Bit: Peter Graves at the U. of M.
Episode 517- Beginning of the End
Transcribed by
Sosiqui
[SOL]
Mike: I dunno, Crow. It's probably just me, but the
whole idea of a screenplay based around the life of Peter
Graves just spells box-office poison. And then to go and
narrow the focus so much...
Crow:
Here, let me sizzle it for ya,
Mike. Peter Graves went to the University of Minnesota,
right?
Mike: I
guess...
Crow:
'I guess' nothing! The man went
to the U of M! And that's exactly what my screenplay
exploits.
Tom: Well, can we
just get on with this please?
Crow:
Yes. *ahem* Here we go. 'Just
Plain Peter: The U Of M Years'. Or, 'Peter Graves Goes To
College At The University Of Minnesota'. A screenplay by
Crow T. Robot.
Mike: Okay, okay,
let's go.
Tom: I'm only
doing this because I need the stage time, pinbeak.
Mike: Okay,
Servo, okay.
Tom: Okay, okay.
*ahem* Act One: Peter Graves Enrolls At The University Of
Minnesota.
Mike (puts on a
pair of glasses): Hi, I'm the
registrar. May I help you?
Crow:
(in Peter Graves-like voice)
Yes, I'm Peter Graves, and I'd like to enroll at the
University of Minnesota.
Tom: Ah... Act
Two. Uh, Mike, you gotta help me with the cards.
Mike: Oh, right. (Mike flips a card over so it now reads
'Act II')
Tom: Act Two:
Peter Graves Attends His First Class.
Crow:
Hi, I'm Peter Graves. Is this
Biology 101?
Mike (puts on
mortarboard): Yes.
Crow:
Good. I'm Peter Graves, and I'm
in the right class.
Tom: Huh. Um, Act
Three. Act Three: Peter Graves Enjoys Dorm Life.
Mike: Okay...
ah... think fast! (throws a ball at Crow)
Crow:
Ah-ha! I'm Peter Graves, and I'm
enjoying some good-natured ribbing with one of my many new
pals here at the University of Minnesota.
Tom: Uh... Act
Four: Extracuricular Activities.
Crow:
Oooh, this is great, this
one...
Tom: Just
get...
Crow:
I'm Peter Graves, and I was
wondering if you could direct me to the natatorium, as I am
attending a swim meet.
Mike: It's that
way.
Crow:
Thank you. I'm Peter Graves.
Tom: Ah, okay.
Ah, Act Five: Peter Finds His Calling.
Crow:
I'm Peter Graves, and I'm
beginning to take an interest in the theater arts and speech
communications here at the....
Mike: Crow, how
many... how many acts are there?
Crow:
Ah... fifteen.
Tom: Ah, Crow,
I'm not criticizing here, but were you worried about the
reduncancy factor? Or not?
Crow:
Well, I felt my point was
important enough to risk that, but let's do the climax. I
think you'll really like it!
Tom: Okay, flip
all the cards over now. (Mike flips the cards to Act 15) Act
Fifteen: Graduation.
Crow:
I'm Peter Graves. Thank you for
the oppurtunity of learning at this fine institution. As I
look back, I remember fondly my enrollment process, where,
had you been there, you might have heard me say, 'Hi, I'm
Peter Graves, and I'd like to enroll at the University of
Minnesota.' Or the time...
Tom: That's IT!
Crow, you are WAY out there!
Crow:
What? Hey!
Tom:
WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAY out! (Storms out.)
Crow:
But... um...
Mike: I gotta
agree with him, Crow. (Crumples up script and throws in into
Crow's net; exits.)
Crow:
No... but... Mike... no matter
what you or Servo may think of my little screenplay, if it's
convinced just one person out there that Peter Graves went
to the University of Minnesota... then I've done my job.
(Movie sign)
I'm Peter Graves, and we've got movie sign on A & E...
whoa... Aaaaaaah! (goes flying through the air as door
sequence begins).
(cut)
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