Bit: Tom & Crow the Cops

Episode 613- The Sinister Urge

Transcribed by: (I didn't save your name! Sorry!)


(Crow and Tom, in suits, are looking at records on a computer as Mike is looking at filed paper records, as Gypsy looks on.)

Gypsy: It just doesn’t make any sense, Mike!

Mike (looking through paper records): Well, I hear you Gypsy, but you know there’s nothing in Frank’s permanent record that suggests homicidal maniac.

Tom: Yep, school records too! Look at this: Uh, repeated third grade twice, uh, fourth grade same, snow days came, expelled, Harriet Tubman High, nineteen-seventy-four, after that, nada!

Crow: Look, I think I got it handled. I got some contacts on the street!

Mike (chuckles): You got contacts on the street?

Crow: There’s a lot about me you don’t know!

Tom: Yeah…

Crow: Anyway, here’s my main man (Hexfield Viewscreen opens to reveal Huggy Bear) Huggy Bear!

Huggy Bear: Hi Crow!

Crow: Hey, all right, Hug, what’s the lowdown?

Huggy Bear: Uh, pardon me?

Crow: Don’t play schoolgirl with me! I’ve got so much on you I’ll send you so far up the river you’ll think you were a salmon! (Huggy Bear is clueless.) Oh, I get it! Too much heat coming down from the man, I see!

Tom: Crow that’s not Huggy Bear!

Crow: I didn’t say it was *the* Huggy Bear, I said it was *a* Huggy Bear! (Hexfield closes.)

Mike: Oh, come on, Crow, now cut it out! Now Forrester’s life is on the line!

Tom: Yeah.

Crow: Hey, I’m copasetic! That’s why I got my main man Rooster! (Hexfield opens up again to reveal Rooster.) Hey Roost Hey! (Hexfield closes again.)

Tom: Ah, losing your touch, eh, Crow? Perhaps a nice traffic assignment would suit you better, mister!

Crow: Oh yeah?

Tom: Yeah!

Crow: Where did you get your desk job, chunky? It didn’t have to do anything with that speeding bus full of cub scouts, did it?

Tom: I stopped that bus and I saved them kids!

Crow: All except one!

Tom: Ooooh!

Crow: One you let drive!

Tom: Well, he showed me his license!

Crow: He was seven!

Tom: I’m a good cop!

Crow (brawling with Tom): Oh yeah!

Tom: I’m a good cop! (Continuing to fight)

Mike (stopping the fight): Oh come on, guys, guys, cut it out, now! You’re both good cops!

Gypsy: Yeah!

Mike: What am I saying? Neither one of you are good cops! Come on, snap out of it, we’ll help Gypsy (movie sign) and then we’ve got movie sign!

Crow: Oh movie sign!