Satellite News -- Ward E -- Bit518b

Bit: Weather Servo 9

Episode 518: The Atomic Brain

Transcribed by Michelle Alvarez


(Servo has been outfitted with gadgets and thermometers all over his body. Most noticeable are the anemometer and weather vane atop his dome. Mike, Crow, and Gypsy look on.)

Mike: (holding up kit box) So, then, with just this little weather kit, you've transformed yourself into, uh, what was it again?

Tom: Weather Servo Nine! First to bring the Satellite of Love vital weather information that affects YOU! (hums a newsy bass line)

Mike: You know, I appreciate that, but, uh, there's very little weather in space, and besides, we have instruments that handle all of that.

Crow: Servo, you're gonna die in space.

Gypsy: Crow! He might not.

Tom: That's right, Crow! Now, raise Weather Servo Nine into space, and I'll report the weather as it happens to YOU! (hums newsy base line as he's raised)

Mike: (whispering) Well, it doesn't happen to US, we're protected by the satellite.

Crow: (whispering) I know, just send the poor dope out to space.

Gypsy: DON'T DIE!

Tom: Up to the minute forecasts from Weather Servo Ni--(hatches shut, cutting Servo off; his voice is now a feed) Boy! (audibly shivering throughout forecast) It's COLD out here. Is it supposed to be this cold?

Crow: Oh, don't be afraid- you're Weather Servo Nine!

Mike: Servo, just make your report and then get back in here, okay?

Tom: Well, before I get on with the weather, I've got a couple birthdays to announce! Haha! Just kidding, of course. Man, is it COLD out here!

Gypsy: He's dead meat.

Crow: Yup.

Tom: I guess the big news is the cold weather. You might want to take a jacket, haha! D'oh. It's co-o-o-ld. Oh, what's this? Looks like a meteor shower's gonna be coming by. Might warm things up a bit. Oh hoho...It-it'll probably pass just to the north of us, but you might want- oh, oh! AAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!--(Servo continues to scream through Mike)

Mike: Looks like it's not working! Cambot, you'd better show me Rocket Number Nine!

(Outside, a Lego-sized Servo is bombarded by foil balls. Green smoke abounds. He's brought down from the hatch. He's badly burned, with broken gadgets, broken dome, and his head is emitting more green smoke. One of his arms is stretched out. He's kind of delirious.)

Crow: Well, that'll happen.

Gypsy: Servo, are you all right?

Mike: Servo, buddy, speak to me!

Tom: Well, (cough) I'm not cold anymore. (coughs)

Mike: I better start fixin' you up. (Mike licks his fingers and touches Servo, only to recoil in pain. Tom's humming again.)

Crow: Wow! You look so cool, Servo! Hey Mike, can I do that?

Mike: NO! You can't. You cannot do that.

Crow: I wanna do that, I'm doing that next.

Mike: We'll be right back.

Tom: Weather, Station, huh, help! Haha! Head happens to be on fire! Might wanna...ha! (hums again, through planet logo)