Bit: Peter Graves at the U. of M.

Episode 517- Beginning of the End

Transcribed by Sosiqui


Mike: I dunno, Crow. It's probably just me, but the whole idea of a screenplay based around the life of Peter Graves just spells box-office poison. And then to go and narrow the focus so much...
Crow: Here, let me sizzle it for ya, Mike. Peter Graves went to the University of Minnesota, right?
Mike: I guess...
Crow: 'I guess' nothing! The man went to the U of M! And that's exactly what my screenplay exploits.
Tom: Well, can we just get on with this please?
Crow: Yes. *ahem* Here we go. 'Just Plain Peter: The U Of M Years'. Or, 'Peter Graves Goes To College At The University Of Minnesota'. A screenplay by Crow T. Robot.
Mike: Okay, okay, let's go.
Tom: I'm only doing this because I need the stage time, pinbeak.
Mike: Okay, Servo, okay.
Tom: Okay, okay. *ahem* Act One: Peter Graves Enrolls At The University Of Minnesota.
Mike (puts on a pair of glasses): Hi, I'm the registrar. May I help you?
Crow: (in Peter Graves-like voice) Yes, I'm Peter Graves, and I'd like to enroll at the University of Minnesota.
Tom: Ah... Act Two. Uh, Mike, you gotta help me with the cards.
Mike: Oh, right. (Mike flips a card over so it now reads 'Act II')
Tom: Act Two: Peter Graves Attends His First Class.
Crow: Hi, I'm Peter Graves. Is this Biology 101?
Mike (puts on mortarboard): Yes.
Crow: Good. I'm Peter Graves, and I'm in the right class.
Tom: Huh. Um, Act Three. Act Three: Peter Graves Enjoys Dorm Life.
Mike: Okay... ah... think fast! (throws a ball at Crow)
Crow: Ah-ha! I'm Peter Graves, and I'm enjoying some good-natured ribbing with one of my many new pals here at the University of Minnesota.
Tom: Uh... Act Four: Extracuricular Activities.
Crow: Oooh, this is great, this one...
Tom: Just get...
Crow: I'm Peter Graves, and I was wondering if you could direct me to the natatorium, as I am attending a swim meet.
Mike: It's that way.
Crow: Thank you. I'm Peter Graves.
Tom: Ah, okay. Ah, Act Five: Peter Finds His Calling.
Crow: I'm Peter Graves, and I'm beginning to take an interest in the theater arts and speech communications here at the....
Mike: Crow, how many... how many acts are there?
Crow: Ah... fifteen.
Tom: Ah, Crow, I'm not criticizing here, but were you worried about the reduncancy factor? Or not? 
Crow: Well, I felt my point was important enough to risk that, but let's do the climax. I think you'll really like it!
Tom: Okay, flip all the cards over now. (Mike flips the cards to Act 15) Act Fifteen: Graduation.
Crow: I'm Peter Graves. Thank you for the oppurtunity of learning at this fine institution. As I look back, I remember fondly my enrollment process, where, had you been there, you might have heard me say, 'Hi, I'm Peter Graves, and I'd like to enroll at the University of Minnesota.' Or the time...
Tom: That's IT! Crow, you are WAY out there!
Crow: What? Hey!
Crow: But... um...
Mike: I gotta agree with him, Crow. (Crumples up script and throws in into Crow's net; exits.)
Crow: No... but... Mike... no matter what you or Servo may think of my little screenplay, if it's convinced just one person out there that Peter Graves went to the University of Minnesota... then I've done my job. (Movie sign)
I'm Peter Graves, and we've got movie sign on A & E... whoa... Aaaaaaah! (goes flying through the air as door sequence begins).