Bit: Tom's Security Checkpoint

Episode 606: The Creeping Terror

Transcribed by Ben Wink


(Servo is wearing a blue shirt with a badge pinned onto it. There's a clipboard with a pen, a coffee mug, a phone, and a sign that reads "Visitors Must Sign In" on the desk. Mike passes behind Servo with a stack of comic books.)

Tom: Whoa, whoa, hold it right there fella. Come back her and sign in please.

Mike: Hey, what's up Servo?

Tom: Sorry, company policy.

Mike: What? Since when?

Tom: Well, since things have been getting too darn lax around here. You realize that just about anybody could walk up here on the Satellite of Love here and wander around╔

Mike: But I live here.

Tom: Hey, you can't expect me to keep track of every face that walks in╔

Mike: Hey, let me just drop these Mole Men comics off at Crow. I'll be right back. It'll take╔

Tom: Hold on a second. (Buzzes Crow on the phone) Hello Crow?

Crow: (Over phone) What?

Tom: Well, we got a╔what's the name again?

Mike: Mike Nelson!

Tom: We got a Mike Nelson up here. You expectin' him down there on that side of the ship?

Crow: Nelson╔uh, yeah. Yeah.

Tom: Huh. Well, sign in please.

Mike: Sign in too╔all right. (Signs)

Tom: Yeah, and don't forget the time.

Mike: Uh huh and that's╔?

Tom: 11:43

Mike: 11:43. Okay, I'll just drop these off and be right back. (Walks off for a second)

Tom: OK.

Mike: (Off camera) Crow? Here you go. All right. (Begins walking back behind Servo again)

Tom: Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Sign out, will ya? (Mike comes back) (Commercial sign flashes)

Mike: Oh, come on! This is ridiculous!

Tom: Company policy╔

Mike: We'll be right back. (Signs)

Tom: 11:43.

Mike: 11╔43.

Tom: Wait. 11:44.

Mike: 11:44. (Cut)

(Cut back to close-up of Servo in his security outfit, asleep, snoring, and drooling on the phone.)

Mike: (To Crow) Well, I think we better wake him up; he did a couple of back-to-back shifts. Heh heh. Servo!

Tom: AAAAHH! Red alert! Red alert! Send back up! Someone's breaking into the vending machine! (Quickly darts off screen)

Crow: And to think he's getting $4.35 an hour. (Mads light flashes)

Mike: Yeah. Ah, ah, Ponch and John are calling.

Crow: Ooooh. Hey. (Mike presses the button)