Bit:A Beautiful Plan

Episode 509- The Girl in Lovers' Lane

Transcribed by Laura Fox


(Crow and Servo are on the bridge. Servo has a pile of quarters at his, er, lack of feet, and they’ve set up a pinball machine.)
Crow:So basically the plan is to get him to ask for change for the pinball machine...
Crow:...Then threaten him...
Crow:And then we beat the snot out of him like in the movie, right??
Tom:Well, yeah, guess that’s it in a nutshell.
Crow:That’s beautiful, Tom!
Tom:Ahh, thank you!
Crow:...But, what if he doesn’t fall for it?
Tom:T’uh! Are you kidding!? He’s like an overgrown child! He’s practically got "Rube" sewn into the back of his underwear! (Both bots laugh.) He’s the posterchild for naiveté---Oh-oh! Shh! Here he comes! (The Bots shush and Servo hums innocently as Joel enters screen right.)
Joel:Oh hi, bros---hey, my old pinball machine. (Stands at the controls.)
Crow:Yeah! Heh. Wanna play??
Joel:Ehhh, no. What else is going on?
Tom:D’oh!! Nothing, Joel, not a thing. We used our tricorders to scan the SOL for entertainment potential, and the pinball machine is the only thing that even moved the meter.
Joel:Well, you guys know best... (The Bots cackle evilly to each other.)
Tom:(under his breath) ...poor dope...
Joel:Uh, what’s that?
Tom:Ah-ah-I said do you need any quarters?
Joel:Mehh, you know actually I don’t have any money. Let’s just forget it.
Crow:I’ll give you fifty dollars...! Need change...?? (Tom struggles to suppress laughter.)
Joel:Uh, Crow, this doesn’t have any connection to that weird beating scene in today’s film, does it? (The Bots laugh derisively.)
Tom:No! I mean---tsh---geez! I can’t believe---geez, Joel, I mean---what would make you think that!? It’s just that---geez!!
Crow:Y-yeah right, like "Hey Servo, let’s drag the pinball machine on deck and get Joel to ask for change for his fifty and then hogpile him by a bunch of crates we set up to look like the alley", yeah right, huh. Chee, do you believe this guy??
Joel:Well, if it’s all right with you, then, I’ll just borrow one of your quarters and-uh, play a game here...
Crow:Of course! Go ahead!
Tom:Ts! Right, tho! What do you think it’s there for!? (The Bots exit still scoffing at Joel. Joel settles into his pinball game. Crow re-enters.)
Crow:Uh... Joel?
Joel:(not taking his eyes off the pinball machine) Uh... yeah?
Crow:Uh, you’re... not gonna... take that fifty dollars and come into our mock alley set and let us hogpile you and snag on you and stuff, are ya?
Joel:(still engrossed in his game) Ahhh no.
Crow:Uh, okay, I’ll be right back.
(Crow exits screen left and can be heard consulting with Servo. "whisper whisper really?? whisper..." Crow re-enters again.)
Joel:Ah, yeah, honey?
Crow:You’re absolutely sure?
Crow:Okay, well, then we’re just gonna hafta HOGPILE YOU HERE SERVO LET’S GO!
(Servo pops up behind the counter and the Bots jump Joel with high-pitched yells a la "Killer Shrews." Just then the lights start flashing for Movie Sign!!)

(movie sign)