuttons

Episode 509: The Girl in Lover’s Lane

Transcribed by Laura Fox


(Crow is wearing safety goggles and a shop apron as Tom lays under a drill press. Crow is whistling.)
Tom: Come on, Crow, let’s go!
Crow: Yeah, yeah, just a sec, Tom. ---Hi everyone! Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I’m Crow. T. Robot, and this ‘ere’s Tom Servo!
Tom: Howdy!
Crow: We’re retrofitting each other with belly buttons.
Tom: Yup. Turns out our compeer Joel Robinson completely overlooked belly buttons!
Crow: So we’re just doin’ it ourselves.
Tom: Yup---oh.
Crow: ...And there’s a good chance we’re doing something incredibly stupid. (laughs)
Tom: Again! (laughs)
Crow: Yeah! (both still laughing)
Tom: But once it’s done, Joel can’t do anything about it, heh heh. ---Uh, this isn’t gonna hurt, is it, Crow?
Crow: Naaaah! Mariette Hartley had two navels in Genesis 2.
Tom: Owkay. ---Oh, oh, be sure to put some lint in it, too.
Crow: Sure!
Tom: All right---
Crow: Okay---
Tom: Let’s DO IT!!!!
(Both ‘Bots laugh maniacally as Crow fires up the drill press; Joel enters from screen left with a laundry basket, which he throws back out of the shot in shock.)
Joel: GOOD GRAVY WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING!? (Rushes around and shuts off the drill press)
Crow: Well, uh, hi Joel, we’re giving each other belly buttons.
Joel: ...can’t do that!
Crow: Oh. Okay. We weren’t that sure.
Tom: (sighs heavily) Why, Joel, why? Why can’t you give me the gift of one simple belly button!? Look at me, Joel! I, who have none...
Crow: Yeah, Joel, we don’t wanna feel weird around the other guys in the locker room.
The Bots: Pleeeeeez, please, please oh please oh please oh ple-he-heeez . . .
Joel: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, okay! (He merrily switches the drill press on again)
The Bots: Yaaaay! Whoo-hoo!!
Tom: Hey, if this works out, can I have an adam’s apple??
(Cut to spinning logo amid general laughter; sound of drill on plastic)
Tom: (still laughing) Ah, ooh, ow, oh yeah-hah-hah . . .
(Commercial sign)